[June 2]

[plntfood]

Sam wakes him up, which is strange, crawling into the bed he and Veronica share, her stuffed squirrel tucked carefully under one arm. When he opens his eyes, he registers the early morning sunlight slanting through the windows first, then the fact that the empty place beside him in bed is cold and, finally, that Sam is looking at him with something

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[with_diamonds]

Somehow, she knew.

Lucy wouldn't claim that prescience or any kind of island magic could give her such foresight, but looking at Mathias and Sam as they caught sight of each other, she knew, a cold sense of inevitability settling in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't that she was psychic; it was just that three and a half years of living in this place had trained her to be used to it, to recognize the signs, to not be too hopeful for an alternative. She had to ask, had to be sure, but there wasn't really a doubt in her mind that Veronica was gone. In a way, it made sense. The calm was going to have to break eventually. She just, however naïvely, had never really expected this.

"Hey, you two," she said lightly, as evenly as she could. To her credit, she managed to keep her expression mostly schooled (an impressive feat for her), but her eyes were wide, serious, inquiring without her wanting to ask outright. There was no need to make it worse.

[plntfood]

In Mathias's arms, Sam looks up at the sound of Lucy's voice and she waves, but it's half-hearted, not as enthusiastic as it usually would have been. Mathias meets Lucy's gaze and he can see the question there. It's a question he doesn't really know how to answer and he falters for a moment, almost lifting his shoulders in a shrug.

"Hi," he answers finally, looking back down at the boardwalk for a moment. It's much easier than looking at Lucy.

"We've been looking for Veronica all morning," he says, knowing it might be enough to answer her question.

[with_diamonds]

Teeth pressed to her lower lip, solemn, Lucy nodded. It proved her suspicion at least partly right, anyway, and that was all she needed, not the sort to hold on fruitlessly to whatever chance was left that Veronica wasn't gone. Of all people, she was a strange one to consider gone - constant, in a way that most people hadn't been, her oldest friend here, and steadiest - but it was probably inevitable. These things happened.

It didn't make it any less fucking difficult.

"No sign of her?" she guessed, quiet, resolute, and didn't wait for an answer before she continued. "Does anyone else know yet?"

[plntfood]

"No," Mathias answers, then has to swallow hard, steeling himself against the task of having to tell others. "I was looking for you, River and her father." There are others that need to know, he's sure of that. Veronica has been a constant on the island for so long that he's sure she knows almost everyone. But he can't stomach the idea of telling more people than he absolutely has to. There is a limit on what he can take.

"I think Sam knew first," he says, hitching her a little higher on his hip. "She woke me up this morning. She always wakes Veronica first."

As much as he wants to keep looking and keep hoping, he's weary already. He can't let himself continue to hope, not when he knows the disappointment following will be completely crushing.

[with_diamonds]

Lucy couldn't imagine it, not really. For all the losses she'd dealt with on the island, this had to be even more difficult. First Sam's mother had gone, then both parents at once, and now Veronica, too. It only made sense that Sam would know; she wasn't even four years old yet and she was probably as well-versed in disappearances as anyone else on the island. The thought alone made Lucy's stomach twist a little, though she offered Sam a smile for it, reaching out to lightly tap her nose with an index finger.

"She would," she said, tone almost bittersweet when she looked at Mathias again. She had to steel herself, though, to stay focused and steady, and that meant throwing herself into whatever tasks she could, keeping as busy as possible. "If you want me to help you find people, I'd be glad to. Or, or anything, really, anything at all, if you need someone to help look after Sam or whatever -"

[plntfood]

Mathias shakes his head, not declining Lucy's help, because he's incredibly grateful for the offer, but because he doesn't know where to start. There are things that need to be done, people to be told, her belongings to go through and he doesn't think he can stomach any of that yet. He just wants to leave it all where it is, as if she'll come back at any moment.

There's something unhealthy about that, he knows, but he doesn't care.

"I have no idea how I'm going to look after Sam all alone," he settles on saying, because it's the issue that's most pressing, as far as he's concerned. He can do it, if necessary, but it's daunting. Much more daunting than caring for her had been when Veronica had still been here.

[with_diamonds]

It made sense, of course. Lucy was fairly certain that, had she somehow wound up in the same position, she would have felt exactly the same way. Taking care of a child, especially one Sam's age, was no easy task, to be sure; she'd only been five when her younger sister was born, nine when Julia was the age Sam was now, and she remembered it well. It was that, perhaps, that got her thinking, coupled with the fact that she'd decided long ago that there was nothing she wouldn't do for Samantha, a conclusion that only made sense, the way this did now.

"You know," she started, light, because the last thing she wanted now was to overstep and inadvertently make things more difficult, "I don't know what would be best for you guys, but if you need someone else around... I'll do anything, seriously. Come stay, move closer -- whatever."

[plntfood]

For most of the conversation, he's been looking down at the boardwalk, but at Lucy's offer, Mathias looks up, surprised in a way and yet completely unsurprised at the same time. The people on this island are some of the best he's ever known, but it still catches him off guard now and then.

"I..." He's prepared to say that he can't ask her to do something like that. That he doesn't want her to have to leave her home just to help him, but the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes it might be a good idea. Especially for Sam. It might help to have someone else close, someone she knows, someone to help him out when things get hard, as he's almost certain they will, at least from time to time.

"There's an extra room in our place," he says finally. "If... I mean, I wouldn't want you to leave your home, but if you wanted... it's there." It's awkward, more awkward than he thinks he's ever been, but it's also genuine.

[with_diamonds]

Regardless of how easy it was to offer her assistance, the offer that followed in turn left Lucy wide-eyed for a couple of seconds, not able to so quickly process it. When she'd all but been suggesting as much, it should have made sense - and it did, really - but maybe it was because she already knew her answer that made it seem so sudden, out of nowhere. That was the way it went, though, when there were disappearances involved. Lives were uprooted, people left to reconfigure any plans. She was as used to it as she supposed anyone could be, and even if she weren't, there wasn't anything she could say but yes, found it almost too easy to want to. Though the circumstances were about as far from ideal as was possible, given the way everything had played out, she wanted to. It was all she could do, to throw herself wholly into something in the face of what could probably be considered tragedy, same as she'd always done. There were people who needed her, or who could need her; there wasn't any time for self-pity, or to think about the loss

[plntfood]

The time will come, he knows, when he'll feel something other than this dull ache in his chest and when he does, he'll be grateful for Lucy's help. As it is now, he's aware that what she's offering, what she's doing for them is a huge gesture and he's very thankful for it, but even that feeling is masked under the part of him that's calling for Veronica to come back. Come home.

He laughs, a little hollowly, but it's still a genuine laugh.

"Not even a day after she's gone and we already have a new roommate," he says, scrubbing his free hand over his face and looking at Sam. "What do you think? Would you like Lucy to come help us out and be there to spend time with you?"

Sam nods, still holding onto her squirrel. "Yes," she says, the paws of the squirrel flicking back and forth, and Mathias is glad she agrees. He knows he'll need the help.

[with_diamonds]

"Yeah?" Lucy asked, smiling just a little, the question clearly one directed at Sam. By the time she lifted her head again, she'd sobered considerably, nodding as if to give further confirmation of a decision she already wouldn't have questioned for a second. It was all that seemed right, especially now that Sam had given her approval. If it had to play out like this - and she was done dealing in what ifs, in trying to hold onto the past - then, with Veronica gone, there was nowhere else she would rather be, like a tether she'd been without.

Swallowing, she bit her lip. "I can start moving my things over whenever," she offered, figuring she should let any timeline be on his terms. "I've moved so many times since I've been here anyway, that won't be any trouble."

[plntfood]

There's a part of him that feels like a failure already, like Veronica would have expected more from him, but he knows that isn't true. All she ever would have expected would be for him to do his best and he knows his best won't be enough for Sam. He's only one person and he's a person who had never even considered having children before Veronica had adopted Sam. Admitting he needs help isn't a failure, but it feels a little bit like one.

"We can help," he says, then swallows hard. "I... am very glad for your help. I'm glad to have something to do."

If there was nothing else, no one else to think about, he knows how this would end. It would be so easy just to sink into himself and do nothing. He's never been good at taking charge in a time of need -- he only needs to remember going back to that hill with Stacy, Veronica and Webster -- but he has no choice now and that's good for him. If nothing else, he has to be doing something for Sam.

[with_diamonds]

"Yeah," Lucy said, quiet, almost wry, "I know the feeling." And she did. Just a few days ago, she'd said that she had no plans, but she didn't expect that to be the case for long; if ever there were a reason to be glad for not running for council again, it was this, something infinitely more important. Maintaining the status quo would never trump taking care of people close to her. "I'm not gonna say that things will be okay," she added somewhat abruptly, thinking of Ryan, of Max, of Gert and all the others, the spaces they'd left in her life that would never really be filled. "But this much, we can at least make work."

[plntfood]

Things won't be okay. He's aware of this, but he appreciates Lucy not trying to feed him false hopes. There's no sense in trying to believe something that isn't true, no sense in exerting his energy on something that will only exhaust him in the end, make him feel more alone.

"I know," he says, offering her a tired smile. "We have to."

That he has to do this much for Sam goes without saying and he's extremely grateful that Lucy seems to feel the same way.

[with_diamonds]

That was it, really. At its very simplest, they had to; there was no other option. If that meant holding herself together when everything hurt like hell, then Lucy was willing to do it, and it was clear to see that Mathias was, too. For that, she had to be grateful. She'd spent too long (or, okay, one rather unpleasant on again-off again relationship) being the only one willing to actually act responsible that this was, circumstances aside, kind of refreshing.

"Yeah," she agreed, expression nearly mirroring his. There were bigger things than themselves to worry about, Sam deserving nothing less than the best they could give. "Yeah, we do."