Dreams of Correction
No, I don't mean the department of corrections : ).
Over the past couple of months I realized that the current job I am in is not the job I need to be in. Conflicts with the management, training and performance review skills of my supervisors and their inability to realize that seven years of experience cannot be distilled and transmitted and inacted with one year or even 15 months to someone who has had no formal dissection training or employment previously. Combine that with my penchent for getting hired into jobs were there is no printed standard to adhere to so I'm not sure when a problem is a problem or if it is just my ignorance of a position leading me to think so (or me overthinking a simple situation, i.e. my last job in Army). I tend to hold back even if I feel something is wrong because I think that maybe I am missing something or that I'm just not good enough for it, that I just can't learn the skills for the job.
Hm. I took a class yesterday on emotional intelligence and there was an idea which could be applicable even though it was on integrity. It was that if your values, emotions, and behavior are incongruent then you are not behaving with integrity. That can be twisted though if you don't add some sort of compent that trains the person in a culture-friendly or human value/emotion/behavior combination. A serial killer could have integrity if he follows his value system and not one demanded by society.
Anyway, back to the original bitch about my feelings about my current job. If I had followed my feelings, unclouded by either my error in thinking I was missing something vital (other than the training which should have been REQUIRED for the position)or my absolute views on people I'm not friends with (you make an error or hurt me in any way then I view you as waste of air and chemicals), then I would have realized that the position was untenible. I behaved at work exactly as I should, my emotions were all over the board (but couldn't distinguish between my hangups at wanting to be perfect and anger at the unhealthy work environment), and my value system included honest apprasials and interpretations and desire for level playing field (not supported by a boss who twists my words into negatives and reports only negative results to the overboss). If my three elements were in synch with theirs then the job would have been fine. My three elements were not in synch so I should have realized earlier that it was wrong. Still, I needed the language to explain what was wrong and they have no desire to hear that speech so their situation will remain unless they learn to listen.
Boils down to the situation will not change so I will change my situation. I submitted my resume, took the test (rank frickin' 1!), slayed the interview, had a blast at the ride-along (1 deadite but loads of cool pics), and sent off my background check paperwork last night. Other than fingerprinting and lie detecting and whatevers I'm done with the part that I do, my acknowledgement and enacted plan to change my situation.
Back to the title, last night I dreamt about riding one bus around a military base and deciding to get off the bus and catch one going a different direction. I asked about the bus stop on the other side of the road then, when the new bus didn't immediately come, started hoofing it in the new direction. Ended up in a tube station for some sort of subway with hard to read signs trying to find the sign with a familiar area name and ended up getting in the personal space of a young woman, I had stupidly put my hand on the small of her back to move her slightly so I could get through, and ended up apologizing to her when I realized what I had done. She complimented me for admitting that I was wrong and that it took a big person to ask for advice/forgiveness... it was kinda vague. I woke up happy and looking forward to the future.
Aside, I've been taking classes at work to avoid my boss in accordance with her written suggestion that I take classes to improve my work performance (there ain't none for the hands on part where I need improvement) so I've taken 7 habit of highly effective people, working with problems (id and facilitating problem solving), and emotional intelligence. Learning a new framework is cool, new terminology. It is a bit like religion but without god, same slavish devotees but gives folks a common framework to communicate and be able to cooperate with others easier (that old chestnut about humans having the advantage of learning of cooperation as their adaptation rather than soley limited evolution of appendages).
Now I just need to put the next month or so in some sort of framework that allows me to be happy regardless of what mistakes I make or my supervisors attitudes. I'll try and remember that I am going to be doing something in line with my dreams and my knowledge/skill/experience base as soon as the background check is done.
Hugs to all and keep dreaming.
Over the past couple of months I realized that the current job I am in is not the job I need to be in. Conflicts with the management, training and performance review skills of my supervisors and their inability to realize that seven years of experience cannot be distilled and transmitted and inacted with one year or even 15 months to someone who has had no formal dissection training or employment previously. Combine that with my penchent for getting hired into jobs were there is no printed standard to adhere to so I'm not sure when a problem is a problem or if it is just my ignorance of a position leading me to think so (or me overthinking a simple situation, i.e. my last job in Army). I tend to hold back even if I feel something is wrong because I think that maybe I am missing something or that I'm just not good enough for it, that I just can't learn the skills for the job.
Hm. I took a class yesterday on emotional intelligence and there was an idea which could be applicable even though it was on integrity. It was that if your values, emotions, and behavior are incongruent then you are not behaving with integrity. That can be twisted though if you don't add some sort of compent that trains the person in a culture-friendly or human value/emotion/behavior combination. A serial killer could have integrity if he follows his value system and not one demanded by society.
Anyway, back to the original bitch about my feelings about my current job. If I had followed my feelings, unclouded by either my error in thinking I was missing something vital (other than the training which should have been REQUIRED for the position)or my absolute views on people I'm not friends with (you make an error or hurt me in any way then I view you as waste of air and chemicals), then I would have realized that the position was untenible. I behaved at work exactly as I should, my emotions were all over the board (but couldn't distinguish between my hangups at wanting to be perfect and anger at the unhealthy work environment), and my value system included honest apprasials and interpretations and desire for level playing field (not supported by a boss who twists my words into negatives and reports only negative results to the overboss). If my three elements were in synch with theirs then the job would have been fine. My three elements were not in synch so I should have realized earlier that it was wrong. Still, I needed the language to explain what was wrong and they have no desire to hear that speech so their situation will remain unless they learn to listen.
Boils down to the situation will not change so I will change my situation. I submitted my resume, took the test (rank frickin' 1!), slayed the interview, had a blast at the ride-along (1 deadite but loads of cool pics), and sent off my background check paperwork last night. Other than fingerprinting and lie detecting and whatevers I'm done with the part that I do, my acknowledgement and enacted plan to change my situation.
Back to the title, last night I dreamt about riding one bus around a military base and deciding to get off the bus and catch one going a different direction. I asked about the bus stop on the other side of the road then, when the new bus didn't immediately come, started hoofing it in the new direction. Ended up in a tube station for some sort of subway with hard to read signs trying to find the sign with a familiar area name and ended up getting in the personal space of a young woman, I had stupidly put my hand on the small of her back to move her slightly so I could get through, and ended up apologizing to her when I realized what I had done. She complimented me for admitting that I was wrong and that it took a big person to ask for advice/forgiveness... it was kinda vague. I woke up happy and looking forward to the future.
Aside, I've been taking classes at work to avoid my boss in accordance with her written suggestion that I take classes to improve my work performance (there ain't none for the hands on part where I need improvement) so I've taken 7 habit of highly effective people, working with problems (id and facilitating problem solving), and emotional intelligence. Learning a new framework is cool, new terminology. It is a bit like religion but without god, same slavish devotees but gives folks a common framework to communicate and be able to cooperate with others easier (that old chestnut about humans having the advantage of learning of cooperation as their adaptation rather than soley limited evolution of appendages).
Now I just need to put the next month or so in some sort of framework that allows me to be happy regardless of what mistakes I make or my supervisors attitudes. I'll try and remember that I am going to be doing something in line with my dreams and my knowledge/skill/experience base as soon as the background check is done.
Hugs to all and keep dreaming.