I feel lost again
Every time something big happens in my life, my depression strikes again. Sad, no? But yeah, lately...I've been feeling so down. I was on such a high earlier last week for obvious reasons, but as the days went on I felt myself sinking and now I'm just...I don't...I'm lost.
I thought that what I wanted in life was to be a TESOL/TEFL teacher, but I'm starting to wonder whether or not this really will just be a passing thing and I'll find something else to do with my life. I....I want to stay in Japan for a long time. I'm so happy here. The only thing I can do to support myself while I'm here is being a teacher, and it's not that I hate the job. More like....I don't feel like this is it for me. I'm planning on entering another company in a different city when my contract at this place ends. I don't like the teaching style and how business-oriented the whole place is.
I kind of want to try being an ALT, just to see what it's like working at a school, but I also want to try and teach at a university. Well, more like, I really just want to teach older students who care about learning English and aren't being forced to go to classes by their parents. I feel more fulfilled when my students are fulfilled. That sort of thing.
But back to the other, other matter at hand, I really feel like I won't always be happy with the kind of job I have now. And, I mean, I can't possibly be. This is an entry-level job and if I want to move ahead in life I have to move outside of this work and into another one.
Another company? Or maybe, another profession altogether?
Recently, my sister has changed her mind as to what she wants to do as far as a career goes. I feel like I'll forever be changing my mind about what I want to do.
I never thought of having a dream job. I don't know if I have any major dreams. There are just small things I want to do and I work to achieve what tiny goals I've set for myself. I live day-to-day. I can't imagine what life will really be like past tomorrow.
For now though....I will just continue with my job. I don't want to quit because I need this experience, even though it'll only be for a year. But won't other jobs most likely hire me for having done this before? Or something....
In other news, I want to take the JLPT next summer. I didn't think I was ever going to do it, but I was thinking...maybe...if I can become proficient enough with Japanese (I want to reach N1 someday), I can get a much better job here that'll not only pay more but give me more joy in life.
I desperately need something to be happy about.