Comments | plumaria: Its a Monday

plumaria

Its a Monday

Jun 13, 2005 07:04

Sigh. After a 3 day weekend its hard to go back to work. The good news is only 2 more sleeps until vacation begins! Am just beginning this blogging adventure and this very first entry will be short (a) because I'm supposed to be showered, dressed, and in the car by now, and (b) I'm still figuring out the mechanisms, backgrounds,etc of my site...I ( Read more... )

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cardigirl June 15 2005, 20:50:44 UTC

If you can handle another stranger friending you, I'd like to hear what flemmard's cousin might have to say about hospice work and life in general. My mother died in hospice care and d*mn if they weren't the only people who (a) cared and (b) talked to me straight throughout the whole process.

Welcome to LJ!

Hospice plumaria June 15 2005, 21:35:10 UTC

Hi Cardigirl! I'm so sorry about your mom's death. And I'm glad for you that you had a *good hospice experience. I would have to say that speaking the truth is imperative when someone is dying. I'm glad your nurses were honest with you about her condition and what to expect. I have been (quite often actually) in a position where my pt's caregiver will say to me "don't tell 'x' he is dying...he doesn't know how bad it is." Then when I go in to introduce myself to 'x', he'll say "for god's sake don't tell my wife I'm dying! It would devastate her!" Wow. Makes for quite a challanging process...and then sometimes docs ask me to tell their patients that they're dying as in..."em..er..Mr 'x' doesn't exactly know the seriousness of his condition....em...would you mind letting him know?" Thanks doc...lol....hey..welcome to my journal Cardigirl. I love talking about my work, so if you have any particular
questions just let me know. Lis

Re: Hospice cardigirl June 15 2005, 22:18:27 UTC

Thank you. My mom died almost five years ago, and that was immediately followed by the further uprooting of my life-to-that-time, so it was only part of a bigger, messy picture. (Things are much better now ( ... )

Re: Hospice plumaria June 16 2005, 06:43:17 UTC

You know, its so interesting how people in the 'medical' field view death. I'm not surprised by your mom's doctors's attitude. There are a few ideas floating around: one being that doctors often see themselves as failures if they can't cure the patient. Another being that their own (the docs that is) fear of dying and the dying process itself, can really impede the process for patients in a very negative way - for example your poor mom being forced to do PT... I can't bare that she had to do that:( I would disagree with him on his Hospice/longevity theory though...we find that once we admit our patients and get their pain and other symptoms well managed, they usually experience a vast,(though, of course, temporary) improvement. Pain has a way of wrecking every aspect of one's life - once under control, some joy returns. I've had patients feel so good while under our care, that they've taken trips to Vegas etc (oxygen and wheel chair in tow) and had a ball...

Re: Hospice cardigirl June 16 2005, 21:21:21 UTC

I've heard various theories about doctors and their attitudes of death, and their ideas of what they can do for their patients. Another you didn't mention was the arrogant idea (apparently more common among surgeons) that they're somehow incapable of failure. That's the feel I got off her doc ( ... )

Re: Hospice plumaria June 16 2005, 21:56:53 UTC

Cardigirl you make some very valid and thoughtful points. I wish there was a way to copy and paste your replies so I could address each one individually! I'm glad you're not beating yourself up as badly as you were. You were in an untenable position, and one is especially vulnerable if not in the medical field oneself....I think the oncologists have the most difficult time letting their patients go...but really..you can't blame them I suppose. Their 'job' is to do all they can to support living rather than dying..One conversation that comes up time and time again is 'what can we do to get docs to refer earlier?' When we do last minute admits, there simply is not enough time to get everything done. You know from your own experience how much teaching and symptom management is done as patients approach death. I once had a guy die 45 minutes into the admission process...another young woman was actually dead when I arrived at the house to do the admit. Some of our docs here are very aware that they have a hard time 'letting go' and ( ... )

Re: Hospice cardigirl June 17 2005, 20:54:06 UTC

I think the oncologists have the most difficult time letting their patients go

My mom's terminal illness was COPD with its associated problems. She was 74 (shy a month) and had long outlived her generation; I think she was ready to die.

When we do last minute admits, there simply is not enough time to get everything done

I hear you on that. My mom died about 34 hours after she got into the hospice house. But how sad for someone to die while you're in the middle of trying to admit them!

other end of the spectrum are the patients who simply refuse Hospice Given that people used to fear going to hospitals because "that's where you go to die" I am quite sure hospice carries all that baggage and then some. After all, hospice is *expected* to be the last stop on the way out ( ... )

Re: Hospice plumaria June 18 2005, 05:32:40 UTC

Thank you for the link! COPD and 74...gosh your mom was so young Cardigirl! Although my mom was 76, she seemed so much older and was very aged and frail.She looked way older than her years. COPD is such an exhausting illness, isn't it..I have no doubt she felt 'ready'..lis

Re: Hospice cardigirl June 19 2005, 19:30:08 UTC

My mom was one of those people who, half the time, did things I'd only call a professional to take care of, and the other half the time would call like a baby chick for assistance with assinine things a two year old could take care of. I'd have to say I really don't know how frail she was, but she seemed to me to be quite hale until the last six months (although she'd been on and off oxygen for several years). She got shingles, a particularly bad case evidently, then took a fall when the pain med made her woozy. She got better, then worse, then better, as she was shuttled between the Phoenix hospital, then assisted living to hospital to assisted living in Tucson, assisted living back in Phoenix, then into the hospital again and finally into hospice. I couldn't find a situation where she wasn't unhappy, which accounts for all the moving about -- which itself was a horrific strain on her, and I think accounts for why she died when she did. Midway through the moves, while she was in assisted living in Tucson, she'd gotten into quite good ( ... )

Re: Hospice plumaria June 19 2005, 19:58:45 UTC

Re: Hospice ( ... )

Re: Hospice cardigirl June 19 2005, 21:17:19 UTC

Chronic hypoxia, irritable and irrational... definitely describes her, particularly toward the end.

I grew up in Tucson and prefer it to Phoenix, where I live now. It's just that I have such a good circle of friends and a decent job that I haven't been induced to leave. I'm working on my masters degree and will probably apply in Tucson once that's in hand (although anywhere in Arizona will do.) I've kinda got sand in my shoes, as they say. I love to travel and visit other places, but this is definitely home.

Sedona is wonderful scenery, to be sure; as a long-time Arizonan, though, it's kinda a shame how gentrified and over-the-top new-agey it has become. Back when I was in college (1970s), it was just a cool place to go hiking around; now it feels like you need to have a visa (or Mastercard lol!) to be allowed in past the borders.

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