Once Upon a Time
Title: Once Upon a Time
Characters: Jack/Ianto, The Doctor.
Rating: pg13
Word count: 7,842
Warnings: Character death - but not permanent
Summary: Jack and Ianto are transported to a fantasy planet and run into the Doctor.
A/N: Written for the Who (Re)verse Bang, from the art made by cjharknessgirl
Beta: Myfawnyfliesatnight, who is brilliant and gave this story life and much better grammar, she is just brilliant.

“You have got to be kidding.” Ianto looked at Jack, “You have got to be fucking kidding!”
“You look good though,” Jack ran his eyes up and down his young lover, who didn’t look all that comfortable.
“You? You look ridiculous,” he snarked back. “At least mine has a chance of being authentic; yours is…” Ianto shook his head, looking at his Captain. He was dressed in a sparkly blue outfit, with heavy beading on the cuffs and shoulders; there was a deeply cut ‘V’ neck - Ianto did take a moment to gaze at the neck and chest that were on view - but then he shook his head. He was letting his imagination distract him from the job at hand. “The neckline is wrong; you would have had a higher neck, or a scarf or cravat, and the colour, it’s all wrong.”
“And you would have been dressed in yellow?” The older man was getting annoyed; he thought he looked good.
“Well, possibly not this shade of yellow, as the dyes of the times wouldn’t have made such a... harsh yellow, but at least it’s all here, and I have a hat.” Ianto plucked the hat from his head and looked at the tri-cor, “Maybe I should have left it on my head, now I’m not sure which way it goes around.”
“Yeah, you would look foolish with your hat on backwards and walking in with a person dressed like an idiot.” Jack mumbled as he looked around him.
“Jack, I’m sorry. I like the look on you; I mean, I can see your chest which is a part I do so like,” and for a brief moment his eyes flashed with desire, “but it seems as if we’re not in our own time, and I don’t want you to get hurt…” He trailed off.
“Don’t worry, can’t die,” Jack replied.
“Jack, you die, you just come back, but it still hurts you and it hurts me every time.” The younger man told him, the pain in his eyes underlining his words.
Jack looked at his young lover, pulled him close and kissed him on the lips. “But I do look good?”
“Yes, Jack, you do look good, silly, but good.”
“What you’re wearing is hot, like the trousers, really show off your…”
“Jack! Can’t take you anywhere! Well, have to take you twice, second time to apologise.”
The two men looked toward the sound of the voice, and standing there was a skinny man, his dark hair poking up in all directions, and he was frowning behind his thick glasses. Ianto shuddered at what he was wearing; ‘who would wear a suit with Converse trainers - bright red, Converse trainers - and that coat? I could never love that coat.’
Jack turned and looked at the man for a second and then recognitions set in. “Doctor? What are you doing here, and how did we get here?”
“And why are we wearing these ridiculous clothes,” added Ianto, feeling a tad out of place and uncomfortable without his usual suit. He cast a critical eye at how the Doctor was dressed and muttered, “Who on Earth dresses in such garb?”
Cocking his eyebrow at Ianto, Jack looked at him and mouthed, “Garb? You said garb?”
Ianto rolled his eyes, and turned to face the Doctor; he put his hands behind his back and said, in a rather formal tone, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Doctor.”
Jack looked at Ianto, surprised in several ways; first that Ianto was so cold towards the Doctor and second, that he recognised the Time Lord in the first place, having never seen him before in any incarnation. He looked at the younger man quizzically. “How did you know it was the Doctor?”
“Jack, I know everything!” He looked steadily at the older man, “Plus, who else would wear what he is, in this place. His description was in the archives from Canary Wharf as well.” Ianto then said, in a quieter, less confident voice, “He’s going to take you away, isn’t he?”
“No, Ianto, I won’t go. I’ve chosen you; you’re the reason I came back, you, only you.” Jack put his hand on Ianto’s arm and pulled him into his chest holding him tightly.
Ianto took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Jack; he sighed and mumbled into his lover’s neck, “Sorry, he makes me… mad.”
An irritating cheerful voice interrupted their quiet moment. “Mad? I made you mad, you sure? I never make people mad. Well, maybe, I do get chased a bit, but running is good, keeps you fit, healthy, like eating bananas; they’re good for you…”
“Doc, stop, you’re rambling.” Jack kissed Ianto’s head and faced the Doctor. “What’s this all about? We were just about to go home, we’d planned a night in, to watch a DVD, or should I say, not watching a DVD, when all of a sudden, we’re sitting on a bale of hay, wearing these clothes. So what’s going on?”
“Ah, good question. It was sort of my fault, I guess.” The Time Lord rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was embarrassed.
“You guess, Doc? What have you done?” Jack looked at his old friend, not very amused. “Yan and I were having our first night off in two weeks; we were just about to... mmmff.” Jack was cut off by a hand suddenly clapped over his mouth.
“Jack, the Doctor does not need to know what we were about to do.” Ianto gave his lover a warning look.
“Oh, what were you about to do? Would it have been fun? Did it involve bananas? Ianto, how are you? How do you put up with him? Martha said he talked about you a lot. It’s nice to meet you!” The Doctor’s rapid-fire questions finally ended as he took a step forward and as Ianto put his hand out to shake the Doctor’s, he was handed a banana instead.
Ianto looked at the fruit with a mixture of exasperation and amusement before he sighed, peeled it, and handed half to Jack. He then watched with lust-filled eyes as first Jack held it gently between his fingertips and ran his tongue over the length of it before taking it between his teeth with a quiet, throat moan that only Ianto could hear. Next, Jack looked up and met Ianto’s eyes and holding his gaze, Jack slowly sucked the flesh into his mouth and swallowed it down.
Ianto, gulped loudly, remembering when Jack had done that to him, and certain parts of his anatomy began clamouring for attention. Fortunately his dignity was saved when the Doctor, totally oblivious to what had just passed between Jack and Ianto, turned his attention from looking around him in amazement back to his two unwilling guests.
“Now Jack, what’s happening?” He bounced on his toes, looking at the immortal eagerly; he could just smell adventure in the air.
“I thought you were going to tell us! You said this is your fault that we’re all of a sudden here, in different clothes, and this is sitting next to us.” Jack held up the metal lamp and waved it accusingly at the Doctor. “It’s a lamp, or so Ianto says,” Jack looked at it, turning it over, “but it doesn’t seem to have an on-off switch.”
“Jack, it’s not that sort of lamp, it’s an oil lamp.” Ianto took the lamp from Jack and lifted the lid. “The oil goes in here, and a wick is threaded through the spout and lit. It’s on the small side and probably wouldn’t give much light, so I assume it’s for burning fragrant oils.”
“Woooh, he’s a clever one, Jack! I like him.”
Ianto just glared at the Doctor while Jack grinned proudly. “It’s a bit worse for wear and a bit dusty, needs a good clean.” He went to hand it back to Jack but the Doctor grabbed it first.
Eyes wide with curiosity, the Time Lord started looking it over closely, examining it from every angle, paying special attention to the bottom, before turning it right-side up and opening the lid. He sniffed at it and went to lick it, the tip of his tongue appearing and hovering just over the surface, before he seemed to change his mind with a frown. Looking up and realising the two men watching him, he smiled at them apologetically. “Better not do that; don’t know where Jack’s hands have been.”
Ianto rolled his eyes and fought back a blush, and then shook his head and muttered about demented Time Lords.
Jack snatched the lamp back, hurt by what the Doctor had said. His hands were always clean; Ianto insisted on it.
“It’s a nice lamp, I think I might keep it as a souvenir, remind me of what Ianto looks like in those hose.” Jack started to absently rub the lamp as he ran his eyes appreciatively over his lover’s shapely legs.
Without warning a puff of smoke appeared and began to grow; its movement was almost hypnotic with swirling currents of greens and blues, purples and oranges. Ianto raised his hand and shielded his eyes; it was like a bad tie-dyed shirt had thrown up in the air. Gradually the colours merged into a shape... an alien?
Jack and Ianto stared at the apparition. It was a rather large man with muscles, lots of muscles in all the right places, a rather swarthy complexion mesmerising come-hither eyes, dark long hair begging to have fingers run through it, and he was wearing shorts, very tight and very short, shorts.
“Ianto, look at him! Wow!” Jack’s mouth fell open as he ran his eyes over the man from head to toe and back again, pausing here and there to really look. Ianto looked at the man, the apparition, the alien in front of him, and then back at Jack. He took one look at the immortal and shook his head with fond annoyance.
“Jack, close your mouth. You’re drooling.”
“I’m not drooling.”
Ianto leant forward and wiped a little bit of moisture from the side of his lover’s lips, and raised an amused eyebrow at him.
“All right, a bit, but you gotta admit he’s hot! I mean, can you imagine...” Jack saw the very unimpressed look on the younger man’s face and hastily clarified his statement. “Not that I would ever do anything about it, you know, look but don’t touch...” and he held up his hands to demonstrate.
Ianto smiled at his lover, secretly please that he had managed to fluster Jack. “Yeah, I know, but it’s fun to tease you,” he said, breaking into a huge grin and planting a quick kiss on the tip of Jack’s noise. “And yeah, he is, but how d’you reckon he got those pants on? They’re practically painted on they’re so tight.”
Jack signed. “So tight you can tell he’s been cir...”
“Jack, too much information.” Ianto put his hand over Jack’s mouth again. “We don’t know who or what he is and we don’t want to upset him; he may be armed.”
The Doctor had been silently looking at the man in front of him, studying him, and when he heard Ianto’s last words, he quickly offered an observation. “Wouldn’t worry about that; he’s got nowhere to hide a gun, no pockets.”
Jack grinned, his mind flying back to the very small, very powerful micro-gun he had once tucked away. He turned to Ianto, “I’ve hidden a gun in my...”
Again a hand was hastily slapped over his mouth, and when Ianto let him go, Jack snarked, “What! Don’t I get to finish any sentences today?”
“Yes, if they are appropriate for mixed company,” Ianto replied.
The Doctor laughed, “Oh, Jack, I really like this one! Now,” and then he turned his attention to the scantly-dressed man, “how can we help you?”
The muscled man turned to Jack and got down on one knee. “Master, you summoned me; I am at your service.”
Ianto rested his head on Jack shoulder, his shoulders shaking in laughter. “Jack, only you... could ‘summon’ the genie from the lamp!” he was finally able to gasp out. He gripped Jack’s arm for support as his laughter grew heartier.
Deliberately ignoring Ianto, Jack looked at the man kneeing at his feet then up at The Doctor. “Doc, any idea of what is going on?”
“Well, the story of Aladdin’s magic lamp is legendary on Earth, and on a number of other planets there are several folk tales of genies in bottles granting wishes. In fact, on the moon Rugmalish Prime, there’s an entire religious order dedicated to worshipping just such a being. Now, with lots of these tales there are usually rational reason for them, hysteria, and the covering old myths by the new people in power in order to lessen the influence of the previous rulers. It’s interesting to note that in your Earth, the Easter celebrations where stuck bang right on top of the ‘Eoster’ celebration, trying to stop people celebrating both and...”
“Doctor, you’re heading off on a tangent,” Jack interrupted indulgently; he was well used to the man’s rambling mind, but he could tell Ianto was getting impatient.
Ianto looked at the Doctor, “So, who, and or what, is this one?”
“OH! Sorry. Yes, well, he seems to be... I’ll just check.” The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and ran it over the man still kneeling silently at Jack’s feet. “Oooh! Nice one, Jack! He’s a ‘Minion’.” The Doctor rocked back and forth with a satisfied, albeit excited, expression, as if he had explained everything.
Giving an excellent imitation of an Ianto Jones eye-roll, Jack looked at the Time Lord expectantly. “Doc, what’s a Minion and what do they do?” Jack was staring at the man in front of him, thinking, ‘Wow, this is hot, but I’d rather see Ianto is those pants.’
All of a sudden there was a bright swirl of fluorescent blue and Ianto felt unexpectedly and uncomfortably cold. He looked down at himself to discover that all he was wearing was a pair of shiny gold shorty-shorts.
“Oh, look, Jack! When he blushes it goes all down his chest and back!” The Doctor was fascinated and circled Ianto, peering intently at him. At one point he raised his hand to touch the young man’s chest, but seeing the warning look on Jack’s face, he quickly stuffed his hand in his pocket. Ianto was even more embarrassed by the unwanted attention which made his blush deepen. It took some effort on his part, Jack tore his gaze from Ianto’s gorgeous, half-naked body and turned to the Time Lord; he was becoming very worried.
“Doc, I just thought I would like to see Ianto dressed like this guy and poof! It happened! He seems to have read my thoughts.” Jack looked speculatively at the man before him, the mysterious being just smiled and nodded towards Jack.
The Doctor snapped his fingers in excitement. “Jack, don’t think of anything you want, otherwise it will happen. I know what and where we are.” The Doctor skipped around Ianto again, looking at him from all sides. “You are a lucky man, Jack; he is a very pretty boy.”
“Hey, hands off, he’s mine.”
“Oh, I don’t want him, I’m just sayin’.” Recognising the warning tone in Jack’s voice, the Doctor took a step back, although his eyes didn’t leave Ianto’s form.
“Still in the room, still hearing you, still freezing my arse off here,” Ianto growled huffily at the others.
Jack took a step towards his lover. “Wish I had my coat with me; it would keep you warm...” Realising what he’d just said Jack immediately held up his hand to his ‘genie’. “No, don’t make my coat appear!” he yelped. He waited until the Minion nodded before he wrapped his arms around Ianto’s shivering body. “All I can do is hold you; will that do?” Jack said as Ianto leaned into him. “But boy, you are hot in these shorts,” he whispered into his young lover’s ear. Ianto snorted and sighed but there was no missing the pleased look of desire in his eyes.
The Minion rose and walked towards Jack; he cleared his throat and stated, “Master of mine, you have summoned me and you are therefore entitled to six wishes, three wishes of thought and three wishes of word. You have used one, to dress your mate as I. What would you like for your other wishes?”
“Doc, what’s going on?” Jack forced his mind to go blank before he could use up another of his mental wishes.
“Well, Jack, it seems that that Rift of yours has transported the both of you to the fantasy world of Barthelon. The TARDIS noted that you had jumped and was worried about you, so she brought me here to check if you were all right. It’s not where I was planning to go, but it is a fun world,” the Doctor explained while scanning Ianto with the sonic screwdriver. “It looks like the planet is in its ‘fairy tale’ season, hence the ‘genie in a lamp’ scenario.”
He looked at the reading from the screwdriver, and nodded, “Yep, just go with the flow, and we’ll be released.” He smiled at the other two men. “Just have fun. But not so much fun that I have to bring you back to apologise, Jack,” he warned the immortal in a patronising tone and shook a finger at him.
Ianto bristled at the way the Doctor was talking to Jack; he remembered that however charming the Time Lord could be, he had still hurt Jack deeply and deliberately. “Doctor,” Ianto asked his voice and eyes cold, “the usual fairy tale is three wishes; why is the Minion offering Jack six?”
“Oh, good question!” the Doctor pretended not to notice the change in Ianto’s attitude. “It’s cos some species don’t talk and only communicate telepathically. Jack here, is a mild telepathy; all human are,” he waved his sonic screwdriver at Ianto’s head. When he saw the reading, his eyebrows met his hairline. “So are you, quite a strong one, as a matter of fact! He’s an amazing one, Jack; might borrow him for a spin in the TARDIS.”
Jack held tightly to Ianto and turned their bodies, as if using his own to shield the young man from the clutches of the Time Lord. He narrowed his eyes at the Doctor and his handsome face took a decidedly possessive, predator demeanour.
Ianto wiggled just enough to loosen Jack’s grip so he could breathe easily again, and looked into the older man’s eyes. He recognised the expression and felt his heart somersault in his chest. Patting Jack’s hand, he hastened to reassure his lover. “I wouldn’t go with him, not without you, Jack.”
The immortal searched Ianto’s face for a moment and then, clearly satisfied with the truth and emotion he saw shinning forth, he kissed Ianto before turning his attention back to the Doctor.
“So,” Jack said, “I have to use the wishes up in order to release us from the hold of the planet. Yeah, Doc, I’ve heard of Barthelon, it was quite a popular place to visit, this phase and also the ‘procreation’ phase.” Jack waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he looked at Ianto who looked back, puzzled.
“The planet will hold you to its environ until the ‘game’ is over; it’s one of the pleasure planets in the Vegas Galaxies,” Jack explained with the knowledgeable air of someone who’d been a frequent visitor.
“So when the game is over we’re released, but how do we get back home?” Ianto asked.
“Well, I can always take you back,” the Doctor interjected. “As I’ve interacted with you, I’m probably programmed into your game, Jack.”
“Great,” mumbled Ianto, “just great.” ‘I guess there won’t be much Jack-and-Ianto-time with him here.’ With a weary sigh, Ianto took a step away from Jack, already distancing himself from the let-down he knew was coming. “Any chance you can use one of your wishes to change my clothes back? I’m freezing my arse off here.”
Hearing the disappointment in his young lover’s voice, and seeing his shoulder droop just a bit, but being Jack, he completely misunderstood the reason for Ianto’s withdrawal. Jack put his hand under Ianto’s chin and looked him in the eye. “Hey Yan, don’t be upset; it’s gonna be fun, isn’t that right, Doc?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s gonna be fun.” The Doctor put his arm around Jack’s shoulder. “Let’s head off this way and find out what we can do that’s fun.” The Doctor walked off with Jack in tow and the Minion followed obediently, leaving Ianto to bring up the rear, feeling dejected and rejected. ‘And I’m still in these damn shorts.’
As they walked down towards the town, the Minion turned to Ianto. “The ‘Game Master’, he wished you to be dressed like this. I can see you are uncomfortable but I can’t change your clothes until he wishes, although I can make it so you are not cold.” Suddenly Ianto went from feeling a cold breeze on his body to a feeling of being nice and warm, as if Jack did have his coat and had wrapped it around him. Ianto sniffed with obvious delight; “How did you do that, make the warmth feel and smell like Jack’s coat?”
“I can feel and see what is going on; I can feel that Jack is the one who makes you feel warm and safe and that his coat is a physical representation of that, so I have made it feel like you have the coat on.” The Minion shrugged with casual innocence, “It’s what I do.”
“I don’t understand it, but thanks, I do feel warmer and more comfortable.” Ianto asked as they walked along behind the still-chattering-away Time Lord and Jack, his ever appreciative audience “Don’t you feel cold dressed like that?”
“No,” the Minion smiled; he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had inquired about his well-being, and he decided that he liked this young Ianto-human. “I am the unconscious manifestation of Jack’s imagination and belief of what a person who comes out of a bottle, or in this case, a lamp, should look and dress like, so this is just how I am. I don’t feel the cold.”
Ianto chuckled, “So Jack believes in genies in a bottle.” He quite liked this newly-discovered child-like aspect of Jack’s personality, believing in romantic fairy-tales.
“It is a story that is in many cultures.”
“Do you have to do everything Jack says or thinks? Do you have any veto if he asked for the impossible or the dangerous?” Ianto was curious as to just how far Jack would be allowed to go. ‘He can be a bit out there,’ thought Ianto, ‘just look at how I’m dressed.’
“The Game Master, he would not hurt someone on purpose, but it is dependent on him; if he wishes it, it will happen.” The Minion looked at Ianto with wise and knowing eyes, “You trust him to do what is right, I can feel that; you trust him with your life and more, you trust him with your... do you want me to tell you to tell him?” He smiled at Ianto, who blushed but not all over this time, just his face and neck; the imaginary coat make his body feel he was dressed.
The Minion cocked his head to the side and looked at Ianto with intense curiosity. “The Game Master is right; you only blush where there is no clothing. I find that very interesting. If you took off your pants, would you blush there also?”
Ianto shook his head, muttering, “I’m surrounded by idiots and sex maniacs,” as they trudged behind Jack and the Doctor.
“Jack, wait up.” Ianto had stepped on yet another rock and as a result, his grumpiness factor had gone up several more notches. “I’m not wearing boots or even Converse sneakers, which is a fashion statement with a suit!” Ianto rolled his eyes; right now he’d gladly take a pair of Converse. “My feet are in slippers, and I can’t walk as fast as you.”
Jack turned around and looked at Ianto, then down at his feet, and he grimaced. “Sorry, Yan, when your clothes changed, I didn’t look at your feet, much more interesting things to look at,” and Jack blatantly ran his gaze up Ianto’s body.
“It’s fine, Jack, I just have to watch where I put my feet, so I’m not as quick as I usually am.” Ianto caught up to the waiting men and giving in to a sudden urge, he twined his fingers in with Jack’s, as though laying claim to his man.
“Guess you’d like to have the SUV, or since we’re in fantasy land, a coach and horses, or a stretch limo!” Jack warmed to the idea and his eyes twinkled. “I have always wanted to travel in one of them; that would be fun. Driver up front, we could close the partition and have fun in the back! They have tinted windows, you know, and the driver wouldn’t have a clue what we were doing’ kinky, yeah.” Jack was nodding away, envisioning all the naughtiness that he and Ianto could get into behind the glass partition.
All of a sudden a stretch limo appeared before the quartet, complete with a uniformed driver holding open the door. “Your ride, sire. You will find that the bar is fully stocked with water for you, Brains beer for your companion and Earl Grey tea for the Doctor.” The chauffeur nodded to the men as they got into the limo. “You will also find a selection of canapé’s to eat on the side.”
With a sharp whistle of appreciation, the Doctor immediately jumped inside, and when the others looked inside, they found the Time Lord bouncing around like a hyperactive child. They watched with amusement as he went from one side to another, opening and closing the cabinets, pressing all the buttons and playing with all the knobs. One button in particular made the seats turn into a large bed and Jack took careful note of which one made that happen. The Doctor looked at the immortal man, saying “Jack!” while shaking his head with indulgent disapproval.
Ianto smiled with obvious delight, ‘Yep definitely Jack’s dream machine,’ and he flashed on a very clear and suggestive image of the two of them making very good use of the now-folded-up again bed.
Jack looked around, and held his hand out to Ianto as he stepped into the car. ‘“Perfect,” he sighed as he sank into the leather-upholstered seat. “Except it not just the two of us.”
Without warning, the Doctor and the Minion were gone and a disembodied voice came over the speaker. “Hi, um, Jack, we seem to be in another car now, following you. Seems another of your wishes has been granted, so we’ll meet you when we get to the town; it supposed to take about an hour.” The Doctor’s voice clicked off, and for a moment, there was complete silence.
Jack looked at his young lover and smiled. “My perfect way to travel, with Ianto in a skimpy pair of shorts on a huge bed.” With one hand, Jack unerringly found the correct button to make the bed return, and while with the other, he reached out to his Welshman. “Come here you.” Ianto was pulled into Jack’s embrace as they lay down.
“Jack, no! They’re gonna know what we are doing.” Ianto’s protests were obviously only for show, considering the way his eyes lit up with desire and his body began to make his shorty-shorts extremely uncomfortable.
“Well, yeah, but if we don’t they’re still gonna think we did, so why don’t we?” It made perfect sense to Jack and there was no way Ianto could deny his lover the opportunity to live out one of his fantasies.
“Good point, you have lube?”
“Always, Mr Jones, always.”
The limo stopped just as Jack and Ianto were getting dressed. “How’s that for timing?” Jack smirked.
“Well, since this whole trip is based around your wishes, of course you’d have enough time to fuck, get fucked and arrive just as we finished, I’m just happy I managed to get my tight, revealing, embarrassing shorts back on in time. Thank you very much!” Ianto snarked, half heartily, he had thoroughly enjoyed being part of Jack’s fantasy in the limo’s bed.
“Come on, Ianto, the others will be waiting for us.” Jack put on his blue sparkly top and just as his hand was about to touch the door handle, it opened and the chauffeur bowing them out of the vehicle. “I trust everything was to your satisfaction, sire,” he said with a totally dead-pan expression.
“And then some, my good man!” Jack was just a bundle of energy as he wrapped his arm around Ianto’s waist and they stepped away from the limo and looked around.
They were standing in the central square of a medieval marketplace. Ianto was going to cross over to a booth which caught his eye when he saw the Doctor and the Minion walking towards them. The Doctor did not look at all impressed. “Jack, our ride wasn’t as interesting as yours,” he started complaining the moment he saw Jack and didn’t stop until he was standing right next to him. “It was just a small car, no drinks, no buttons for me to press. I didn’t like it at all,” he stuck his lip out and pouted childishly.
“Sorry, Doc, didn’t plan it that way, but Ianto and I made good use... OOF!” Jack exhaled loudly as Ianto’s elbow buried itself in his stomach. He smiled weakly at the young man and quickly changed the subject. “Hey, I’ve used up my three wishes. Does that mean we can go home?” He looked at the genie, who shook his head.
“You have only used your thought wishes, you haven’t used your spoken wishes,” the Minion informed him. “They are the more important ones; they are deliberate and need to be well thought out. These are not just passing thoughts or whims.” He nodded at Ianto, and indicated the way he was dressed, “If you had thought before you wished, would you have dressed your lover like this? Would you really want him to be cold and uncomfortable?” The genie raised an eyebrow.
Jack looked at Ianto, and while he didn’t look cold anymore, Jack could understand how he probably had been. ‘Knowing Ianto, he wouldn’t mind dressing like that for me, but not for everyone else to see.’ “I’m sorry, Yan,” Jack apologised as he pulled him into a warm embrace. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you; I just thought you would look, well, hot, like you do, but I like to see you in your suits, or those really tight jeans, the one with the little rip, just below your gorgeous arse, they really,” Jack started to whisper in Ianto’s ear, “cling to all the right places, and how they make your cock stand out... my cock’s getting hard just thinking about it.”
Ianto immediately went beet red and he was thankful that the too-tight shorts were as tight as they were; they seemed to keep his instant erection under wraps, or so he thought.
“Jack, what are you saying to that poor boy, he’s going bright red!” The Doctor shook his head, muttering, “Yeah, have to take you twice, the second time is definitely to apologise!”
The Minion giggled; he was enjoying the banter between the three men. He had long ago discovered that the best part of his job was simply watching the behaviours of his charges. The two lovers were trying to be discrete, but it wasn’t working; ‘They may as well have a sign over their heads saying, ‘hot for him’. And the Doctor, making out he’s shocked, but he’s so happy that his friend has found love.’
“Come on, you two, unwrap from around each other, let’s go and investigate!” The Doctor nearly bounced away in excitement.
“Onward and upward,” Jack said as the trio followed the hyperactive Time Lord.
They wandered around the market taking in the myriad of sight, sounds and smells, browsing various stalls, chatting with alien and human vendors alike. At one point, after seeing some trinkets that he thought Gwen and Tosh would like, Jack spoke without thinking. “I wish I had some money to buy those.” Suddenly he felt a weight in his pocket, and, with an ear-to-ear grin, pulled out a purse, filled to over-flowing with gold coins. He happily purchased his chosen items with plenty of coins left over.
“One down, two to go,” the Doctor stated. “You better make them good wishes.” They found a food stall, and Jack treated them all to some battered potatoes and pumpkin. They were deep-fried and tasted delicious, and they nibbled as they carried their food along. A short distance from the stall, Ianto noticed some tables and benches and the quartet sat down gratefully. Immediately a buxom wench came over and asked, “What do you Gentlemen wish for?”
Ianto automatically put his hand over Jack’s mouth, fearing what inappropriate comment would come from him. The Doctor smiled at Ianto, saying, “Well caught! Don’t want to be chucked out just yet, too much to see.”
They ordered flagons of mead on the recommendation of their server, and it arrived in large pewter tankards. Jack was unaffected by the alcohol, and Ianto held his alcohol well, but the Doctor, the mead went straight to his head.
“This apple juice has made me all giddley.” The Time Lord giggled and his eyes widened at the sound. “I meant diggley, no, soggily.” The Doctor’s giggles abruptly turned int a moan. “Oh, Jack, why is the world spinning leftwards?” Alarmed by the sudden change, they looked at him and were startled to see he had gone a rather peculiar shade of chartreuse; it was not a becoming colour for a Time Lord.
Moving swiftly, Jack caught him just as he was about to fall off his seat. “No more mead for you, Doc,” he laughed.
Ianto called the waitress over to their table and asked “Have you any coffee or tea? Our friend isn’t very good with alcohol, and we need to sober him up a bit.” The woman nodded in agreement; she’d been standing off to the side, looking over Ianto’s nearly naked body with a hungry eye, and was thrilled to be next to him again.
The serving wench giggled and winked at Ianto before sashaying away; she returned a few moments later with a cup of strong smelling dark liquid. Ianto thanked the girl and pretended not to notice when her ample bosom brushed firmly against his naked shoulder. Fighting a blush, he looked in the cup, smelled it and immediately wished he hadn’t as his eyes began to water and his nose started to itch. With a worried frown, he handed the cup to Jack. “What do you think it is?”
Jack sniffed the brew, smiled and took a small exploratory sip before nodding with approval. “It’s fine, Ianto, it’s a drink similar to coffee, but the beans are slightly different; they have a caffeine level twice that of coffee.” He looked at the Doctor and smiled wickedly. “It’s gonna be interesting to see him on a caffeine high.”
Ianto rolled his eyes, took the tankard of mead away from the Doctor for the third time, and tried to replace it with the ‘coffee’, but the tipsy TIme Lord was unable to co ordinate his fingers enough to grasp the smaller handle. Sighing, Ianto held the mug to his lips and coaxed some of the hot liquid into the Time Lord.
The affect was almost instantaneous. The Doctor jumped to his feet and began talking so fast that his companions couldn’t understand most of what he was saying. His body was visibly vibrating, and he was constantly bouncing from foot to foot as if he were standing on a hotplate. He kept putting one hand on his hip while running his other hand through his hair and then he’d change hands and repeat the motions. Ianto thought he looked like a malfunctioning windmill, although at one stage he was able to coordinate both hands into doing the same thing at the same time.
Jack burst out laughing, “Oh I wish I had this on camera!”
Instantly, a camera appeared in mid-air and began filming the Doctor; pictures were floating down onto the table and a small TV monitor was showing the film. Ianto scrabbled to pick up all the pictures.
Suddenly the Doctor froze in place and then fainted, falling to the ground with a small thud. The camera stopped filming and ejected a USB drive, DVD, a video cartridge, a flash drive, several items Ianto couldn't recognise and a roll of film. Jack looked at the collection on the table, picking up one of the items Ianto didn’t recognise, saying, “Wow, even on a recordit! You got every known video recording device.” He turned to the Minion, “You’ve covered them all; I’m impressed.”
“Just doing as you wish, sire,” the Minion bowed.
The Time Lord slowly sat up, rubbing his head and wincing against the light. “Oh my head hurts! Was that hypervodka?” He smacked his lips with distaste and then stuck out his tongue as far as it would go and tried to look at it. “It tastes like hypervodka, Jack, and you know I don’t like that.
Jack shook his head. “Some Barliciao coffee, I would guess that you’re not use to the amount of caffeine it has.” Jack smirked at his friend. “It’s nice and it does the trick, but the kick is a bit much; Ianto wouldn’t be affected by it, but you’re usually a tea drinker.” Jack put out a hand and helped his friend up. “It was very amusing though, all captured for posterity.” He waved his hand at the table, indicating the numerous recordings.
“Jack, you have only one wish left, be careful with it.” The Doctor cautioned him.
“Could you just wish for more wishes?” Ianto asked, knowing it couldn’t be that simple.
“No, the wishes have to be pure, sweet and innocent, not mean, sneaky or designed to hurt.” The Minion replied.
“Pure? Sweet? Innocent? Getting me dressed like a Mardi Gras dancing boy is pure, sweet, and innocent? On what planet is that considered innocent?” Ianto was incredulous and his eyebrows shot up into his hairline.
“It was not done to hurt you, only to see you, and the wish was made with love and affection, so yes, I would call that pure, sweet and innocent,” the Minion replied.
Jack blushed, Ianto blushed and the now sober Doctor just went: “Awwww.”
There was a sudden and loud commotion near the gates to the market place and Jack and Ianto looked in the direction that the noise was coming from. Unable to see clearly, they took a few steps towards the ruckus, joining the small crowd that was forming.
Suddenly, several men, mounted on horses and dressed for battle were trampling through the crowds. Jack and Ianto saw immediately that the men were armed with shields and large battle axes while the horses were protected by plated armour. It was pandemonium, men and women were screaming and running in all directions as the warriors tore through the market, tearing down stalls and attacking people.
Caught up in the hysterical crowd, Jack became separated from Ianto and he turned in circles, desperately searching for his lover. The Doctor was trying to find them both, when suddenly he heard Jack howl. It was a sound of pain, utter and hopeless pain, and it made him want to cry. He ran to the noise.
Skidding to a stop, his hearts nearly broke when he saw the scene before him. Jack was sitting on the ground with Ianto pulled into his lap; tears poured down the immortal’s face as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. Bright red blood poured freely from a wound in the younger man’s side. There were traces of blood on the younger man’s lips and his skin was as white as snow. Ianto Jones was close to death.
The Doctor put his hand on Jack’s shoulder, feeling it shaking violently, and he surveyed the injured man. “I’m sorry Jack, I can’t help him. I don’t think there’s anything we can do; he is too badly injured.” He tightened his hand as he felt a huge shudder move through Jack.
Jack started to sob, gasping out a torrent of heartbroken words. “No, not him, please not him, please don’t take him from me, I want him, I want him forever, I don’t want him to ever go, I need him, please.” He kissed Ianto lips, “I love you, I wish... I wish you could be with me forever. Please Ianto, stay with me, please don’t leave me, come back to me, I love you, Ianto, I love you, I love you...”
Jack’s sobbing pleas were breaking the Time Lord’s hearts and his throat clogged with unshed tears. He tried to find words that would comfort his friend, but there were none. Jack was inconsolable as Ianto died in his arms, and as his beloved Welshman breathed his last breath, the immortal threw back his head and screamed at the heavens.
Time had passed; the warriors had finally left the marketplace, and the survivors were beginning to pick up the pieces of their tattered lives. The Doctor was attempting to get Jack to let go of Ianto, but he stubbornly refused to even acknowledge the Time Lord’s presence. He just sat in the blood-soaked mud, gently cradling the lifeless body of his lover and crooning softly in his ear.
Jack rocked Ianto in his arms, carding a hand through his hair, murmuring to him softly, reminiscing on their time together, while scalding tears rolled down his cheeks. He was totally oblivious to the shoppers and vendors who were gathered in groups of twos and threes, helplessly watching the immortal's out-pouring of grief and despair.
There was a gasp, a loud gasp, and Ianto’s body jerked, his limbs flailing about wildly, and then his arms scrambled to find something to hold on to. His fingers grabbed onto Jack’s arms with an iron grip tight enough to leave deep bruises. His eyes flew open and he sucked in great lungs full of air as he looked around.
“Shit, that hurt!” Ianto’s searching eyes finally found those of the man holding him, and he saw the tear-stained face and the red-rimmed, blood-shot blue eyes. “What happened?” He reached up one hand and tenderly caressed Jack’s cheek. “Are you all right, Cariad?”
Before Jack or the Doctor could speak a sudden swirl of shimmering light engulfed the three men. A faint familiar voice could be heard in the distance; it was the Minion, speaking to Jack for the last time. “You have your final wish, sire; goodbye.”
The whirlpool of swirling colours vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and the three men landed on the floor of the Hub, with a bump. Leaping to their feet, they looked at one another; Jack was dressed as he normally was, and Ianto was his usual immaculate self wearing his suit, The Doctor, however, was... well... the Doctor was still the Doctor, after all, and Ianto could only shake his head in dismay at the Time Lord’s questionable dress sense. The man was a hopeless mess; nobody wore Converse trainers with a suit, especially not in fluorescent red with purple laces.
Gwen stared at them with her mouth hanging open, and Owen snarked, “So where have you two been, it’s been twenty minutes! One minute you were here and, the next, nothing. And then all of a sudden, you’re back with a mate in tow.”
“Doctor! So good to see you again.” Tosh held out her hand to the Time Lord, “I met you in your previous regeneration, over the space pig, in London.”
“Ah, yes, good to see you again, Miss Sato, are you well?” The Doctor shook her hand enthusiastically, nearly shaking her whole body.
“Yes, fine, thank you. Your TARDIS is parked up on the invisible lift, so she’s quite safe, I’m glad you were with Jack and Ianto. When they disappeared and your ship arrived, I hoped you would all be together.” She smiled at him.
“Oi! Tea-Boy, why have you got blood on you?” Owen studied Ianto with narrowed eyes; his shirt looked to be well-soaked, and there were traces of blood around his mouth. “My lair, now,” he ordered as he spun on his heel and prepared to stalk off to the med bay.
“It’s okay, Owen, I’m fine.” Ianto turned to the Doctor. “More than fine, if I correctly understand what just happened, right Doctor?”
The Doctor stared at Ianto for a moment, completely clueless and then it was easy to see when the light bulb went on. “Oh, yeah! Okay, sonic screwdriver. Jack, remember sonic screwdrivers and your comments about putting up shelves? Bet you were sorry you said that, my screwdriver is so much better, it can put up cupboards, and mix banana smoothies, can we go and get one la....”
“Doctor, please check Ianto, then we’ll go have a smoothie.” Jack was on tenterhooks, he wanted to know; he needed to, what had happened during their last few minutes on Barthelon.
Holding his hand up in a placating gesture, the Doctor adjusted his sonic tool. “Okay, Mr Jones, stand still, please,” and he ran the screwdriver over Ianto, examined the results, and then he smiled broadly. “Jack, you know how I said you were an impossible thing? Well, there are two of you now.” He looked at the two men and rubbed his hands together. “So, where can we get a banana smoothie around here?” The 900-year-old Time Lord started to pout as he realised that his question had fallen on deaf ears.
The two immortal lovers were lost in their own little world, Jack had pulled Ianto into his arms and Ianto seemed to be comforting the older man. There was a lot of kissing and whispering going on between them. The Doctor looked around at the others. Owen was looking stunned, Gwen was doing an admirable fish impersonation and Tosh was smiling, tearfully, overjoyed that her Captain and her best friend would be together, forever.
Characters: Jack/Ianto, The Doctor.
Rating: pg13
Word count: 7,842
Warnings: Character death - but not permanent
Summary: Jack and Ianto are transported to a fantasy planet and run into the Doctor.
A/N: Written for the Who (Re)verse Bang, from the art made by cjharknessgirl
Beta: Myfawnyfliesatnight, who is brilliant and gave this story life and much better grammar, she is just brilliant.

“You have got to be kidding.” Ianto looked at Jack, “You have got to be fucking kidding!”
“You look good though,” Jack ran his eyes up and down his young lover, who didn’t look all that comfortable.
“You? You look ridiculous,” he snarked back. “At least mine has a chance of being authentic; yours is…” Ianto shook his head, looking at his Captain. He was dressed in a sparkly blue outfit, with heavy beading on the cuffs and shoulders; there was a deeply cut ‘V’ neck - Ianto did take a moment to gaze at the neck and chest that were on view - but then he shook his head. He was letting his imagination distract him from the job at hand. “The neckline is wrong; you would have had a higher neck, or a scarf or cravat, and the colour, it’s all wrong.”
“And you would have been dressed in yellow?” The older man was getting annoyed; he thought he looked good.
“Well, possibly not this shade of yellow, as the dyes of the times wouldn’t have made such a... harsh yellow, but at least it’s all here, and I have a hat.” Ianto plucked the hat from his head and looked at the tri-cor, “Maybe I should have left it on my head, now I’m not sure which way it goes around.”
“Yeah, you would look foolish with your hat on backwards and walking in with a person dressed like an idiot.” Jack mumbled as he looked around him.
“Jack, I’m sorry. I like the look on you; I mean, I can see your chest which is a part I do so like,” and for a brief moment his eyes flashed with desire, “but it seems as if we’re not in our own time, and I don’t want you to get hurt…” He trailed off.
“Don’t worry, can’t die,” Jack replied.
“Jack, you die, you just come back, but it still hurts you and it hurts me every time.” The younger man told him, the pain in his eyes underlining his words.
Jack looked at his young lover, pulled him close and kissed him on the lips. “But I do look good?”
“Yes, Jack, you do look good, silly, but good.”
“What you’re wearing is hot, like the trousers, really show off your…”
“Jack! Can’t take you anywhere! Well, have to take you twice, second time to apologise.”
The two men looked toward the sound of the voice, and standing there was a skinny man, his dark hair poking up in all directions, and he was frowning behind his thick glasses. Ianto shuddered at what he was wearing; ‘who would wear a suit with Converse trainers - bright red, Converse trainers - and that coat? I could never love that coat.’
Jack turned and looked at the man for a second and then recognitions set in. “Doctor? What are you doing here, and how did we get here?”
“And why are we wearing these ridiculous clothes,” added Ianto, feeling a tad out of place and uncomfortable without his usual suit. He cast a critical eye at how the Doctor was dressed and muttered, “Who on Earth dresses in such garb?”
Cocking his eyebrow at Ianto, Jack looked at him and mouthed, “Garb? You said garb?”
Ianto rolled his eyes, and turned to face the Doctor; he put his hands behind his back and said, in a rather formal tone, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Doctor.”
Jack looked at Ianto, surprised in several ways; first that Ianto was so cold towards the Doctor and second, that he recognised the Time Lord in the first place, having never seen him before in any incarnation. He looked at the younger man quizzically. “How did you know it was the Doctor?”
“Jack, I know everything!” He looked steadily at the older man, “Plus, who else would wear what he is, in this place. His description was in the archives from Canary Wharf as well.” Ianto then said, in a quieter, less confident voice, “He’s going to take you away, isn’t he?”
“No, Ianto, I won’t go. I’ve chosen you; you’re the reason I came back, you, only you.” Jack put his hand on Ianto’s arm and pulled him into his chest holding him tightly.
Ianto took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Jack; he sighed and mumbled into his lover’s neck, “Sorry, he makes me… mad.”
An irritating cheerful voice interrupted their quiet moment. “Mad? I made you mad, you sure? I never make people mad. Well, maybe, I do get chased a bit, but running is good, keeps you fit, healthy, like eating bananas; they’re good for you…”
“Doc, stop, you’re rambling.” Jack kissed Ianto’s head and faced the Doctor. “What’s this all about? We were just about to go home, we’d planned a night in, to watch a DVD, or should I say, not watching a DVD, when all of a sudden, we’re sitting on a bale of hay, wearing these clothes. So what’s going on?”
“Ah, good question. It was sort of my fault, I guess.” The Time Lord rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was embarrassed.
“You guess, Doc? What have you done?” Jack looked at his old friend, not very amused. “Yan and I were having our first night off in two weeks; we were just about to... mmmff.” Jack was cut off by a hand suddenly clapped over his mouth.
“Jack, the Doctor does not need to know what we were about to do.” Ianto gave his lover a warning look.
“Oh, what were you about to do? Would it have been fun? Did it involve bananas? Ianto, how are you? How do you put up with him? Martha said he talked about you a lot. It’s nice to meet you!” The Doctor’s rapid-fire questions finally ended as he took a step forward and as Ianto put his hand out to shake the Doctor’s, he was handed a banana instead.
Ianto looked at the fruit with a mixture of exasperation and amusement before he sighed, peeled it, and handed half to Jack. He then watched with lust-filled eyes as first Jack held it gently between his fingertips and ran his tongue over the length of it before taking it between his teeth with a quiet, throat moan that only Ianto could hear. Next, Jack looked up and met Ianto’s eyes and holding his gaze, Jack slowly sucked the flesh into his mouth and swallowed it down.
Ianto, gulped loudly, remembering when Jack had done that to him, and certain parts of his anatomy began clamouring for attention. Fortunately his dignity was saved when the Doctor, totally oblivious to what had just passed between Jack and Ianto, turned his attention from looking around him in amazement back to his two unwilling guests.
“Now Jack, what’s happening?” He bounced on his toes, looking at the immortal eagerly; he could just smell adventure in the air.
“I thought you were going to tell us! You said this is your fault that we’re all of a sudden here, in different clothes, and this is sitting next to us.” Jack held up the metal lamp and waved it accusingly at the Doctor. “It’s a lamp, or so Ianto says,” Jack looked at it, turning it over, “but it doesn’t seem to have an on-off switch.”
“Jack, it’s not that sort of lamp, it’s an oil lamp.” Ianto took the lamp from Jack and lifted the lid. “The oil goes in here, and a wick is threaded through the spout and lit. It’s on the small side and probably wouldn’t give much light, so I assume it’s for burning fragrant oils.”
“Woooh, he’s a clever one, Jack! I like him.”
Ianto just glared at the Doctor while Jack grinned proudly. “It’s a bit worse for wear and a bit dusty, needs a good clean.” He went to hand it back to Jack but the Doctor grabbed it first.
Eyes wide with curiosity, the Time Lord started looking it over closely, examining it from every angle, paying special attention to the bottom, before turning it right-side up and opening the lid. He sniffed at it and went to lick it, the tip of his tongue appearing and hovering just over the surface, before he seemed to change his mind with a frown. Looking up and realising the two men watching him, he smiled at them apologetically. “Better not do that; don’t know where Jack’s hands have been.”
Ianto rolled his eyes and fought back a blush, and then shook his head and muttered about demented Time Lords.
Jack snatched the lamp back, hurt by what the Doctor had said. His hands were always clean; Ianto insisted on it.
“It’s a nice lamp, I think I might keep it as a souvenir, remind me of what Ianto looks like in those hose.” Jack started to absently rub the lamp as he ran his eyes appreciatively over his lover’s shapely legs.
Without warning a puff of smoke appeared and began to grow; its movement was almost hypnotic with swirling currents of greens and blues, purples and oranges. Ianto raised his hand and shielded his eyes; it was like a bad tie-dyed shirt had thrown up in the air. Gradually the colours merged into a shape... an alien?
Jack and Ianto stared at the apparition. It was a rather large man with muscles, lots of muscles in all the right places, a rather swarthy complexion mesmerising come-hither eyes, dark long hair begging to have fingers run through it, and he was wearing shorts, very tight and very short, shorts.
“Ianto, look at him! Wow!” Jack’s mouth fell open as he ran his eyes over the man from head to toe and back again, pausing here and there to really look. Ianto looked at the man, the apparition, the alien in front of him, and then back at Jack. He took one look at the immortal and shook his head with fond annoyance.
“Jack, close your mouth. You’re drooling.”
“I’m not drooling.”
Ianto leant forward and wiped a little bit of moisture from the side of his lover’s lips, and raised an amused eyebrow at him.
“All right, a bit, but you gotta admit he’s hot! I mean, can you imagine...” Jack saw the very unimpressed look on the younger man’s face and hastily clarified his statement. “Not that I would ever do anything about it, you know, look but don’t touch...” and he held up his hands to demonstrate.
Ianto smiled at his lover, secretly please that he had managed to fluster Jack. “Yeah, I know, but it’s fun to tease you,” he said, breaking into a huge grin and planting a quick kiss on the tip of Jack’s noise. “And yeah, he is, but how d’you reckon he got those pants on? They’re practically painted on they’re so tight.”
Jack signed. “So tight you can tell he’s been cir...”
“Jack, too much information.” Ianto put his hand over Jack’s mouth again. “We don’t know who or what he is and we don’t want to upset him; he may be armed.”
The Doctor had been silently looking at the man in front of him, studying him, and when he heard Ianto’s last words, he quickly offered an observation. “Wouldn’t worry about that; he’s got nowhere to hide a gun, no pockets.”
Jack grinned, his mind flying back to the very small, very powerful micro-gun he had once tucked away. He turned to Ianto, “I’ve hidden a gun in my...”
Again a hand was hastily slapped over his mouth, and when Ianto let him go, Jack snarked, “What! Don’t I get to finish any sentences today?”
“Yes, if they are appropriate for mixed company,” Ianto replied.
The Doctor laughed, “Oh, Jack, I really like this one! Now,” and then he turned his attention to the scantly-dressed man, “how can we help you?”
The muscled man turned to Jack and got down on one knee. “Master, you summoned me; I am at your service.”
Ianto rested his head on Jack shoulder, his shoulders shaking in laughter. “Jack, only you... could ‘summon’ the genie from the lamp!” he was finally able to gasp out. He gripped Jack’s arm for support as his laughter grew heartier.
Deliberately ignoring Ianto, Jack looked at the man kneeing at his feet then up at The Doctor. “Doc, any idea of what is going on?”
“Well, the story of Aladdin’s magic lamp is legendary on Earth, and on a number of other planets there are several folk tales of genies in bottles granting wishes. In fact, on the moon Rugmalish Prime, there’s an entire religious order dedicated to worshipping just such a being. Now, with lots of these tales there are usually rational reason for them, hysteria, and the covering old myths by the new people in power in order to lessen the influence of the previous rulers. It’s interesting to note that in your Earth, the Easter celebrations where stuck bang right on top of the ‘Eoster’ celebration, trying to stop people celebrating both and...”
“Doctor, you’re heading off on a tangent,” Jack interrupted indulgently; he was well used to the man’s rambling mind, but he could tell Ianto was getting impatient.
Ianto looked at the Doctor, “So, who, and or what, is this one?”
“OH! Sorry. Yes, well, he seems to be... I’ll just check.” The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and ran it over the man still kneeling silently at Jack’s feet. “Oooh! Nice one, Jack! He’s a ‘Minion’.” The Doctor rocked back and forth with a satisfied, albeit excited, expression, as if he had explained everything.
Giving an excellent imitation of an Ianto Jones eye-roll, Jack looked at the Time Lord expectantly. “Doc, what’s a Minion and what do they do?” Jack was staring at the man in front of him, thinking, ‘Wow, this is hot, but I’d rather see Ianto is those pants.’
All of a sudden there was a bright swirl of fluorescent blue and Ianto felt unexpectedly and uncomfortably cold. He looked down at himself to discover that all he was wearing was a pair of shiny gold shorty-shorts.
“Oh, look, Jack! When he blushes it goes all down his chest and back!” The Doctor was fascinated and circled Ianto, peering intently at him. At one point he raised his hand to touch the young man’s chest, but seeing the warning look on Jack’s face, he quickly stuffed his hand in his pocket. Ianto was even more embarrassed by the unwanted attention which made his blush deepen. It took some effort on his part, Jack tore his gaze from Ianto’s gorgeous, half-naked body and turned to the Time Lord; he was becoming very worried.
“Doc, I just thought I would like to see Ianto dressed like this guy and poof! It happened! He seems to have read my thoughts.” Jack looked speculatively at the man before him, the mysterious being just smiled and nodded towards Jack.
The Doctor snapped his fingers in excitement. “Jack, don’t think of anything you want, otherwise it will happen. I know what and where we are.” The Doctor skipped around Ianto again, looking at him from all sides. “You are a lucky man, Jack; he is a very pretty boy.”
“Hey, hands off, he’s mine.”
“Oh, I don’t want him, I’m just sayin’.” Recognising the warning tone in Jack’s voice, the Doctor took a step back, although his eyes didn’t leave Ianto’s form.
“Still in the room, still hearing you, still freezing my arse off here,” Ianto growled huffily at the others.
Jack took a step towards his lover. “Wish I had my coat with me; it would keep you warm...” Realising what he’d just said Jack immediately held up his hand to his ‘genie’. “No, don’t make my coat appear!” he yelped. He waited until the Minion nodded before he wrapped his arms around Ianto’s shivering body. “All I can do is hold you; will that do?” Jack said as Ianto leaned into him. “But boy, you are hot in these shorts,” he whispered into his young lover’s ear. Ianto snorted and sighed but there was no missing the pleased look of desire in his eyes.
The Minion rose and walked towards Jack; he cleared his throat and stated, “Master of mine, you have summoned me and you are therefore entitled to six wishes, three wishes of thought and three wishes of word. You have used one, to dress your mate as I. What would you like for your other wishes?”
“Doc, what’s going on?” Jack forced his mind to go blank before he could use up another of his mental wishes.
“Well, Jack, it seems that that Rift of yours has transported the both of you to the fantasy world of Barthelon. The TARDIS noted that you had jumped and was worried about you, so she brought me here to check if you were all right. It’s not where I was planning to go, but it is a fun world,” the Doctor explained while scanning Ianto with the sonic screwdriver. “It looks like the planet is in its ‘fairy tale’ season, hence the ‘genie in a lamp’ scenario.”
He looked at the reading from the screwdriver, and nodded, “Yep, just go with the flow, and we’ll be released.” He smiled at the other two men. “Just have fun. But not so much fun that I have to bring you back to apologise, Jack,” he warned the immortal in a patronising tone and shook a finger at him.
Ianto bristled at the way the Doctor was talking to Jack; he remembered that however charming the Time Lord could be, he had still hurt Jack deeply and deliberately. “Doctor,” Ianto asked his voice and eyes cold, “the usual fairy tale is three wishes; why is the Minion offering Jack six?”
“Oh, good question!” the Doctor pretended not to notice the change in Ianto’s attitude. “It’s cos some species don’t talk and only communicate telepathically. Jack here, is a mild telepathy; all human are,” he waved his sonic screwdriver at Ianto’s head. When he saw the reading, his eyebrows met his hairline. “So are you, quite a strong one, as a matter of fact! He’s an amazing one, Jack; might borrow him for a spin in the TARDIS.”
Jack held tightly to Ianto and turned their bodies, as if using his own to shield the young man from the clutches of the Time Lord. He narrowed his eyes at the Doctor and his handsome face took a decidedly possessive, predator demeanour.
Ianto wiggled just enough to loosen Jack’s grip so he could breathe easily again, and looked into the older man’s eyes. He recognised the expression and felt his heart somersault in his chest. Patting Jack’s hand, he hastened to reassure his lover. “I wouldn’t go with him, not without you, Jack.”
The immortal searched Ianto’s face for a moment and then, clearly satisfied with the truth and emotion he saw shinning forth, he kissed Ianto before turning his attention back to the Doctor.
“So,” Jack said, “I have to use the wishes up in order to release us from the hold of the planet. Yeah, Doc, I’ve heard of Barthelon, it was quite a popular place to visit, this phase and also the ‘procreation’ phase.” Jack waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he looked at Ianto who looked back, puzzled.
“The planet will hold you to its environ until the ‘game’ is over; it’s one of the pleasure planets in the Vegas Galaxies,” Jack explained with the knowledgeable air of someone who’d been a frequent visitor.
“So when the game is over we’re released, but how do we get back home?” Ianto asked.
“Well, I can always take you back,” the Doctor interjected. “As I’ve interacted with you, I’m probably programmed into your game, Jack.”
“Great,” mumbled Ianto, “just great.” ‘I guess there won’t be much Jack-and-Ianto-time with him here.’ With a weary sigh, Ianto took a step away from Jack, already distancing himself from the let-down he knew was coming. “Any chance you can use one of your wishes to change my clothes back? I’m freezing my arse off here.”
Hearing the disappointment in his young lover’s voice, and seeing his shoulder droop just a bit, but being Jack, he completely misunderstood the reason for Ianto’s withdrawal. Jack put his hand under Ianto’s chin and looked him in the eye. “Hey Yan, don’t be upset; it’s gonna be fun, isn’t that right, Doc?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s gonna be fun.” The Doctor put his arm around Jack’s shoulder. “Let’s head off this way and find out what we can do that’s fun.” The Doctor walked off with Jack in tow and the Minion followed obediently, leaving Ianto to bring up the rear, feeling dejected and rejected. ‘And I’m still in these damn shorts.’
As they walked down towards the town, the Minion turned to Ianto. “The ‘Game Master’, he wished you to be dressed like this. I can see you are uncomfortable but I can’t change your clothes until he wishes, although I can make it so you are not cold.” Suddenly Ianto went from feeling a cold breeze on his body to a feeling of being nice and warm, as if Jack did have his coat and had wrapped it around him. Ianto sniffed with obvious delight; “How did you do that, make the warmth feel and smell like Jack’s coat?”
“I can feel and see what is going on; I can feel that Jack is the one who makes you feel warm and safe and that his coat is a physical representation of that, so I have made it feel like you have the coat on.” The Minion shrugged with casual innocence, “It’s what I do.”
“I don’t understand it, but thanks, I do feel warmer and more comfortable.” Ianto asked as they walked along behind the still-chattering-away Time Lord and Jack, his ever appreciative audience “Don’t you feel cold dressed like that?”
“No,” the Minion smiled; he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had inquired about his well-being, and he decided that he liked this young Ianto-human. “I am the unconscious manifestation of Jack’s imagination and belief of what a person who comes out of a bottle, or in this case, a lamp, should look and dress like, so this is just how I am. I don’t feel the cold.”
Ianto chuckled, “So Jack believes in genies in a bottle.” He quite liked this newly-discovered child-like aspect of Jack’s personality, believing in romantic fairy-tales.
“It is a story that is in many cultures.”
“Do you have to do everything Jack says or thinks? Do you have any veto if he asked for the impossible or the dangerous?” Ianto was curious as to just how far Jack would be allowed to go. ‘He can be a bit out there,’ thought Ianto, ‘just look at how I’m dressed.’
“The Game Master, he would not hurt someone on purpose, but it is dependent on him; if he wishes it, it will happen.” The Minion looked at Ianto with wise and knowing eyes, “You trust him to do what is right, I can feel that; you trust him with your life and more, you trust him with your... do you want me to tell you to tell him?” He smiled at Ianto, who blushed but not all over this time, just his face and neck; the imaginary coat make his body feel he was dressed.
The Minion cocked his head to the side and looked at Ianto with intense curiosity. “The Game Master is right; you only blush where there is no clothing. I find that very interesting. If you took off your pants, would you blush there also?”
Ianto shook his head, muttering, “I’m surrounded by idiots and sex maniacs,” as they trudged behind Jack and the Doctor.
“Jack, wait up.” Ianto had stepped on yet another rock and as a result, his grumpiness factor had gone up several more notches. “I’m not wearing boots or even Converse sneakers, which is a fashion statement with a suit!” Ianto rolled his eyes; right now he’d gladly take a pair of Converse. “My feet are in slippers, and I can’t walk as fast as you.”
Jack turned around and looked at Ianto, then down at his feet, and he grimaced. “Sorry, Yan, when your clothes changed, I didn’t look at your feet, much more interesting things to look at,” and Jack blatantly ran his gaze up Ianto’s body.
“It’s fine, Jack, I just have to watch where I put my feet, so I’m not as quick as I usually am.” Ianto caught up to the waiting men and giving in to a sudden urge, he twined his fingers in with Jack’s, as though laying claim to his man.
“Guess you’d like to have the SUV, or since we’re in fantasy land, a coach and horses, or a stretch limo!” Jack warmed to the idea and his eyes twinkled. “I have always wanted to travel in one of them; that would be fun. Driver up front, we could close the partition and have fun in the back! They have tinted windows, you know, and the driver wouldn’t have a clue what we were doing’ kinky, yeah.” Jack was nodding away, envisioning all the naughtiness that he and Ianto could get into behind the glass partition.
All of a sudden a stretch limo appeared before the quartet, complete with a uniformed driver holding open the door. “Your ride, sire. You will find that the bar is fully stocked with water for you, Brains beer for your companion and Earl Grey tea for the Doctor.” The chauffeur nodded to the men as they got into the limo. “You will also find a selection of canapé’s to eat on the side.”
With a sharp whistle of appreciation, the Doctor immediately jumped inside, and when the others looked inside, they found the Time Lord bouncing around like a hyperactive child. They watched with amusement as he went from one side to another, opening and closing the cabinets, pressing all the buttons and playing with all the knobs. One button in particular made the seats turn into a large bed and Jack took careful note of which one made that happen. The Doctor looked at the immortal man, saying “Jack!” while shaking his head with indulgent disapproval.
Ianto smiled with obvious delight, ‘Yep definitely Jack’s dream machine,’ and he flashed on a very clear and suggestive image of the two of them making very good use of the now-folded-up again bed.
Jack looked around, and held his hand out to Ianto as he stepped into the car. ‘“Perfect,” he sighed as he sank into the leather-upholstered seat. “Except it not just the two of us.”
Without warning, the Doctor and the Minion were gone and a disembodied voice came over the speaker. “Hi, um, Jack, we seem to be in another car now, following you. Seems another of your wishes has been granted, so we’ll meet you when we get to the town; it supposed to take about an hour.” The Doctor’s voice clicked off, and for a moment, there was complete silence.
Jack looked at his young lover and smiled. “My perfect way to travel, with Ianto in a skimpy pair of shorts on a huge bed.” With one hand, Jack unerringly found the correct button to make the bed return, and while with the other, he reached out to his Welshman. “Come here you.” Ianto was pulled into Jack’s embrace as they lay down.
“Jack, no! They’re gonna know what we are doing.” Ianto’s protests were obviously only for show, considering the way his eyes lit up with desire and his body began to make his shorty-shorts extremely uncomfortable.
“Well, yeah, but if we don’t they’re still gonna think we did, so why don’t we?” It made perfect sense to Jack and there was no way Ianto could deny his lover the opportunity to live out one of his fantasies.
“Good point, you have lube?”
“Always, Mr Jones, always.”
The limo stopped just as Jack and Ianto were getting dressed. “How’s that for timing?” Jack smirked.
“Well, since this whole trip is based around your wishes, of course you’d have enough time to fuck, get fucked and arrive just as we finished, I’m just happy I managed to get my tight, revealing, embarrassing shorts back on in time. Thank you very much!” Ianto snarked, half heartily, he had thoroughly enjoyed being part of Jack’s fantasy in the limo’s bed.
“Come on, Ianto, the others will be waiting for us.” Jack put on his blue sparkly top and just as his hand was about to touch the door handle, it opened and the chauffeur bowing them out of the vehicle. “I trust everything was to your satisfaction, sire,” he said with a totally dead-pan expression.
“And then some, my good man!” Jack was just a bundle of energy as he wrapped his arm around Ianto’s waist and they stepped away from the limo and looked around.
They were standing in the central square of a medieval marketplace. Ianto was going to cross over to a booth which caught his eye when he saw the Doctor and the Minion walking towards them. The Doctor did not look at all impressed. “Jack, our ride wasn’t as interesting as yours,” he started complaining the moment he saw Jack and didn’t stop until he was standing right next to him. “It was just a small car, no drinks, no buttons for me to press. I didn’t like it at all,” he stuck his lip out and pouted childishly.
“Sorry, Doc, didn’t plan it that way, but Ianto and I made good use... OOF!” Jack exhaled loudly as Ianto’s elbow buried itself in his stomach. He smiled weakly at the young man and quickly changed the subject. “Hey, I’ve used up my three wishes. Does that mean we can go home?” He looked at the genie, who shook his head.
“You have only used your thought wishes, you haven’t used your spoken wishes,” the Minion informed him. “They are the more important ones; they are deliberate and need to be well thought out. These are not just passing thoughts or whims.” He nodded at Ianto, and indicated the way he was dressed, “If you had thought before you wished, would you have dressed your lover like this? Would you really want him to be cold and uncomfortable?” The genie raised an eyebrow.
Jack looked at Ianto, and while he didn’t look cold anymore, Jack could understand how he probably had been. ‘Knowing Ianto, he wouldn’t mind dressing like that for me, but not for everyone else to see.’ “I’m sorry, Yan,” Jack apologised as he pulled him into a warm embrace. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you; I just thought you would look, well, hot, like you do, but I like to see you in your suits, or those really tight jeans, the one with the little rip, just below your gorgeous arse, they really,” Jack started to whisper in Ianto’s ear, “cling to all the right places, and how they make your cock stand out... my cock’s getting hard just thinking about it.”
Ianto immediately went beet red and he was thankful that the too-tight shorts were as tight as they were; they seemed to keep his instant erection under wraps, or so he thought.
“Jack, what are you saying to that poor boy, he’s going bright red!” The Doctor shook his head, muttering, “Yeah, have to take you twice, the second time is definitely to apologise!”
The Minion giggled; he was enjoying the banter between the three men. He had long ago discovered that the best part of his job was simply watching the behaviours of his charges. The two lovers were trying to be discrete, but it wasn’t working; ‘They may as well have a sign over their heads saying, ‘hot for him’. And the Doctor, making out he’s shocked, but he’s so happy that his friend has found love.’
“Come on, you two, unwrap from around each other, let’s go and investigate!” The Doctor nearly bounced away in excitement.
“Onward and upward,” Jack said as the trio followed the hyperactive Time Lord.
They wandered around the market taking in the myriad of sight, sounds and smells, browsing various stalls, chatting with alien and human vendors alike. At one point, after seeing some trinkets that he thought Gwen and Tosh would like, Jack spoke without thinking. “I wish I had some money to buy those.” Suddenly he felt a weight in his pocket, and, with an ear-to-ear grin, pulled out a purse, filled to over-flowing with gold coins. He happily purchased his chosen items with plenty of coins left over.
“One down, two to go,” the Doctor stated. “You better make them good wishes.” They found a food stall, and Jack treated them all to some battered potatoes and pumpkin. They were deep-fried and tasted delicious, and they nibbled as they carried their food along. A short distance from the stall, Ianto noticed some tables and benches and the quartet sat down gratefully. Immediately a buxom wench came over and asked, “What do you Gentlemen wish for?”
Ianto automatically put his hand over Jack’s mouth, fearing what inappropriate comment would come from him. The Doctor smiled at Ianto, saying, “Well caught! Don’t want to be chucked out just yet, too much to see.”
They ordered flagons of mead on the recommendation of their server, and it arrived in large pewter tankards. Jack was unaffected by the alcohol, and Ianto held his alcohol well, but the Doctor, the mead went straight to his head.
“This apple juice has made me all giddley.” The Time Lord giggled and his eyes widened at the sound. “I meant diggley, no, soggily.” The Doctor’s giggles abruptly turned int a moan. “Oh, Jack, why is the world spinning leftwards?” Alarmed by the sudden change, they looked at him and were startled to see he had gone a rather peculiar shade of chartreuse; it was not a becoming colour for a Time Lord.
Moving swiftly, Jack caught him just as he was about to fall off his seat. “No more mead for you, Doc,” he laughed.
Ianto called the waitress over to their table and asked “Have you any coffee or tea? Our friend isn’t very good with alcohol, and we need to sober him up a bit.” The woman nodded in agreement; she’d been standing off to the side, looking over Ianto’s nearly naked body with a hungry eye, and was thrilled to be next to him again.
The serving wench giggled and winked at Ianto before sashaying away; she returned a few moments later with a cup of strong smelling dark liquid. Ianto thanked the girl and pretended not to notice when her ample bosom brushed firmly against his naked shoulder. Fighting a blush, he looked in the cup, smelled it and immediately wished he hadn’t as his eyes began to water and his nose started to itch. With a worried frown, he handed the cup to Jack. “What do you think it is?”
Jack sniffed the brew, smiled and took a small exploratory sip before nodding with approval. “It’s fine, Ianto, it’s a drink similar to coffee, but the beans are slightly different; they have a caffeine level twice that of coffee.” He looked at the Doctor and smiled wickedly. “It’s gonna be interesting to see him on a caffeine high.”
Ianto rolled his eyes, took the tankard of mead away from the Doctor for the third time, and tried to replace it with the ‘coffee’, but the tipsy TIme Lord was unable to co ordinate his fingers enough to grasp the smaller handle. Sighing, Ianto held the mug to his lips and coaxed some of the hot liquid into the Time Lord.
The affect was almost instantaneous. The Doctor jumped to his feet and began talking so fast that his companions couldn’t understand most of what he was saying. His body was visibly vibrating, and he was constantly bouncing from foot to foot as if he were standing on a hotplate. He kept putting one hand on his hip while running his other hand through his hair and then he’d change hands and repeat the motions. Ianto thought he looked like a malfunctioning windmill, although at one stage he was able to coordinate both hands into doing the same thing at the same time.
Jack burst out laughing, “Oh I wish I had this on camera!”
Instantly, a camera appeared in mid-air and began filming the Doctor; pictures were floating down onto the table and a small TV monitor was showing the film. Ianto scrabbled to pick up all the pictures.
Suddenly the Doctor froze in place and then fainted, falling to the ground with a small thud. The camera stopped filming and ejected a USB drive, DVD, a video cartridge, a flash drive, several items Ianto couldn't recognise and a roll of film. Jack looked at the collection on the table, picking up one of the items Ianto didn’t recognise, saying, “Wow, even on a recordit! You got every known video recording device.” He turned to the Minion, “You’ve covered them all; I’m impressed.”
“Just doing as you wish, sire,” the Minion bowed.
The Time Lord slowly sat up, rubbing his head and wincing against the light. “Oh my head hurts! Was that hypervodka?” He smacked his lips with distaste and then stuck out his tongue as far as it would go and tried to look at it. “It tastes like hypervodka, Jack, and you know I don’t like that.
Jack shook his head. “Some Barliciao coffee, I would guess that you’re not use to the amount of caffeine it has.” Jack smirked at his friend. “It’s nice and it does the trick, but the kick is a bit much; Ianto wouldn’t be affected by it, but you’re usually a tea drinker.” Jack put out a hand and helped his friend up. “It was very amusing though, all captured for posterity.” He waved his hand at the table, indicating the numerous recordings.
“Jack, you have only one wish left, be careful with it.” The Doctor cautioned him.
“Could you just wish for more wishes?” Ianto asked, knowing it couldn’t be that simple.
“No, the wishes have to be pure, sweet and innocent, not mean, sneaky or designed to hurt.” The Minion replied.
“Pure? Sweet? Innocent? Getting me dressed like a Mardi Gras dancing boy is pure, sweet, and innocent? On what planet is that considered innocent?” Ianto was incredulous and his eyebrows shot up into his hairline.
“It was not done to hurt you, only to see you, and the wish was made with love and affection, so yes, I would call that pure, sweet and innocent,” the Minion replied.
Jack blushed, Ianto blushed and the now sober Doctor just went: “Awwww.”
There was a sudden and loud commotion near the gates to the market place and Jack and Ianto looked in the direction that the noise was coming from. Unable to see clearly, they took a few steps towards the ruckus, joining the small crowd that was forming.
Suddenly, several men, mounted on horses and dressed for battle were trampling through the crowds. Jack and Ianto saw immediately that the men were armed with shields and large battle axes while the horses were protected by plated armour. It was pandemonium, men and women were screaming and running in all directions as the warriors tore through the market, tearing down stalls and attacking people.
Caught up in the hysterical crowd, Jack became separated from Ianto and he turned in circles, desperately searching for his lover. The Doctor was trying to find them both, when suddenly he heard Jack howl. It was a sound of pain, utter and hopeless pain, and it made him want to cry. He ran to the noise.
Skidding to a stop, his hearts nearly broke when he saw the scene before him. Jack was sitting on the ground with Ianto pulled into his lap; tears poured down the immortal’s face as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. Bright red blood poured freely from a wound in the younger man’s side. There were traces of blood on the younger man’s lips and his skin was as white as snow. Ianto Jones was close to death.
The Doctor put his hand on Jack’s shoulder, feeling it shaking violently, and he surveyed the injured man. “I’m sorry Jack, I can’t help him. I don’t think there’s anything we can do; he is too badly injured.” He tightened his hand as he felt a huge shudder move through Jack.
Jack started to sob, gasping out a torrent of heartbroken words. “No, not him, please not him, please don’t take him from me, I want him, I want him forever, I don’t want him to ever go, I need him, please.” He kissed Ianto lips, “I love you, I wish... I wish you could be with me forever. Please Ianto, stay with me, please don’t leave me, come back to me, I love you, Ianto, I love you, I love you...”
Jack’s sobbing pleas were breaking the Time Lord’s hearts and his throat clogged with unshed tears. He tried to find words that would comfort his friend, but there were none. Jack was inconsolable as Ianto died in his arms, and as his beloved Welshman breathed his last breath, the immortal threw back his head and screamed at the heavens.
Time had passed; the warriors had finally left the marketplace, and the survivors were beginning to pick up the pieces of their tattered lives. The Doctor was attempting to get Jack to let go of Ianto, but he stubbornly refused to even acknowledge the Time Lord’s presence. He just sat in the blood-soaked mud, gently cradling the lifeless body of his lover and crooning softly in his ear.
Jack rocked Ianto in his arms, carding a hand through his hair, murmuring to him softly, reminiscing on their time together, while scalding tears rolled down his cheeks. He was totally oblivious to the shoppers and vendors who were gathered in groups of twos and threes, helplessly watching the immortal's out-pouring of grief and despair.
There was a gasp, a loud gasp, and Ianto’s body jerked, his limbs flailing about wildly, and then his arms scrambled to find something to hold on to. His fingers grabbed onto Jack’s arms with an iron grip tight enough to leave deep bruises. His eyes flew open and he sucked in great lungs full of air as he looked around.
“Shit, that hurt!” Ianto’s searching eyes finally found those of the man holding him, and he saw the tear-stained face and the red-rimmed, blood-shot blue eyes. “What happened?” He reached up one hand and tenderly caressed Jack’s cheek. “Are you all right, Cariad?”
Before Jack or the Doctor could speak a sudden swirl of shimmering light engulfed the three men. A faint familiar voice could be heard in the distance; it was the Minion, speaking to Jack for the last time. “You have your final wish, sire; goodbye.”
The whirlpool of swirling colours vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and the three men landed on the floor of the Hub, with a bump. Leaping to their feet, they looked at one another; Jack was dressed as he normally was, and Ianto was his usual immaculate self wearing his suit, The Doctor, however, was... well... the Doctor was still the Doctor, after all, and Ianto could only shake his head in dismay at the Time Lord’s questionable dress sense. The man was a hopeless mess; nobody wore Converse trainers with a suit, especially not in fluorescent red with purple laces.
Gwen stared at them with her mouth hanging open, and Owen snarked, “So where have you two been, it’s been twenty minutes! One minute you were here and, the next, nothing. And then all of a sudden, you’re back with a mate in tow.”
“Doctor! So good to see you again.” Tosh held out her hand to the Time Lord, “I met you in your previous regeneration, over the space pig, in London.”
“Ah, yes, good to see you again, Miss Sato, are you well?” The Doctor shook her hand enthusiastically, nearly shaking her whole body.
“Yes, fine, thank you. Your TARDIS is parked up on the invisible lift, so she’s quite safe, I’m glad you were with Jack and Ianto. When they disappeared and your ship arrived, I hoped you would all be together.” She smiled at him.
“Oi! Tea-Boy, why have you got blood on you?” Owen studied Ianto with narrowed eyes; his shirt looked to be well-soaked, and there were traces of blood around his mouth. “My lair, now,” he ordered as he spun on his heel and prepared to stalk off to the med bay.
“It’s okay, Owen, I’m fine.” Ianto turned to the Doctor. “More than fine, if I correctly understand what just happened, right Doctor?”
The Doctor stared at Ianto for a moment, completely clueless and then it was easy to see when the light bulb went on. “Oh, yeah! Okay, sonic screwdriver. Jack, remember sonic screwdrivers and your comments about putting up shelves? Bet you were sorry you said that, my screwdriver is so much better, it can put up cupboards, and mix banana smoothies, can we go and get one la....”
“Doctor, please check Ianto, then we’ll go have a smoothie.” Jack was on tenterhooks, he wanted to know; he needed to, what had happened during their last few minutes on Barthelon.
Holding his hand up in a placating gesture, the Doctor adjusted his sonic tool. “Okay, Mr Jones, stand still, please,” and he ran the screwdriver over Ianto, examined the results, and then he smiled broadly. “Jack, you know how I said you were an impossible thing? Well, there are two of you now.” He looked at the two men and rubbed his hands together. “So, where can we get a banana smoothie around here?” The 900-year-old Time Lord started to pout as he realised that his question had fallen on deaf ears.
The two immortal lovers were lost in their own little world, Jack had pulled Ianto into his arms and Ianto seemed to be comforting the older man. There was a lot of kissing and whispering going on between them. The Doctor looked around at the others. Owen was looking stunned, Gwen was doing an admirable fish impersonation and Tosh was smiling, tearfully, overjoyed that her Captain and her best friend would be together, forever.