4 years later and i'm still stuck on you.
Yes I'm talking about you Amber. Also known as purple hair girl. I still think about her, I still miss her. Every time I think about her my heart just hurts. It feels so heavy when i think about her. Not telling her I loved her when I had the chance is the only thing i regret in my life so far. I've been stuck on her for 4 years. I can't even like anyone anymore. every time i try a relationship i feel fake. cause well i am being fake. i'm trying to force feelings that aren't there. I didn't know it but i gave her my heart. I just keep thinking about her, every day it seems.
And for those of you who don't know who i'm talking about, here's some backstory. i loved her the first time i saw her. she was the most beautiful girl i had ever seen. I saw her first my freshman year during breakfast in the cafeteria at UL. I couldn't help but stare i completely froze when i saw her. She was wearing a brown shirt that said 'muggle' and dark eyeliner. those eyes, those eyes were amazing. But i was too nervous to ever sit and talk with her. so the semester came and went and i hoped to see her next semester during breakfast again. but she never showed, and that's the first time i lost her. Then almost a year later me and some friends were at barnes and nobels and who do i see in the isles but her. she was working there but instead of long black hair with streaks of dark purple it was bleach blonde and short. I paced the isles feeling my legs tremble beneath me i was afraid i was going to pass out. Finally i went up to her and told her about how she probably didn't remember me from the cafeteria, but i did. That's when i found out her name was amber, and i asked her on a date. She gave me her number and we had dinner a day or so later. We stayed good friends for a long while, she didn't want to be in anything serious she said cause she had just gotten out of a serious relationship. so i said ok and didn't try to make a move on her. Eventually one night we were leaving a restaurant and she turned and looked at me and said, "Why don't you like me anymore?" Me being astonished told her I had never stopped and that i was giving her space like she had asked. But i loved her so much, and i told her. she asked if i ment it and i was scared, i had never been in love before. so i hesitated and said something stupid, it wasn't no but i guess it might as well of been. Then i guess we started hanging out less and less. I should never of let her go. And now fast forward to present. I messaged her in late november and since she doesn't check myspace much she wrote me back mid december with a house number. I was so scared to call her. I tried to put it out of my head but i couldn't. till last night at work i couldn't take it anymore. someone brought up the name pookie and i remembered that she had a tattoo of pookie from Garfield on her arm. well that was it i've thought about her all day again and i finally called and what do i get? busy tone. like it's off the hook or the number doesn't work anymore. I hope she's talking with people and that i didn't loose here again. And even if she's over me and wants nothing to do with me, i just want to hear it from her. I can always guess but if she says it, well i guess that's the closure i need. i can't live my life with her still in my heart. it makes it impossible to even consider a real relationship. I wonder if she might feel the same way....
And for those of you who don't know who i'm talking about, here's some backstory. i loved her the first time i saw her. she was the most beautiful girl i had ever seen. I saw her first my freshman year during breakfast in the cafeteria at UL. I couldn't help but stare i completely froze when i saw her. She was wearing a brown shirt that said 'muggle' and dark eyeliner. those eyes, those eyes were amazing. But i was too nervous to ever sit and talk with her. so the semester came and went and i hoped to see her next semester during breakfast again. but she never showed, and that's the first time i lost her. Then almost a year later me and some friends were at barnes and nobels and who do i see in the isles but her. she was working there but instead of long black hair with streaks of dark purple it was bleach blonde and short. I paced the isles feeling my legs tremble beneath me i was afraid i was going to pass out. Finally i went up to her and told her about how she probably didn't remember me from the cafeteria, but i did. That's when i found out her name was amber, and i asked her on a date. She gave me her number and we had dinner a day or so later. We stayed good friends for a long while, she didn't want to be in anything serious she said cause she had just gotten out of a serious relationship. so i said ok and didn't try to make a move on her. Eventually one night we were leaving a restaurant and she turned and looked at me and said, "Why don't you like me anymore?" Me being astonished told her I had never stopped and that i was giving her space like she had asked. But i loved her so much, and i told her. she asked if i ment it and i was scared, i had never been in love before. so i hesitated and said something stupid, it wasn't no but i guess it might as well of been. Then i guess we started hanging out less and less. I should never of let her go. And now fast forward to present. I messaged her in late november and since she doesn't check myspace much she wrote me back mid december with a house number. I was so scared to call her. I tried to put it out of my head but i couldn't. till last night at work i couldn't take it anymore. someone brought up the name pookie and i remembered that she had a tattoo of pookie from Garfield on her arm. well that was it i've thought about her all day again and i finally called and what do i get? busy tone. like it's off the hook or the number doesn't work anymore. I hope she's talking with people and that i didn't loose here again. And even if she's over me and wants nothing to do with me, i just want to hear it from her. I can always guess but if she says it, well i guess that's the closure i need. i can't live my life with her still in my heart. it makes it impossible to even consider a real relationship. I wonder if she might feel the same way....