[GW] Never Forget -- We All Fall Down (1/4)
Title: Never Forget -- We All Fall Down (1/4)
Author: Sailor Seraphim
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 4+2+4, 4x2, 2+1+2, 4+1+4 (?), 1x4 ... uh, no not all at the same time.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its related characters. I do, however, own the situations which occur in this fic.
Warnings: Shounen ai/yaoi... and a whole lot of it, lemon... and a whole lot of it, angst... and a whole lot of it, obsession... and a whole lot of it, dark... just a dash (depending how you look at things), seduction. And a lot of symbolism.
Notes: Well, since FanFiction.net has decided to toss all NC-17 fics, I decided to get off my ass and finally break free of blissful lurkerdom. This is the fic that destroyed my soul for a whole summer until I got it finished. Please be kind to the newbie?
Summary: "This is a story about Love. Keep telling yourself that and you just might believe it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter One... "We All Fall Down"
-----------------------------------
You never forgot your first.
It was so true, Quatre mused as he held Duo's slumbering form in his arms. His pale fingers played idly with those unkempt chestnut strands that framed that innocent heart-shaped face with violet eyes. Quatre *loved* Duo's eyes. He could even remember in perfect detail the way those eyes looked in the height of passion. They were so deep... pulsing with life and love and need and *sex.* And Quatre, whenever he had seen them like that, could not stop himself from reaching his peak with a crashing scream. You never forgot your first, and Quatre knew that there were times in the past (even in the present) when looking into those violet depths would make him come so hard he would pass out from the sheer pleasure of it.
This was why Quatre was confused.
Why did Heero Yuy reject Duo Maxwell? No, not even "why," but HOW could Heero have escaped Duo's sultry amethyst gaze? How could he ignore the sweetness of Duo's kisses or the wild strength that ran through his slim frame? For Quatre, to ignore Duo Maxwell was impossible.
Because you never forgot your first.
Said braided boy stirred in his arms, making a soft, strangled sound that meant that he was having a bad dream. Quatre murmured soothingly, patting and smoothing chestnut strands. Duo soon quieted and slept peacefully again.
How could you reject Duo like this? When he was calm and complacent -- a warm armful that snuggled up to you as if you were the only thing in the world? How could you ignore Duo when, in his dreams, you were the God that could chase his nightmares away?
Impossible.
Quatre recalled earlier in that evening when Duo had come stumbling into his room, shattered and ashamed. Under his calm coaxing and soothing words of encouragement, Duo had haltingly told his tale. Of running into Heero in the yard. Of how the sunlight had hit Heero's hair *just so* and made it seem like a corona, a halo of light that had circled his proud features. Of how, overwhelmed with his emotions, Duo had reached out to that shining, beautiful figure... hoping he would understand and feel the same way. Of how Duo had pressed a chaste kiss against the Japanese boy's lips, hoping for some token of affection or attraction in return. Of Heero, shoving him away an unreadable look on his face. Of Heero stalking angrily away without a word, while Duo collapsed in on himself. All this Duo told Quatre, who -- despite the sadness and bitterness of the situation -- felt a thrill go through him when he realized that Duo had run to *him* for comfort.
So, how could you reject Duo when he was like this? When he was a shaken, sobbing wreck in your arms? When you knew that one word one way or another would send him into deep depression, unrelenting anger, or the heights of hope? How could you say "no" to Duo, when he trusted you so completely that he would give over his deepest fears, hopes and desires to you and wait for you to pass judgment?
It was inconceivable.
Quatre closed his eyes and leaned back against the headboard, face tilted up to the heavens as if in prayer. Maybe it was a sort of prayer. A smile lifted his lips.
With Duo in his arms, running his hands softly across limbs and features he knew so well, Quatre allowed himself to relive old memories. Duo had been his first; to be more accurate, they were each other's firsts. Was it so long ago that they had been naive fifteen-year-old boys fighting a war against the world? That one month that they had together... that blissful, glorious, wondrous month that they had spent exclusively in each others' company. Quatre still considered that short month to be the best month of his life *ever.* It was in that one month that Quatre and Duo had met, become friends, and finally progressed to lovers. One month where they had loved each other unabashedly, unashamed, and wholly captured by each other.
They had *belonged* to each other.
Because you never forgot your first.
And it was because you never forgot your first that Duo could never love Quatre the way Quatre loved Duo. Oh, it had come as a bitter shock to the Arabian boy. One month, one whole month of loving and then the name "Heero Yuy" had intruded on their peace and Quatre lost Duo forever. Because Heero was Duo's first love and you never forgot your first.
The Arabian had always been in awe of the American, always grateful that Duo had chosen him to be his first. What they shared could never be broken though Duo had moved on in love. Quatre could never hate Duo... that was like sacrilege. How could you hate someone that had showered you with so much love and affection at a time when you felt most alone in the world? It was certainly not Duo's fault that he could not forget his first love. It was like how Quatre could never completely erase Duo from his thoughts, waking or dreaming. So, Quatre deeply understood the pain and torture Duo was going through because he himself lived with it every day.
Quatre would be a liar if he said there were not times when he wished Duo would open his beautiful violet eyes and realize that Quatre was waiting in the wings for him. It was a guilty thought; it was a wish that was totally and wholeheartedly self-centered. Still, that tiny little hope lingered in his heart. Dreams and fantasies that Duo would throw himself into his arms and be there to stay. He would never force himself on Duo, of course. The old adage, "If you love it, let it go and if it comes back it's yours forever," was still in effect. If he clung to Duo -- forced him to stay -- the braided boy would gradually lose all life, pining away for open skies like a bird in a cage. And Quatre would never kill Duo slowly in that way. It was better like this, being Duo's best friend and seeing him happy and carefree. And this way Quatre could nurse his silent hopes, even if they had little chance to grow to fruition.
He allowed himself the guilty pleasure of pressing a gentle kiss against Duo's brow. "I'll make sure you're happy, Duo," he breathed, lips barely brushing against skin. And like an addict, Quatre could not stop himself from pressing another soft kiss against Duo's cheek... and yet another feather-light kiss against those semi-parted lips. "I'll do everything I can to make you happy."
And happiness for Duo meant Heero Yuy.
Allowing his mind to wander and roam and worry over the facts as he held Duo in his arms, Quatre analyzed the situation at hand. Duo was in love with Heero and had taken a hesitant step to show his true feelings to the stoic ex-pilot. Heero, however, had rebuffed the American's advances. Wait. No. That was wrong. Going over Duo's stumbled words again, Quatre could almost see the moment take place behind his shuttered marine eyes.
Duo kissing Heero.
Heero pushing away.
Heero leaving.
But there was no negation. Besides the fact that he had broken away from the kiss first, Heero had not rebuffed the other boy. Given Heero's personality, if he truly was *not* interested or at least curious about a relationship with Duo, his response would have been more clear. Like an active denial... or a sock to the gut. Quatre frowned, remembering how many times Duo had complained to him about Heero never pulling his punches and his own weakness in allowing a punch to the solar plexus to knock him out.
Yes... if Heero did hate or dislike Duo, he would have made his stance pointedly clear.
Heero Yuy was blunt like that.
In ruling out active dislike, Quatre weighed the remaining options.
Why had Heero, for all intents and purposes, run away from Duo? Surely he would have rather found out if Duo was up to one of his numerous pranks or teasing. Or he could have ignored Duo -- as was the norm -- and just brushed away the innocent kiss as a fluttering inconsistency on the braided boy's part. For the Japanese boy to run from a "threat" meant that there was some huge misunderstanding or conflict of interests in his mind. Even after the fiasco with the death of Marshall Noventa, Heero had not hidden himself from the world, but offered himself up as a sacrificial lamb to the deceased man's family.
Quatre could only come to two conclusions.
1) Heero Yuy was insane.
OR
2) Heero Yuy did not know how to respond to the passionate person that was Duo Maxwell.
Insanity was dismissed right off the bat. While it could be said that *all* of the ex-Gundam pilots were unhinged to some degree, Quatre found it impossible to believe that Heero Yuy was truly insane. He had far too much stubborn will to allow his mind to fly to pieces. So, Heero must have been confused about Duo's actions.
Mentally switching gears, the blonde ran through everything he knew about Heero Yuy. Emotionally cold, distant, stoic... but underneath that, Quatre knew burned a young man full of ideals and feelings. There was a sort of frantic devotion in Heero... something in him longed to be a part of something, to fight for something. First, it had been the "mission" that Heero had devoted his life to. Now with the wars over and still alive, Heero was at odds with himself, trying to find his place in the world. Doctor J, surely, had not planned on having Heero enter the real world after the war -- and really, what could a boy trained to kill all his life do in a peaceful world? Still, Heero had a way of subverting and repressing his emotions. Even now, three years after the war (two since Mariemaia), Heero still did not seem to understand nor comprehend Relena Peacecraft Darlian's unwavering fixation on him. Quatre resisted the urge to chuckle as a stray thought entered his flow of thoughts. What if Doctor J's training had not been as thorough as everyone assumed? For all intents and purposes, it seemed as if the social aspects of Heero's education had been ignored in favor of other training. While Heero was not stupid and surely had learned the biological basics, Quatre came to the realization that Heero did not know anything about sex.
It made sense.
The way he glared or ignored any of the sexual innuendos that had come his way (usually from Duo). How he could rebuff Relena and not understand *why* Relena had nearly stalked him within the first month of meeting him. Why he had not responded to Duo's advances; neither accepting nor rejecting the blatant invitation the violet- eyed boy had given him. All the pieces had fallen into place. Heero had been confused by Duo's advances, not understanding how he should respond, or the wealth of feelings and emotion that had surely invaded his perceptions.
What a shame, Quatre thought. And people thought that *he* was the innocent.
Naturally, there was only one thing Quatre could do to remedy this situation.
He would seduce Heero Yuy.
Only then could Quatre make absolutely sure that Duo was happy. The braided boy deserved the best... but since Duo loved Heero, Quatre would make sure that Duo would not be disappointed with Heero as his lover. This would be his thanks... this would be his present... his work of art... Heero would be everything that Quatre lacked that Duo wanted. Quatre would do this for Duo because the blonde boy loved Duo...
What a shame it would be for Duo to wake up one day and realize that his first love was not the man he had idolized.
Quatre couldn't let that happen... because you never forgot your first.
-- Tsuzuku --
Author: Sailor Seraphim
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 4+2+4, 4x2, 2+1+2, 4+1+4 (?), 1x4 ... uh, no not all at the same time.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its related characters. I do, however, own the situations which occur in this fic.
Warnings: Shounen ai/yaoi... and a whole lot of it, lemon... and a whole lot of it, angst... and a whole lot of it, obsession... and a whole lot of it, dark... just a dash (depending how you look at things), seduction. And a lot of symbolism.
Notes: Well, since FanFiction.net has decided to toss all NC-17 fics, I decided to get off my ass and finally break free of blissful lurkerdom. This is the fic that destroyed my soul for a whole summer until I got it finished. Please be kind to the newbie?
Summary: "This is a story about Love. Keep telling yourself that and you just might believe it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter One... "We All Fall Down"
-----------------------------------
You never forgot your first.
It was so true, Quatre mused as he held Duo's slumbering form in his arms. His pale fingers played idly with those unkempt chestnut strands that framed that innocent heart-shaped face with violet eyes. Quatre *loved* Duo's eyes. He could even remember in perfect detail the way those eyes looked in the height of passion. They were so deep... pulsing with life and love and need and *sex.* And Quatre, whenever he had seen them like that, could not stop himself from reaching his peak with a crashing scream. You never forgot your first, and Quatre knew that there were times in the past (even in the present) when looking into those violet depths would make him come so hard he would pass out from the sheer pleasure of it.
This was why Quatre was confused.
Why did Heero Yuy reject Duo Maxwell? No, not even "why," but HOW could Heero have escaped Duo's sultry amethyst gaze? How could he ignore the sweetness of Duo's kisses or the wild strength that ran through his slim frame? For Quatre, to ignore Duo Maxwell was impossible.
Because you never forgot your first.
Said braided boy stirred in his arms, making a soft, strangled sound that meant that he was having a bad dream. Quatre murmured soothingly, patting and smoothing chestnut strands. Duo soon quieted and slept peacefully again.
How could you reject Duo like this? When he was calm and complacent -- a warm armful that snuggled up to you as if you were the only thing in the world? How could you ignore Duo when, in his dreams, you were the God that could chase his nightmares away?
Impossible.
Quatre recalled earlier in that evening when Duo had come stumbling into his room, shattered and ashamed. Under his calm coaxing and soothing words of encouragement, Duo had haltingly told his tale. Of running into Heero in the yard. Of how the sunlight had hit Heero's hair *just so* and made it seem like a corona, a halo of light that had circled his proud features. Of how, overwhelmed with his emotions, Duo had reached out to that shining, beautiful figure... hoping he would understand and feel the same way. Of how Duo had pressed a chaste kiss against the Japanese boy's lips, hoping for some token of affection or attraction in return. Of Heero, shoving him away an unreadable look on his face. Of Heero stalking angrily away without a word, while Duo collapsed in on himself. All this Duo told Quatre, who -- despite the sadness and bitterness of the situation -- felt a thrill go through him when he realized that Duo had run to *him* for comfort.
So, how could you reject Duo when he was like this? When he was a shaken, sobbing wreck in your arms? When you knew that one word one way or another would send him into deep depression, unrelenting anger, or the heights of hope? How could you say "no" to Duo, when he trusted you so completely that he would give over his deepest fears, hopes and desires to you and wait for you to pass judgment?
It was inconceivable.
Quatre closed his eyes and leaned back against the headboard, face tilted up to the heavens as if in prayer. Maybe it was a sort of prayer. A smile lifted his lips.
With Duo in his arms, running his hands softly across limbs and features he knew so well, Quatre allowed himself to relive old memories. Duo had been his first; to be more accurate, they were each other's firsts. Was it so long ago that they had been naive fifteen-year-old boys fighting a war against the world? That one month that they had together... that blissful, glorious, wondrous month that they had spent exclusively in each others' company. Quatre still considered that short month to be the best month of his life *ever.* It was in that one month that Quatre and Duo had met, become friends, and finally progressed to lovers. One month where they had loved each other unabashedly, unashamed, and wholly captured by each other.
They had *belonged* to each other.
Because you never forgot your first.
And it was because you never forgot your first that Duo could never love Quatre the way Quatre loved Duo. Oh, it had come as a bitter shock to the Arabian boy. One month, one whole month of loving and then the name "Heero Yuy" had intruded on their peace and Quatre lost Duo forever. Because Heero was Duo's first love and you never forgot your first.
The Arabian had always been in awe of the American, always grateful that Duo had chosen him to be his first. What they shared could never be broken though Duo had moved on in love. Quatre could never hate Duo... that was like sacrilege. How could you hate someone that had showered you with so much love and affection at a time when you felt most alone in the world? It was certainly not Duo's fault that he could not forget his first love. It was like how Quatre could never completely erase Duo from his thoughts, waking or dreaming. So, Quatre deeply understood the pain and torture Duo was going through because he himself lived with it every day.
Quatre would be a liar if he said there were not times when he wished Duo would open his beautiful violet eyes and realize that Quatre was waiting in the wings for him. It was a guilty thought; it was a wish that was totally and wholeheartedly self-centered. Still, that tiny little hope lingered in his heart. Dreams and fantasies that Duo would throw himself into his arms and be there to stay. He would never force himself on Duo, of course. The old adage, "If you love it, let it go and if it comes back it's yours forever," was still in effect. If he clung to Duo -- forced him to stay -- the braided boy would gradually lose all life, pining away for open skies like a bird in a cage. And Quatre would never kill Duo slowly in that way. It was better like this, being Duo's best friend and seeing him happy and carefree. And this way Quatre could nurse his silent hopes, even if they had little chance to grow to fruition.
He allowed himself the guilty pleasure of pressing a gentle kiss against Duo's brow. "I'll make sure you're happy, Duo," he breathed, lips barely brushing against skin. And like an addict, Quatre could not stop himself from pressing another soft kiss against Duo's cheek... and yet another feather-light kiss against those semi-parted lips. "I'll do everything I can to make you happy."
And happiness for Duo meant Heero Yuy.
Allowing his mind to wander and roam and worry over the facts as he held Duo in his arms, Quatre analyzed the situation at hand. Duo was in love with Heero and had taken a hesitant step to show his true feelings to the stoic ex-pilot. Heero, however, had rebuffed the American's advances. Wait. No. That was wrong. Going over Duo's stumbled words again, Quatre could almost see the moment take place behind his shuttered marine eyes.
Duo kissing Heero.
Heero pushing away.
Heero leaving.
But there was no negation. Besides the fact that he had broken away from the kiss first, Heero had not rebuffed the other boy. Given Heero's personality, if he truly was *not* interested or at least curious about a relationship with Duo, his response would have been more clear. Like an active denial... or a sock to the gut. Quatre frowned, remembering how many times Duo had complained to him about Heero never pulling his punches and his own weakness in allowing a punch to the solar plexus to knock him out.
Yes... if Heero did hate or dislike Duo, he would have made his stance pointedly clear.
Heero Yuy was blunt like that.
In ruling out active dislike, Quatre weighed the remaining options.
Why had Heero, for all intents and purposes, run away from Duo? Surely he would have rather found out if Duo was up to one of his numerous pranks or teasing. Or he could have ignored Duo -- as was the norm -- and just brushed away the innocent kiss as a fluttering inconsistency on the braided boy's part. For the Japanese boy to run from a "threat" meant that there was some huge misunderstanding or conflict of interests in his mind. Even after the fiasco with the death of Marshall Noventa, Heero had not hidden himself from the world, but offered himself up as a sacrificial lamb to the deceased man's family.
Quatre could only come to two conclusions.
1) Heero Yuy was insane.
OR
2) Heero Yuy did not know how to respond to the passionate person that was Duo Maxwell.
Insanity was dismissed right off the bat. While it could be said that *all* of the ex-Gundam pilots were unhinged to some degree, Quatre found it impossible to believe that Heero Yuy was truly insane. He had far too much stubborn will to allow his mind to fly to pieces. So, Heero must have been confused about Duo's actions.
Mentally switching gears, the blonde ran through everything he knew about Heero Yuy. Emotionally cold, distant, stoic... but underneath that, Quatre knew burned a young man full of ideals and feelings. There was a sort of frantic devotion in Heero... something in him longed to be a part of something, to fight for something. First, it had been the "mission" that Heero had devoted his life to. Now with the wars over and still alive, Heero was at odds with himself, trying to find his place in the world. Doctor J, surely, had not planned on having Heero enter the real world after the war -- and really, what could a boy trained to kill all his life do in a peaceful world? Still, Heero had a way of subverting and repressing his emotions. Even now, three years after the war (two since Mariemaia), Heero still did not seem to understand nor comprehend Relena Peacecraft Darlian's unwavering fixation on him. Quatre resisted the urge to chuckle as a stray thought entered his flow of thoughts. What if Doctor J's training had not been as thorough as everyone assumed? For all intents and purposes, it seemed as if the social aspects of Heero's education had been ignored in favor of other training. While Heero was not stupid and surely had learned the biological basics, Quatre came to the realization that Heero did not know anything about sex.
It made sense.
The way he glared or ignored any of the sexual innuendos that had come his way (usually from Duo). How he could rebuff Relena and not understand *why* Relena had nearly stalked him within the first month of meeting him. Why he had not responded to Duo's advances; neither accepting nor rejecting the blatant invitation the violet- eyed boy had given him. All the pieces had fallen into place. Heero had been confused by Duo's advances, not understanding how he should respond, or the wealth of feelings and emotion that had surely invaded his perceptions.
What a shame, Quatre thought. And people thought that *he* was the innocent.
Naturally, there was only one thing Quatre could do to remedy this situation.
He would seduce Heero Yuy.
Only then could Quatre make absolutely sure that Duo was happy. The braided boy deserved the best... but since Duo loved Heero, Quatre would make sure that Duo would not be disappointed with Heero as his lover. This would be his thanks... this would be his present... his work of art... Heero would be everything that Quatre lacked that Duo wanted. Quatre would do this for Duo because the blonde boy loved Duo...
What a shame it would be for Duo to wake up one day and realize that his first love was not the man he had idolized.
Quatre couldn't let that happen... because you never forgot your first.
-- Tsuzuku --