My how things have changed...
Whelp...
I'm married.
I lost 70 lbs and am the smallest I've ever been in my life.
I've never been so insecure in my life.
I'm moving to Virginia in 90 days, because my husband is active duty Navy and we're being stationed there.
I'm in the middle of an ugly custody battle.
My son's father has decided now that we're moving he wants to try to be a good Dad... But, he's an alcoholic who gets wasted whenever Aidan is with him and he makes fun of Aidan and humiliates him on purpose to try to "toughen him up into a man." Aidan, about to turn 13, recognizes his Dad is an alcoholic and emotionally abusive, but says things like, "I don't care if he makes me sad, or mad, or emotionally hurt. He's still my father, and I need to spend time with him."
It's extremely painful to not be able to get through to your son that, that behavior is NOT NORMAL. He doesn't HAVE TO deal with it. Aidan doesn't understand.
I put Aidan and myself into counseling because of everything going on. In the case of the custody battle, Aidan said, "I want to see my Dad when I'm on breaks from school and one month in the summer, but NOT MORE THAN A MONTH, I wouldn't be able to handle more than a month. I know I was there two weeks this summer and I couldn't take it, but I think as long as I'm still talking to this guy, the counselor, I can handle a month at his house, but not more than that, Mom. I wouldn't be able to."
It breaks my heart that he recognizes he needs counseling to deal with his Dad, but it makes me happy that the counseling is working for him and he sees it as a way to deal with the hurt and emotional abuse.
I don't know how the custody battle is going to play out. Basically, the judge said they're going to allow me to move to Virginia, and they're going to grant Aidan's Dad parenting time. We are waiting on an investigation from the court to determine what kind of parenting time they are going to grant him. I'm giving it to God. He will take care of us. I am going to demand the court puts in there that when Aidan is in Michigan, his Dad HAS TO take him to his counselor once per week at a minimum.
I asked Aidan's counselor when we met, "Do you have experience with children with alcoholic parents?" He responded, "Yes, I have experience with that on both sides." I thought meant he had an alcoholic parent and now he helps kids with alcoholic parents, but he continued, "I had an alcoholic parent, and I was the alcoholic parent, I have a daughter, I used to drink."
I didn't sit in on their session. I wanted Aidan to realize this was his personal human diary. Everything is going to stay between them unless there is someone getting physically hurt. Whatever the counselor said to him seemed to have Aidan refreshed. Aidan was very against going to counseling, and now he wants to go every week. We got VERY lucky to find someone Aidan can talk to and connect with right away.
I'm going to counseling to deal with the issues with Bill (Aidan's father), as well as getting over my ex fiancé and my past. I've never forgiven myself for hurting him, and for hurting myself for years after that for what I did. I allowed shitty human beings in my life and had zero respect for myself after hurting Eddy. I didn't care who broke me... mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually... because I felt like I deserved the pain after what I did to Eddy.
My husband, even though I hated him for it, called me out on the bullshit life I was letting myself live. He continues to call me out on it and let me know I should be ashamed of myself for how I lived. It hurts. I've tried telling him I don't need to be shamed anymore... I got it... Now I'm married and my past is in my past where it needs to be... but, it's not that easy I guess. Hopefully he stops bringing it up when we go to Virginia... when there aren't reminders of my past near us, or me...
I'm very scared to move. I've never moved away from family. I've never moved out of Michigan. I've never hit the giant "restart" button. I think if I felt my heart and mind were safer with my husband than I feel like they are, then this wouldn't be as terrifying of a move for me. I'm keeping my faith that God will take care of me though. I know he has a plan for me in all of this. There is a lesson I'm supposed to be learning here. I just hope it saves me, instead of destroying me.
I'm married.
I lost 70 lbs and am the smallest I've ever been in my life.
I've never been so insecure in my life.
I'm moving to Virginia in 90 days, because my husband is active duty Navy and we're being stationed there.
I'm in the middle of an ugly custody battle.
My son's father has decided now that we're moving he wants to try to be a good Dad... But, he's an alcoholic who gets wasted whenever Aidan is with him and he makes fun of Aidan and humiliates him on purpose to try to "toughen him up into a man." Aidan, about to turn 13, recognizes his Dad is an alcoholic and emotionally abusive, but says things like, "I don't care if he makes me sad, or mad, or emotionally hurt. He's still my father, and I need to spend time with him."
It's extremely painful to not be able to get through to your son that, that behavior is NOT NORMAL. He doesn't HAVE TO deal with it. Aidan doesn't understand.
I put Aidan and myself into counseling because of everything going on. In the case of the custody battle, Aidan said, "I want to see my Dad when I'm on breaks from school and one month in the summer, but NOT MORE THAN A MONTH, I wouldn't be able to handle more than a month. I know I was there two weeks this summer and I couldn't take it, but I think as long as I'm still talking to this guy, the counselor, I can handle a month at his house, but not more than that, Mom. I wouldn't be able to."
It breaks my heart that he recognizes he needs counseling to deal with his Dad, but it makes me happy that the counseling is working for him and he sees it as a way to deal with the hurt and emotional abuse.
I don't know how the custody battle is going to play out. Basically, the judge said they're going to allow me to move to Virginia, and they're going to grant Aidan's Dad parenting time. We are waiting on an investigation from the court to determine what kind of parenting time they are going to grant him. I'm giving it to God. He will take care of us. I am going to demand the court puts in there that when Aidan is in Michigan, his Dad HAS TO take him to his counselor once per week at a minimum.
I asked Aidan's counselor when we met, "Do you have experience with children with alcoholic parents?" He responded, "Yes, I have experience with that on both sides." I thought meant he had an alcoholic parent and now he helps kids with alcoholic parents, but he continued, "I had an alcoholic parent, and I was the alcoholic parent, I have a daughter, I used to drink."
I didn't sit in on their session. I wanted Aidan to realize this was his personal human diary. Everything is going to stay between them unless there is someone getting physically hurt. Whatever the counselor said to him seemed to have Aidan refreshed. Aidan was very against going to counseling, and now he wants to go every week. We got VERY lucky to find someone Aidan can talk to and connect with right away.
I'm going to counseling to deal with the issues with Bill (Aidan's father), as well as getting over my ex fiancé and my past. I've never forgiven myself for hurting him, and for hurting myself for years after that for what I did. I allowed shitty human beings in my life and had zero respect for myself after hurting Eddy. I didn't care who broke me... mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually... because I felt like I deserved the pain after what I did to Eddy.
My husband, even though I hated him for it, called me out on the bullshit life I was letting myself live. He continues to call me out on it and let me know I should be ashamed of myself for how I lived. It hurts. I've tried telling him I don't need to be shamed anymore... I got it... Now I'm married and my past is in my past where it needs to be... but, it's not that easy I guess. Hopefully he stops bringing it up when we go to Virginia... when there aren't reminders of my past near us, or me...
I'm very scared to move. I've never moved away from family. I've never moved out of Michigan. I've never hit the giant "restart" button. I think if I felt my heart and mind were safer with my husband than I feel like they are, then this wouldn't be as terrifying of a move for me. I'm keeping my faith that God will take care of me though. I know he has a plan for me in all of this. There is a lesson I'm supposed to be learning here. I just hope it saves me, instead of destroying me.