Hopefully the only time I'll use this as a personal journal
Sean's gone. That's what's going through my head right now. I know he's happy, but it's so hard to watch someone who has been in my life for ten years walk away for such a long amount of time. Lots of people are telling me that it's similar to going to college, just a different route. That's a load of bull shit. Every friend I've got that has gone off to college still talks to me online and even calls me drunk once in a while. Sean doesn't have a phone or an internet connection... nor will he be getting drunk anytime soon, which is a bummer cuz that kid is hilarious drunk. (reference: Grand Ledge, Michigan; first night of Spring Break Tour '04)
Anyone who knows me knows that this band has always been #1 priority to me, I love it, I care for it, I tuck it in at night and kiss it on the forehead. It's been like that in any band I was in, regardless of how shitty that band was. I've never been in a band without Sean. I've never played in front of people without Sean there with me. I've been doing this for five years now. I bought my first bass a week before Sean bought his first drumset. Him and I always clicked. If I had a riff, he had a beat. If he had a verse, I had a chorus. And that's how it went. His style created mine, and mine created his. There's still a NippleFish sticker on my wall.
I could go on for hours upon hours, telling stories of Sean and I, since second grade, I swear he's a part of every memory I've got. The days of the original 5, Sean, Me, Kevin, Dan, and Nick.. toss in a random person here and there, but that was the core group. We raised hell, threw suckers into girl's hair, threw rocks at peoples heads, opened fire hydrents and ran like hell when we thought we saw a cop. We ran like hell a lot... A LOT!
Then we all grew up, possibly grew apart a little bit, but it was still the same when we were all together. We raised hell, took baseball bats to mailboxes, threw rocks at peoples garages(reference: our criminal records), we talked shit to the badasses in the park and drove like hell when they chased us. We drove like hell a lot... A LOT!
I realized last night that Sean is responsible for every relationship I've had. "Don't come home single." "Shut the fuck up, stop being a pussy, just do it." "Dude, she's hot, go for it." Somehow, he was always there to push me over the edge. How the hell am I supposed to make decisions now?
We drove him to his recruiters station on Monday morning.. He rode in the van. We all smoked too many cigarettes and watched Sean throw half eaten beef sticks at moving vehicles. Well, one of the vehicles was stopped and a convertable.. and that guy got hit in the head with a beef stick. He's always had amazing aim (reference: hitting a fly with a spitball at Burger King). He's got a gift. Then he yelled at the abortion protesters, just like we used to yell at that stupid clown that would stand outside of Party City. It was hilarious.
Eventually we actually made it to his recruiter's office, we all stood around and eventually said our good byes. He walked away and that was it... or so you would think. Tom decided to bust out the Trombone and play No More Tears for him before he was gone, it was cute, and a good way to send him off.
After that, I went to Tiffany's, she's a good shoulder to cry on, quite literally. I didn't really know what to say, all I knew was that I made the decision to go to Texas at the end of October to watch Sean graduate from boot camp. I know I'll be proud of him, he's always been the rowdy little brother of the group. I don't consider him a friend, I consider him a brother. Eventually I met up with everyone at Chilli's for a decent meal. Good shit. Then, somehow i agreed to go to a DGS vollyball game.. where Nick and Tom informed me that we could go visit Sean at the hotel he was staying at. My first thought was to not go because I had said my good byes, I didn't know whether I could deal with it again. But I knew if I didn't go, I'd regret it. So, we went. Sean had already made a few friends, and a girl.. very typical of him. He amazes me. We went to Chipotle, and bought him his last real meal, smoked more cigarettes (unfiltered for a treat), and laughed at the business man who stepped in the puddle.. that dumb bastard. It was awesome to see Sean in a good mood, and making friends. Now I know he'll be fine. Eventually we ended up back at his hotel room, and when we wanted to leave.. i don't think he wanted us to go, he kept finding little shit to show us to keep us around. We all got a hug and headed out.
The ride home was kind of surreal. Kind of quiet, but, the three of us decided that everything's going to be fine. We'll all see him in six weeks. Almost everyone is flying down there.. I'm pretty sure Tom and I are going to drive. Everyone else is a bunch of pussies.
What made Tom, Jim, and I the most proud of Sean was when he introduced our new drummer, Brendan at his last show, that showed major class. I know the band is going to be fine. We're rocking harder than ever, and more people than I ever imagined. Brendan knows the songs and he's kickin hard ready to tear shit up. And I know everyone involved in saying good bye to sean.. and Sean.. everyone's going to be okay. I have faith. Soon I'll make it through a whole day without crying.
-Chris Samsa
p.s. hopefully the rest of the band will start to use this thing soon.. I feel like a dork.
Anyone who knows me knows that this band has always been #1 priority to me, I love it, I care for it, I tuck it in at night and kiss it on the forehead. It's been like that in any band I was in, regardless of how shitty that band was. I've never been in a band without Sean. I've never played in front of people without Sean there with me. I've been doing this for five years now. I bought my first bass a week before Sean bought his first drumset. Him and I always clicked. If I had a riff, he had a beat. If he had a verse, I had a chorus. And that's how it went. His style created mine, and mine created his. There's still a NippleFish sticker on my wall.
I could go on for hours upon hours, telling stories of Sean and I, since second grade, I swear he's a part of every memory I've got. The days of the original 5, Sean, Me, Kevin, Dan, and Nick.. toss in a random person here and there, but that was the core group. We raised hell, threw suckers into girl's hair, threw rocks at peoples heads, opened fire hydrents and ran like hell when we thought we saw a cop. We ran like hell a lot... A LOT!
Then we all grew up, possibly grew apart a little bit, but it was still the same when we were all together. We raised hell, took baseball bats to mailboxes, threw rocks at peoples garages(reference: our criminal records), we talked shit to the badasses in the park and drove like hell when they chased us. We drove like hell a lot... A LOT!
I realized last night that Sean is responsible for every relationship I've had. "Don't come home single." "Shut the fuck up, stop being a pussy, just do it." "Dude, she's hot, go for it." Somehow, he was always there to push me over the edge. How the hell am I supposed to make decisions now?
We drove him to his recruiters station on Monday morning.. He rode in the van. We all smoked too many cigarettes and watched Sean throw half eaten beef sticks at moving vehicles. Well, one of the vehicles was stopped and a convertable.. and that guy got hit in the head with a beef stick. He's always had amazing aim (reference: hitting a fly with a spitball at Burger King). He's got a gift. Then he yelled at the abortion protesters, just like we used to yell at that stupid clown that would stand outside of Party City. It was hilarious.
Eventually we actually made it to his recruiter's office, we all stood around and eventually said our good byes. He walked away and that was it... or so you would think. Tom decided to bust out the Trombone and play No More Tears for him before he was gone, it was cute, and a good way to send him off.
After that, I went to Tiffany's, she's a good shoulder to cry on, quite literally. I didn't really know what to say, all I knew was that I made the decision to go to Texas at the end of October to watch Sean graduate from boot camp. I know I'll be proud of him, he's always been the rowdy little brother of the group. I don't consider him a friend, I consider him a brother. Eventually I met up with everyone at Chilli's for a decent meal. Good shit. Then, somehow i agreed to go to a DGS vollyball game.. where Nick and Tom informed me that we could go visit Sean at the hotel he was staying at. My first thought was to not go because I had said my good byes, I didn't know whether I could deal with it again. But I knew if I didn't go, I'd regret it. So, we went. Sean had already made a few friends, and a girl.. very typical of him. He amazes me. We went to Chipotle, and bought him his last real meal, smoked more cigarettes (unfiltered for a treat), and laughed at the business man who stepped in the puddle.. that dumb bastard. It was awesome to see Sean in a good mood, and making friends. Now I know he'll be fine. Eventually we ended up back at his hotel room, and when we wanted to leave.. i don't think he wanted us to go, he kept finding little shit to show us to keep us around. We all got a hug and headed out.
The ride home was kind of surreal. Kind of quiet, but, the three of us decided that everything's going to be fine. We'll all see him in six weeks. Almost everyone is flying down there.. I'm pretty sure Tom and I are going to drive. Everyone else is a bunch of pussies.
What made Tom, Jim, and I the most proud of Sean was when he introduced our new drummer, Brendan at his last show, that showed major class. I know the band is going to be fine. We're rocking harder than ever, and more people than I ever imagined. Brendan knows the songs and he's kickin hard ready to tear shit up. And I know everyone involved in saying good bye to sean.. and Sean.. everyone's going to be okay. I have faith. Soon I'll make it through a whole day without crying.
-Chris Samsa
p.s. hopefully the rest of the band will start to use this thing soon.. I feel like a dork.