I suppose i feel better...

[pndoraslewdness]

We talked today, after my complaning to all my friends last night, they all told me that all the things i was saying to them, i should be telling him n base my choice on his reaction towards me. I swore to myself that if i called his house one more time and he wasnt home, that i just was going to stop calling altogether n see how long it takes him to call me if at all. I waited a lil while hoping he's be awake n dialed, Once again his grand mother picked up. Once again she told me that he wasnt home. Before i could tell her that i was just going to quit calling she begins talking about how shes supposed to go to Home Depot or something. One thing i learned about this woman is that she loves to talk. I learned Tonys whole family history already and then some. She just goes on n on n on, no joke, Vanessa can vouch for that one. :0D! So shes talking for like 20 minutes or so and then she says that shes gonna ahve to hang up so she can leave, i begin telling her to just tell him that i will no longer be calling him, but then she informs me that he has just walked through the door. I finally get to talk to him and everything i planned to tell him leaves my head n i draw a blank. I tell him that we need to talk. He says ok talk. he sits n listens as i lay everything out, starting at the begining on how happy i was with him, n how i knew he loved me, to having doubt on where we are going with this relationship cuz when we talk our conversations are downsized to silence or arguements or him avioding questions. i let him know it bugged me when he says he has no time to talk to me when there are 24 hours in day n why can't he pick up a phone for a miserable minute to let me know hes thinking of me. I hate calling over there to his house n find out he's NEVER home, my mind starts to wander n i hare that too. I put my foot down n told him i wasnt going to chasing him liek these lil girls that live around him. He got pissed buthe knows its true. I know he has a life n so do i, i didnt want him thinking that i want him sitting by the phone all day, he has his friends n i have mine, i made it clear that i dont want him "in check" but i don't find it fair that he doesnt like for me to go out when he's out all night, n even then if it's just innocent things he's doing then why can'the just tell me that rather than telling me that it none of my business. He hates it when i drink n ive messed up before, i know thats part of it but...damn...i can't just stay here all day just so he can feel secure. After a while i finished n we were quiet for a while. Most guys i've talked to, seem to lose thier hearing skills around minute 2 or so n zone out so when you ask them "so?" they say "huh?". One thing i love about Tony is that he actually listens, lets me get everything out n then talks to me. Piece by piece we went over the things that bothered me n how we can come to an argreement on some things. Ended up that he'd let me know a lil more about what's going on with him, if i stop accusing him everyday. and that he'll make an effort to talk to me just a lil bit more. He remembered something i said a while back. I had told him "I can almost gurantee that you will wanna quit n I won't let you" When he said that, it was flipped around to me. He made it clear that our relationship was stronger than that n it wasnt gonna end over some stupid insecurites. He's determined to making this work, n now, so am i. No one said long distance relationships were easy...this one is no exception. So yeah...I feel better now. No more stupid thoughts. Someone just shouldve slapped me dammit.

By the way....I got a new AIM name. The one i had...on my profile, it would show this link that never was able to get rid of, so i decided to start fresh, if anyone cares to im me just do so. Its evilsw33tn3ss, and if you guys don't have my yahoo or hotmail....it's yahoo messenger:dipsetmami915 hotmail n msn messenger: olga_soto_1980