(no subject)
I'm really starting to get scared about this year. Its really beginning to sink in that I'm not gonna see that much of zach. I knew it was gonna be tough, but now I'm starting to feel it. Its so scary, because I just can;t get the thought out of my mind that we might drift apart. I feel like such a bitch girlfriend, cause, I honestly dont know why, but I make him feel bad. And I know I'm doing it. Tonight was the first night he said something about it. He told me that he didnt like it when I said that I knew he didnt want to talk to me, cause he knows that I know that he wants to talk to me. I dont know whats wrong with me. I never want to hurt him. I'd hurt myself before doing that. I think...I think, this is so personal I cant believe I'm saying this, I think I'm secretly jealous of him, so I force him into saying or doing something to make me feel better. I cant believe myself. I'm so digusted with myself right now. I wanna say so much more but I dont want to hurt our relationship. I dont know how much more of myself I can take.