some things never change...
So i had a job at CC's, that is until i didn't go to work today and didn't call in. I'm pretty sure i'm fired. This isn't like me. What the hell. I don't know what i'm doing at all. I failed out of ULL this semester too. Everything is my fault. I'm smarter than this. I'm better than this. What the fuck. I bet i was supposed to die in that crash my senior year. everything since then has just been a downhill shitstorm and it was all my fault. I could blame some on depression but really? what kind of shit is that, that i can't even control my own emotions? That i let it have such a hold on me that it debilitates me? I'm hurt, upset, down, and just gah I'm the reason for all my problems. I am the main cause. Honestly the only reason i'm still alive is that I don't want to hurt my parents and friends. I know it would crush my parents. I don't know how Andrew would do, but he would try to hide it. I'm just not cut out for anything, not anything that i can find. So i can't kill myself and i can't live without making my life miserable. i'm ashamed of who i am right now. i mean nothing to myself, i hate myself. i'm worthless. and i'm right. i hate myself