[Neil]

[plntfood]

On the beach, sitting on a towel near the water, watching Sam as she plays in the shallow water, Mathias wishes his cast was off already. He has only a few days left, hopefully, but he wants to be in that water with her now, he wants to be diving and swimming and surfing, but he still can't do any of those things. It isn't that he's in a bad mood,

Comments

[little_moons]

It hadn't occurred to me that I oughta shy away from him. I see him standing in the water, and I don't think about slipping away, unseen. That sorta shit's never been me, anyway, and as much as I get that we probably made a mistake, it's not something I'm actively ashamed of.

Even if I wanted to slip past unnoticed, the pack of dogs and four-year-olds I've got with me kind of make it impossible. Gordon and Max run off with King, while Dexter sticks close with Mack and Flo, who are carrying between them a bucket of saltwater and sand, little mole crabs burrowing inside.

Slipping up beside him, I bend down to pick Sam up, saying to Mathias, "Dude, get outta the water." Sam's little arms go around my neck and I tell her, "Let's not give him a hard time. Okay, kiddo?"

[plntfood]

"King pushed me down," Sam answers, frowning at Neil, even though she's holding onto him and Mathias is grateful for that much. He hops back out of the water, still holding his cast above the waves and drops back onto the towel he has spread out.

"Thank you," he says to Neil once he's seated again, thinking once more how glad he'll be when the cast is off and he won't have to think about it anymore. There are other things that he's thinking about now, worrying that he's not only made a mistake, but ruined a friendship. Neil, however, doesn't seem to be awkward and clearly isn't avoiding him, which lifts his mood a little.

"What do they have?" Sam asks, leaning forward in Neil's arms when he sees the twins with the bucket. "What's that?"

[little_moons]

"We're catchin' crabs!" Mack says, trying to lift the bucket higher and letting out a huff of frustration when water sloshes over the side. "We found a starfish, too," says Flo, "Wanna help?"

Walking Sam out of the water, I set her down on her feet near the twins so they can run off and play. "Stay close," I say to them, sinking down onto the corner of Mathias' towel and scratching behind Dexter's ears before he runs off to keep an eye on the girls.

Looking down at his cast, I bite down on a grin when I see the little pink heart with my name in it, scrawled neatly on dingy plaster.

[plntfood]

"All she's going to want to do is catch crabs now," Mathias comments as the other dogs follow the girls, too, all their tails wagging. It's still strange to look at his life; four dogs and a little girl, all things he was sure he would never have.

Looking down at his cast as well, he catches sight of Neil's name on it and huffs out a soft laugh. "Do you remember doing that?" he asks, although he's teasing. Neither of them were too drunk to remember and that's a little disconcerting.

[little_moons]

"You need to put a goddamn leash on her," I snort, watching with a faint grin the three of them crouched over something in the sand.

"Oh, I gotta crystal fuckin' clear memory of that night, man."

[plntfood]

Mathias lets out another quiet laugh, looking down at his cast still, unsure of what to say to that. He didn't expect Neil to forget, but he also hasn't been sure what needs to be said, if anything at all.

"Me, too," he settles on saying finally. Another person might say they wish it hadn't happened, but that isn't true and so he won't say it. At the time, it was something he'd needed, something, he thinks, they both did.

[little_moons]

"Yeah, I figured. You weren't that drunk," I point out with a smirk, but it's not like I think he took advantage or anything. I'd have done the same goddamn thing, stone-cold sober.

"I'm probably not gonna be able hear you speak German with a straight face, ever again. Just sayin'."

[plntfood]

That gets a more genuine laugh from him, although he's still surprised to hear Neil say it and were he the type to blush, he expects he'd be turning rather red at that. "I'll try to refrain," he promises.

"At least we're not being that weird about it," he adds. "I thought we might be."

[little_moons]

"Hey, you don't gotta stop. I'm just warnin' you, man," I laugh, legs stretched out in front of me and one eye always on the little girls playing in the sand.

"Whatever. It was great sex and I'm cute as hell. You're excused."

[plntfood]

There are a thousand other things Mathias can think to say to that, all the reasons it was a bad idea, but he knows Henrich would tell him to stop worrying so damn much. If Neil is going to let it go at that, then he can't think of a single reason to make it more difficult on either of them.

"Thank you," he says and leaves it at that. He could be thanking Neil for any number of things and, he supposes, he's thanking for them all. "No need to keep the cast on longer, thankfully. It will be off in a few days."

[little_moons]

"I figured you'd be okay. I mean, I've never done anyone serious injury before," I smirk, and there are a lot of other things I could say, like I'd be up for another go, once that thing comes off, if he were into it, but I'm pretty fuckin' sure he's not.

One of the downsides of fuckin' a straight boy while you've got tits.

"Hey," I call down the beach, sitting forward a little when I notice Mack walking a little too far into the water for my comfort, "Too far! What did I tell you 'bout that?"

She groans -- Aw, come on! -- and stamps her foot, but I motion again, giving her a look that means business, and she stomps her way back into the shallower tide. Honestly, I can't believe she listens to me, half the time. It's always a little bit of a surprise.

[plntfood]

It's easier then, to relax on the towel, knowing he hasn't destroyed one of the few friendships he has on the island. It's easy enough to know people, he's always been fine talking to strangers and listening to their stories, but he isn't the type to share much of anything with anyone. There are so few people here he's close to that he doesn't want to lose that.

Sam's been following Mack out into the water, but she follows her back, too, shooting glances at Mathias the whole way, watching to see if she's going to be scolded, too.

"I never thought I would have any kids at all," he says. She isn't his, not in that way, but at the same time she's become his.

[little_moons]

"Yeah?" I ask, relaxing back on my elbows, grimacing when Max wanders over and curls up against my side, his fur wet and sandy.

I realize, I don't know that much about Mathias' life, before the island, and I know just 'cause a guy's straight, that doesn't mean he's automatically planning for kids, but I'm still kind of surprised to hear him say it.

"How come?"

[plntfood]

At heart, Mathias is a tourist, never content to stay anywhere for very long. Had he not died on that hill, he expects he would have spent much of his time traveling for the rest of his life, and died somewhere else, somewhere far from Germany. "Selfishness, I suppose," he says after a moment. "I could never stay in one place for long."

And he can't imagine leaving a child behind or dragging one all over the world, forcing them to never settle, never have a home or friends.

[little_moons]

"My best friend and I used to talk about travelin', but we never really went anywhere. I mean, she packed up and moved to New York after school or whatever, and I followed her, but I was here just a couple months later," I admit with a cough of laughter. I wanted to bad to get outta Hutchinson, but I never had the same itch to keep moving that Wendy had. I think, most days, all she wanted was for the two of us to get in a car, start drivin' and never stop.

That's probably why she hated it here, so much. No where to move to.

"Shit, man, this place must drive you fuckin' crazy."

[plntfood]

"Why do you think I went over to the other island?" Mathias asks with a faint smile. The only way he knew how to deal with Veronica being gone was to move. Go somewhere. Even if it wasn't all that far.

"It's hard to not be moving," he admits. "Very hard."