(no subject)

[plizzle]

so if my parents knew what the hell i'm really doing when i go hang out with friends, they'd prolly slaughter me. but i don't think they're ready to handle the truth. and honestly, i don't even know what i'm doing. i've been trying so hard to prove ppl wrong/get to the same level as everyone/break away from my past. well i did it, and i don't know if i regret it or if i'm just upset it happened the way it did. i never considered myself a virgin after what happened to me when i child, so it never seemed like a big deal to me b/c it had already happened and i got over it quickly due to certain circumstances. b/c of that, it's lead to my stupidity. and i've tried super hard to get over what i've done all last semester, and avoid brett. but i can't get it out of my mind how STUPID i was. and if maybe i would've controlled myself, maybe being with ryan would be that much more special.....not that it isn't? i'm not sure. he says he loves me, but i don't know how to take it. and i say it back, but i don't know if it's b/c i do, or b/c i feel bad to leave him hanging after he says it. and if it is for real, how stupid is it to go and make things all official when i'll be going back to school. i'm not sure if this is foreshadowing or whatnot, but i had a dream last night i was/would be cheating on him. and to some ppl, if it's in another state it doesn't count. but could i do that to a friend?

on a lighter note, i got pulled over by a cop last night for running a yellow light. he comes up to my window and is like "you're not gonna cry are you? cuz i'm not gonna give you a ticket, just a warning"....then my mother, who was convienently in the car behind me runs up to my car and freaks out the cop, cuz to him, she was a stranger, who could put his life in danger.....ooooh, a 5'3'' lil asian woman, i think not