(no subject)
Yes, I know it has been a while, and I bet you thought I'd forgotten about you. But actually, I have been so swept away by general mundanity that I have not had the strength to capture it. I have only temporarily stored enough energy for this entry because I have no other recourse. I don't know why these things are always happening to me. Here I am trying to convince this person that I am worthy of him, when the question really should be is he worthy of me? Why am I always in the position of being the benefactor? Do I deserve this? And why do I even care? If he isn't willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, then truly, he really doesn't deserve my benefit of a doubt. So why do I continue to give? Why did I continue to give it to the others before? It's because I really don't think anyone is worthy of it, and so, everyone is. That's an awesome responsibility. And I'm so upset that he even has the audacity to accuse me, as if he played no part in it. As if he is completely without blame. But I don't blame him, because I can concede that a misunderstanding occurred. Of course, it isn't really fair because I know more about the misunderstanding than he does. See, there I go again justifying. I'm always giving people so much rope and the use it to hang me. Just like that story about the wounded snake. A girls walking in the woods during the winter sees a sickly, shivering snake on the path. The snake says to her, "please, please pick me up. I am so cold, please put me in your jacket so that I may get warm." She says to the snake, "I can't pick you up ad put you in my jacket. You will bite me." The snake continues to plead with her and promises, "How can I? If I bite you then you will not be able to keep me warm." So she gives in and picks up the snake. She puts the snake inside her jacket. The snake is all warm and cozy inside the girl's jacket and he can feel himself getting better. The snake thanks the girl, and the girl feels very good about helping the pitiable creature. Then the girl feels a sharp sting in her side. She can feel blood leaving her, and can feel venom entering her. She look down inside her jacket and says to the snake " What are you doing? How can you bite me, after I helped you?" As she falls to the ground, weakened by the venom now running through her veins, the snake looks up at her and say. " Don't blame me. You knew I was a snake, when you let me in."