Dear Miss Soundgarden
Preface
To my friends this is not intended for you, its a letter to a new friend, I hope, but you are free to comment, save me, advise, etc.
To the one this is written for, my million to one shot, I do hope we can be friends, and hopefully you will find that this is not intrusive - I would never want to hurt you. Expand the cut below if you want to read my letter to you. I have enabled anonymous comments so you can even leave a message without the need to sign in.
Dear Miss Soundgarden
A few days ago I saw you at the virtual train station where we would meet. Somehow I knew I wanted to talk to you but it took me a few days to get the courage.
Then this weekend it happened. The station waiting area seemed busy but you appeared to be your own so I took the chance to approach you. With all the noise around us, distracting things you were kind enough to agree to find a quiet spot to talk.
That first conversation before we had to go our separate ways was brief, but I knew you weren't the same as the people I could hear around us. Still, I don't really think I learned anything about you beyond how talking with you made me feel.
The next day I returned to the spot we met hoping we might talk again. I waited most of the day, uncertain if you understood my parting remark from the previous day.
Again you agreed to talk in a quiet place, and I began to learn more about you. I was tired and your long day meant it was awkward at times, yet somehow you kept wanting to talk. I should have left earlier, but I stayed a little longer captivated by the feeling.
In a moment though every ounce of me left my body. I can come over as a drama seeker, but truth is I am more aware of the way people behave and fascinated by learning from people. Therefore, what happened next was not your fault, I told you at the time. You were not to know the open wounds that you couldn't see. What happened. I asked you what you wanted to talk about. I think you were being kind and polite, but you said you were waiting for "my friends" who were late. My heart sank and I cried. I felt disposable and cheap. I may have a Y chromosone, but I still have feelings. That's something I have to deal with. So I left hoping I would see you soon.
Later in the day, I knew I wanted to see you again already. Rather than being upset with you, I trusted my instincts and returned to look for you. You were busy this time with your friends. I didn't know what to say but had to say Hi.
The next two hours, well you and I talked in private. My poorly heart was lifted and you made me feel happy. I told you this. I am honest with my feelings, where once I concealed them. I started to get to know you , what you liked, why it matters to me. I didn't want to leave you - that's a really nice feeling but a hard / scary feeling.
Then it happened, I self destructed myself. I don't have the patience maybe or maybe because I can't visit the station much more, I had to find out something as simple as did you want to talk to me again. Most normal people would not bother with such niceties, but I am not normal. Most people want to be better, I always want to be unique.
I am also a loner, I have been tested as such from a personality point of view. We all have our flaws but mine is rejection. I protect myself from it, I self destruct, I behave badly and make sure who over it is has a reason not to want to know me, when all I want is some acceptance / re-assurance. For the things that I am, I hate this about myself - I am far brighter than most but I can't retrain my brain any more than someone who is afraid of heights or spiders.
I don't even want to remember what I said. Not that I was offensive in any way, just unfairly emotional I think. I hope I did not hurt you my ruining what was a good 2 hours when we talked.
So why this letter, the letter that you may never read, a letter the world can read. Well firstly, I don't know how to talk to you again. I want to very much. I will visit the station and talk to others, but if I see you, I will have to take myself out of harms way.
I am also writing this letter from my home here. An Englishman's home is his castle and therefore I am safe hear.
But this is where all of me lives, the all of me that I want you to know. My motives are a lot clearer to the world here. Here is where my truest friendships exist and my closest friend. Where all of my friends play a part. Its where you can read about my love life and see how insanely besotted I am right now for a girl very close to where I live. You see this is not about about some love inspired stalking, its something else - I don't know what, I just know I want to know you and using that word again,explore, another friendship.
My friends will confirm that music plays a huge part of my life and so no message can be delivered without a song. I could choose the obvious one, but I am not obvious.
I can't find the ideal so I have chosen two, I just don't have time to write you a song that perfectly fits - I think I will someday. For now these in a weird mood sort of way combine to say everything I don't want to say to someone who I want to call my friend, but within the under-current tell you how much you could mean to me.
So I have reached the end, I don't know what happens next - that's up to you. But before I go, I will add the amusing story. It seems the picture I have been looking at is cropped, so today I saw the rest on my mobile - it brought a smile to my face but mainly because my motives were sincere after all.
Px
To my friends this is not intended for you, its a letter to a new friend, I hope, but you are free to comment, save me, advise, etc.
To the one this is written for, my million to one shot, I do hope we can be friends, and hopefully you will find that this is not intrusive - I would never want to hurt you. Expand the cut below if you want to read my letter to you. I have enabled anonymous comments so you can even leave a message without the need to sign in.
Dear Miss Soundgarden
A few days ago I saw you at the virtual train station where we would meet. Somehow I knew I wanted to talk to you but it took me a few days to get the courage.
Then this weekend it happened. The station waiting area seemed busy but you appeared to be your own so I took the chance to approach you. With all the noise around us, distracting things you were kind enough to agree to find a quiet spot to talk.
That first conversation before we had to go our separate ways was brief, but I knew you weren't the same as the people I could hear around us. Still, I don't really think I learned anything about you beyond how talking with you made me feel.
The next day I returned to the spot we met hoping we might talk again. I waited most of the day, uncertain if you understood my parting remark from the previous day.
Again you agreed to talk in a quiet place, and I began to learn more about you. I was tired and your long day meant it was awkward at times, yet somehow you kept wanting to talk. I should have left earlier, but I stayed a little longer captivated by the feeling.
In a moment though every ounce of me left my body. I can come over as a drama seeker, but truth is I am more aware of the way people behave and fascinated by learning from people. Therefore, what happened next was not your fault, I told you at the time. You were not to know the open wounds that you couldn't see. What happened. I asked you what you wanted to talk about. I think you were being kind and polite, but you said you were waiting for "my friends" who were late. My heart sank and I cried. I felt disposable and cheap. I may have a Y chromosone, but I still have feelings. That's something I have to deal with. So I left hoping I would see you soon.
Later in the day, I knew I wanted to see you again already. Rather than being upset with you, I trusted my instincts and returned to look for you. You were busy this time with your friends. I didn't know what to say but had to say Hi.
The next two hours, well you and I talked in private. My poorly heart was lifted and you made me feel happy. I told you this. I am honest with my feelings, where once I concealed them. I started to get to know you , what you liked, why it matters to me. I didn't want to leave you - that's a really nice feeling but a hard / scary feeling.
Then it happened, I self destructed myself. I don't have the patience maybe or maybe because I can't visit the station much more, I had to find out something as simple as did you want to talk to me again. Most normal people would not bother with such niceties, but I am not normal. Most people want to be better, I always want to be unique.
I am also a loner, I have been tested as such from a personality point of view. We all have our flaws but mine is rejection. I protect myself from it, I self destruct, I behave badly and make sure who over it is has a reason not to want to know me, when all I want is some acceptance / re-assurance. For the things that I am, I hate this about myself - I am far brighter than most but I can't retrain my brain any more than someone who is afraid of heights or spiders.
I don't even want to remember what I said. Not that I was offensive in any way, just unfairly emotional I think. I hope I did not hurt you my ruining what was a good 2 hours when we talked.
So why this letter, the letter that you may never read, a letter the world can read. Well firstly, I don't know how to talk to you again. I want to very much. I will visit the station and talk to others, but if I see you, I will have to take myself out of harms way.
I am also writing this letter from my home here. An Englishman's home is his castle and therefore I am safe hear.
But this is where all of me lives, the all of me that I want you to know. My motives are a lot clearer to the world here. Here is where my truest friendships exist and my closest friend. Where all of my friends play a part. Its where you can read about my love life and see how insanely besotted I am right now for a girl very close to where I live. You see this is not about about some love inspired stalking, its something else - I don't know what, I just know I want to know you and using that word again,explore, another friendship.
My friends will confirm that music plays a huge part of my life and so no message can be delivered without a song. I could choose the obvious one, but I am not obvious.
I can't find the ideal so I have chosen two, I just don't have time to write you a song that perfectly fits - I think I will someday. For now these in a weird mood sort of way combine to say everything I don't want to say to someone who I want to call my friend, but within the under-current tell you how much you could mean to me.
Click to viewSo I have reached the end, I don't know what happens next - that's up to you. But before I go, I will add the amusing story. It seems the picture I have been looking at is cropped, so today I saw the rest on my mobile - it brought a smile to my face but mainly because my motives were sincere after all.
Px