(no subject)
uhm. I've officially gone crazy.
I'm planning a couple mock trips to Disney World. At 3AM. who am I? Where is me? and what have I done with me?
I really should lay off the Monster.
Wait.
No.
More Monster is the true answer.
Fuck I need to find a job.
It hasn't even been a week already and I've gone nuts.
FUCK.
Typing this is taking time away from trip planning.
FUCK.
Why do I care so much for her when she feels as that she can just stop talking to me for almost a week and act like it's not going to bother me.
I apparently come off as a jerk when I try to find out what's wrong and try to help.
FUCK.
MORE MONSTER.
I just sneezed. All over meself. Dammit.
I haven't stayed up this late with my own thoughts in forever.
I wish she was here. Even though I learned tonight she's not comfortable sharing a bed with me.
Why? How would she know?
I haven't even touched at the topic of sex.
I mean for fucks sake, I haven't been laid in over 6 years. CLEARLY, that's not my main reason for everything. I just want a normal relationship.
If I want that so badly why do I go after all the girls with the most emotional and mental issues?
I mean GOD DAMMIT just let me get a normal one for once.
I think something good could come out of this. Really good. I don't want to throw all my eggs in one basket again and get fucked.
I'm known to do that.
A lot.
FUCK.
I can't say I haven't thrown more than half in there already though.
OOPS
OOPS
OOPS
OOPS
FUCK.
Group chat shit no one will understand.
I haven't listened to dubstep in forever. My volume is over 50% and my roommates are sleeping. Fuck them tonight.
But not Taylor. He actually helped me today.
If I stopped saying FUCK so much there may be an actual story in this post of how much of a vagina I am.
FUCK.
I even cut down on my swearing to almost none in front of her.
It feels good to not need to swear.
I really need to do mushrooms again.
Get rid of this god damn stress
Okay. Sugar rush gone. For now. Just opened another Monster.
I want to be with this girl so badly. But is it just because I haven't felt that affection in so long? Or is it because I truly, deeply care for her?
Who knows? I hope I do. I wish I could say time will tell but she like to push my time limit boundaries.
I'm fat. I need to go to the gym.
BACK TO THE PLANNING OF DISNEY.
NUTSACK
BUTTSACK
I have tits as my background on my phone.
Don't know why.
FUCK.
I just want her here.
NO.
I want to be anywhere with her.
Why can't that be?
Relationships are difficult. But when they are purposely difficult I often ask why people put themselves through it, just not when I find myself in that situation.
Do they feel the same way I do? Do they see the light at the end of the tunnel too? Or are they just living out boring lives they think they should be leading?
My generation fucking blows dick water.
Yeah. Dick water.
FUCKIT.
I can't help but feel like I'm falling.
It hurts to not talk to her.
I want to relive that kiss. Every day.
But every time I think about it I feel like I lose part of it.
I want to feel that way I did every day.
I'm happy to admit that was the first kiss I've had in over 3 years with a girl that wasn't drunk/high on some random shit.
WIN.
Lately, thoughts of the aftermath of our Halloween party keep popping into my brain.
The whole Heather situation.
If I knew her boyfriend wasn't there in the doorway, should I have kissed her? Probably. But then would she freak? Probably. Best I didn't then. Glad that kid is gone. Wonder if she'll bring the new one around. She's not gonna lose him quick. Fuckin armed forces dude. They don't like to lose what they have unless they want to give it up. So she better be happy.
FUCK.
Here I go again and let her start creeping her way back into my brain.
GET THE FUCK OUT
She texts me every weekend. Every. Single. One.
Just me. None of the other guys that we all hung out with. I'm probably reading too much into it as usual. Way too into it but come on. Every weekend?
I get that she worked weekends and couldn't hang but does it always have to be me? Why not her boy toy? I mean soldier dude? Did she already leave him? I haven't had a good chance to gauge this guy yet seeing as I only met him once and we didn't even talk.
NO. STOP. OUT.
Do I want to give this the old college try with Jess? By that I mean a normal persons college try, not mine. Yes. Yes I do. I want to see where this goes.
I'm hoping places.
I think I scared her a bit when I said there was an ever so small, slight, glimmer that I MIGHT want to move to California with her. Like a 2% milk chance.
But still. She kinda seemed a bit freaked. Every time it came up in the past it was all "You should come out there with me!"
Then when I say there may be a chance I will she starts to try and convince me not to, saying "I may only be there for 3 months and hate it and move back"
BITCH MAKE UP YOUR MIND. It's your dream. Just do it. I know she needs it. I know she'll love it out there. I want her to be happy. I want her to feel safe.
I want her to feel safe with me.
FUCK.
I've been at this for almost half an hour. Kill me.
That's it I'm done.
I'm planning a couple mock trips to Disney World. At 3AM. who am I? Where is me? and what have I done with me?
I really should lay off the Monster.
Wait.
No.
More Monster is the true answer.
Fuck I need to find a job.
It hasn't even been a week already and I've gone nuts.
FUCK.
Typing this is taking time away from trip planning.
FUCK.
Why do I care so much for her when she feels as that she can just stop talking to me for almost a week and act like it's not going to bother me.
I apparently come off as a jerk when I try to find out what's wrong and try to help.
FUCK.
MORE MONSTER.
I just sneezed. All over meself. Dammit.
I haven't stayed up this late with my own thoughts in forever.
I wish she was here. Even though I learned tonight she's not comfortable sharing a bed with me.
Why? How would she know?
I haven't even touched at the topic of sex.
I mean for fucks sake, I haven't been laid in over 6 years. CLEARLY, that's not my main reason for everything. I just want a normal relationship.
If I want that so badly why do I go after all the girls with the most emotional and mental issues?
I mean GOD DAMMIT just let me get a normal one for once.
I think something good could come out of this. Really good. I don't want to throw all my eggs in one basket again and get fucked.
I'm known to do that.
A lot.
FUCK.
I can't say I haven't thrown more than half in there already though.
OOPS
OOPS
OOPS
OOPS
FUCK.
Group chat shit no one will understand.
I haven't listened to dubstep in forever. My volume is over 50% and my roommates are sleeping. Fuck them tonight.
But not Taylor. He actually helped me today.
If I stopped saying FUCK so much there may be an actual story in this post of how much of a vagina I am.
FUCK.
I even cut down on my swearing to almost none in front of her.
It feels good to not need to swear.
I really need to do mushrooms again.
Get rid of this god damn stress
Okay. Sugar rush gone. For now. Just opened another Monster.
I want to be with this girl so badly. But is it just because I haven't felt that affection in so long? Or is it because I truly, deeply care for her?
Who knows? I hope I do. I wish I could say time will tell but she like to push my time limit boundaries.
I'm fat. I need to go to the gym.
BACK TO THE PLANNING OF DISNEY.
NUTSACK
BUTTSACK
I have tits as my background on my phone.
Don't know why.
FUCK.
I just want her here.
NO.
I want to be anywhere with her.
Why can't that be?
Relationships are difficult. But when they are purposely difficult I often ask why people put themselves through it, just not when I find myself in that situation.
Do they feel the same way I do? Do they see the light at the end of the tunnel too? Or are they just living out boring lives they think they should be leading?
My generation fucking blows dick water.
Yeah. Dick water.
FUCKIT.
I can't help but feel like I'm falling.
It hurts to not talk to her.
I want to relive that kiss. Every day.
But every time I think about it I feel like I lose part of it.
I want to feel that way I did every day.
I'm happy to admit that was the first kiss I've had in over 3 years with a girl that wasn't drunk/high on some random shit.
WIN.
Lately, thoughts of the aftermath of our Halloween party keep popping into my brain.
The whole Heather situation.
If I knew her boyfriend wasn't there in the doorway, should I have kissed her? Probably. But then would she freak? Probably. Best I didn't then. Glad that kid is gone. Wonder if she'll bring the new one around. She's not gonna lose him quick. Fuckin armed forces dude. They don't like to lose what they have unless they want to give it up. So she better be happy.
FUCK.
Here I go again and let her start creeping her way back into my brain.
GET THE FUCK OUT
She texts me every weekend. Every. Single. One.
Just me. None of the other guys that we all hung out with. I'm probably reading too much into it as usual. Way too into it but come on. Every weekend?
I get that she worked weekends and couldn't hang but does it always have to be me? Why not her boy toy? I mean soldier dude? Did she already leave him? I haven't had a good chance to gauge this guy yet seeing as I only met him once and we didn't even talk.
NO. STOP. OUT.
Do I want to give this the old college try with Jess? By that I mean a normal persons college try, not mine. Yes. Yes I do. I want to see where this goes.
I'm hoping places.
I think I scared her a bit when I said there was an ever so small, slight, glimmer that I MIGHT want to move to California with her. Like a 2% milk chance.
But still. She kinda seemed a bit freaked. Every time it came up in the past it was all "You should come out there with me!"
Then when I say there may be a chance I will she starts to try and convince me not to, saying "I may only be there for 3 months and hate it and move back"
BITCH MAKE UP YOUR MIND. It's your dream. Just do it. I know she needs it. I know she'll love it out there. I want her to be happy. I want her to feel safe.
I want her to feel safe with me.
FUCK.
I've been at this for almost half an hour. Kill me.
That's it I'm done.