Holiday Season Feedback Challenge
Her work can be found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/37964/
http://www.livejournal.com/users/sullensiren/
http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/Sullen_Siren_Fiction/ (in the files section)
sullensiren has a wonderful talent with descriptive imagery, both in prose and in dialogue. She weaves the ideas through the passages and on a larger scale, the stories themselves, in such a way that the reader is enveloped by the words rather than being assulted by them. It's the difference between a cushy feather blanket and a two-by-four and it can make all the difference when dealing with heavy subjects like the war (and its aftermath) in the HP universe.
In To the Victors we're presented with a vivid and unhappy aftermath of the war.
Always, I knew it, recognized it from a single sigh. I could tell from a word what he was feeling. Hundreds of miles away, over a static filled connection while the ceiling fan rattled in its circular path, always just barely keeping from plummeting, still I could tell. He was broken. Cold and lifeless, neither hope nor anger in his voice, just an empty blankness.
The details of the phone static and the wobbly fan are extraneous, yet they provide a wonderful commentary on the life of the survivors. Everything's a little off, all a little worse for wear.
Yet another powerful image comes from Hermione's description of the price they had to pay:
The casualties were high enough, weren't they? Broken, battered dolls piled high against castle walls - cannon fodder shot down in the blossom of our youth.
But as I mentioned above, this talent extends to description in the dialogue as well:
"I'd learned it sixth yer - from a book in the Restricted Section that I don't think anyone else had read in centuries. It had fallen behind a shelf and gotten wedged. The dust on it was so thick I couldn't read the title, but I dropped by quill and bent to get it, and found the book. And I've always just done what needed to be done. I protected him - them. I always had. They broke the rules and snuck out after hours - I broke the laws and lives to help them. I still don't know if they understand that."
In Bad Days, a brilliantly done Molly piece, the emotion builds throughout the short work. There is no spectacular ending, but this kind of story doesn't need one. It is what it is, a quiet, sad and reflective thing, only too aware of what the future holds. I've always held a soft spot for Molly Weasley and this short story does her such justice.
She wants to wish that she had raised children who wouldn't stand and fight - but even now, she wouldn't wish that her children were any different.