// twentieth post; broken filter, accidental public

[plsgtfo]

[filtered; BROKEN + LAST MINUTE ENCRYPTION;
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action!

[floralities]

[ La la la~ getting ready to go out, which is a very intense process that requires a lot of steps, so she is as of yet completely unaware of any sensei ghosts lurking around. Humming quietly to herself, and satisfied that she looks as freaking hot as possible, she trudges down the hallway to Shikamaru's room, not even bothering to knock. ]

Shikamaru?

action!

[plsgtfo]

[He hasn't even gotten ready; still in his usual gear with the black capris and his black turtleneck sweater, sitting in front of his shougi table, like... so, in the icon.

He's not even looking at the board, he moves the pieces to play for two, as if being directed by someone else one move, and then responding out of pure memory. Trying to not look around the room, because lol he'll see ghosts, then.]

action!

[floralities]

[ Here she comes, cracking the door open and peeking in, a frown creasing her brow--not answering her, what the hell, jerk--one that turns less annoyed and more questioningly concerned as she notices him brooding in front of the shougi board. He's a worrier and a dweller and a planner, but not a brooder.

She swings the door open the rest of the way, standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip. ]

Shikamaru?

action!

[plsgtfo]

[Still playing the game, and about a couple of seconds later-]

You were always a shoddy shougi player.

[Upon hearing her coming into his room, he... ... ... makes no reaction, really. Just asks plainly:] Do you see him?

action!

[floralities]

[ That frown deepens--you're going to give her terrible wrinkles some day, Shikamaru--something catching in her throat when he talks to someone that isn't there. She knows it isn't her. She knows it's a ghost. So she doesn't answer, because it's not her place to answer, waiting until Shikamaru finally addresses her before speaking. There's no need for her to look around, really, because Asuma's presence can't be overlooked anywhere, and besides, she doesn't smell any smoke.

It hurts her, a little, to disappoint him like this, to be disappointed by this. ]

No.

action!

[plsgtfo]

So I am going crazy.

[There's a sense of detachment to the way he's handling all this, silently carrying on with his finished shougi game. He's probably showing Asuma the best possible escape route in his mind, and just letting the game drag on because he doesn't want to see the area around him. He promised her a dinner, and it seems like he can't pull through; just like the unreliable guy he is. As usual.]

Sorry. I don't think I'll be going out tonight.

action!

[floralities]

[ Ino almost snorts in amusement, except ladies don't snort, for one thing, and for another, the situation really isn't that funny. Shikamaru being his typical self, apologizing for all the wrong things, probably feeling guilty, of all things. She settles with a nearly indistinguishable upturn of her lips, shrugging the shoulder connected to the hand on her hip, not bothering to tell him it's okay or don't worry about it, because it was a stupid apology anyway. ]

Maybe.

[ It's short-lived, the soft expression, before she goes back to staring at him searchingly, unflinchingly, still not quite moving. ]

action!

[plsgtfo]

[And he just slams the shougi board away from him, much like he did back when Asuma really did die. Pieces scatter around everywhere, and the board goes flying to the other side of the room. It's making him mad, listen to ghost!Asuma, but somehow Shikamaru's taking in all his words with a pursed lip, just looking straight at the space in front of him.]

Leave.

action!

[floralities]

[ Just like that, she's inexplicably, irrationally angry, both at Shikamaru, for being so terribly, terribly selfish, and at herself, for being just as terribly selfish. Asuma's death broke all of their hearts, and maybe she isn't the one seeing a ghost, but that doesn't make it any less there. She'd promised to take care of them, she promised, and Shikamaru is throwing a goddamn tantrum and Chouji isn't here to save them.

She grimaces at the shougi pieces at her feet, fists balling at her sides. ]

Don't be stupid, Shikamaru.

action!

[plsgtfo]

You can't see him, can you. You can't hear him. His voice doesn't echo in your fucking head with the shit that I should already know. The shit that you and Chouji already know.

[Asuma is a touchy subject for them, even after all this time. They hurt, they long, they regret, even if their want for revenge had been satisfied months ago. Revenge doesn't bring the dead back to life, doesn't fill up that empty space in their lives, doesn't do anything but leave a hole in your gut. He just stares at the ground, his hand clenched painfully into a fist as he just takes a deep breath.]

... time. I just need time.

action!

[floralities]

[ It wasn't a question, so Ino doesn't answer. No, she can't see him. No, she probably doesn't really understand, because memories are different than realities, and Asuma and Shikamaru had a different relationship than Asuma and Chouji, Asuma and herself. Even through her anger--not really anger, frustration--she sympathizes with him, who was closer to their sensei who could be telling him any number of things she can't hear right now. But that's not really what's important.

She sighs, quiet but heavy, finally stepping within the threshold of his room, slowly, careful to step around the littered shougi pieces. Time to admit a couple things, she supposes. It's better than the alternative. ]

I need to help. I promised-- [ pause, swallow, step around ] Just don't take too much time.

action!

[plsgtfo]

[He takes a deep breath. Though not completely settled, he's on his way there. Slowly. Maybe he'll need someone to pick up the pieces once again, but for now he's settled down enough to just. Try and let things go. Except that won't happen anytime soon, because that's just how he is. He lets things fester and rot in his mind until they boil over, and it's never pleasant when they do.

He draws a sharp breath out, letting his arm drop to his side as he stares at the fallen shougi board across the room, avoiding Ino's careful gaze.

If he were to tell the truth, it would be the fact that he doesn't want to bring her down. Not here. Not now. Not ever. Not with his problems.]

I know.

action!

[floralities]

[ She's reluctant to leave him now, despite what she said, because that feels like a finality she's not sure she's ready for. But Shikamaru needs time, and Ino needs her team--it had never been more apparent to her as in the aftermath of Asuma's death--and ultimately, one leads to the other. Or maybe they lead to each other.

Shikamaru thinks he'd be weighing her down, but Ino would be glad for the weight. It keeps them all together, it keeps her promise, it keeps the scales from tipping. Shikamaru takes too much on himself, and what she wouldn't give--what she knows Chouji wouldn't give--to share a bit of it for their friend, for Asuma, for Team 10.

After what feels like a small eternity of scrutiny, she nods subtly and picks her way back through the shougi pieces with a murmur of alright or okay or something assenting and the secure belief that he won't let her down. ]

action!

[plsgtfo]

[Remember that once, you were Team 10. Isn't it odd, how those words ring in your ear? Once Ino leaves his room, Shikamaru buries his head in the comfort of his arm and knee, thinking of the things that could have been. Things could have been better. Things would have been better. Had he just taken himself seriously. Taken his job seriously. Taken his training seriously. Taken life more seriously.

Guilt is something that he knows isn't good to dwell on, but he can't help but to think that this is his fault, because when Asuma died, it was because Shikamaru didn't plan far enough. Because he wasn't a good enough support. Because he was weak.]

... thanks.