forever
i miss jen very much. it's like my own sister had moved to Utah. but she came back to visit for the weekend and i didnt get so much as a consideration. tonight there was a dinner thing at the blue dolphin. its a bar and resturaunt. she didnt call me. sal is the one who told me about it. i tried to call her but it always kept going straight to her voice mail.
sal has been working so much that i'm starting to get these thoughts and doubts in my head. i have thought about leaving, but i know that i never really could. i love him too much to live without him by my side. its almost like i havent known him. it feels like im dating a friend. like hes just an intimate friend. my heart is so broken right now. i cant even trust him? he said to me last week, "I HAVE A JOB. I LIKE TO WORK." which made me feel so low and worthless.
i know that all we have to do is get through to April. but i'm barely crawling through the weekend. i dont know if i can handle not sleeping by his side.i dont know if i can handle not seeing him as often as i have for the next MONTH. truthfully i expect him to cheat on me. there isnt going to be that much sex and hes made it clear that it is a particular need that he has to have. i do too, but i dont know whats going to happen because i can go without it.
i just love him so much, and i cant imagine ever living my life without him now that i have him.
as far as jen, well i dont know but she doesnt seem all that sad not seeing me until April, when they come back for another visit.
my parents...........................................................................................
WELL! u want pressure, attitude, and false dreams. do you want someone calling you a fat loser? are you interested in two people who can lift you up to your highest, just to kick you down?!
WELL HAVE I GOT THE PARENTS FOR YOU!
i joke about all these things, yet strangely sometimes i wish that i just wouldnt be able to wake up in the morning.
hm...go figure huh.