(no subject)
I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. And when I realized what was going on, I got logical, which you can't do in dreams, cuz they're just not logical most of the time.
At first I was like, "WTF, I don't remember having sex with Jeremy. I should ask him about this, maybe I forgot one time." (LOL)
Then I was like, "Well, maybe I got pregnant before I met him." (LOL, yeah right, cuz I was having so much sex before then. NOT.) But then I started trying to do the math and that wasn't working out.
Finally, I just started feeling desperate and hoping that I'd miscarry. And that's horrible! When I become pregnant in real life, even if it's not intentional, I canNOT be thinking that way. But in my dream, I just felt so desperate and alone and things so beyond my control. And I wasn't even thinking about the fact that, hey, that means there'll be a baby around at some point in the future. I could only think about the fact that I was pregnant NOW and that was just UNACCEPTABLE.
And, you know, I'm getting married soon. And while I'd like to be a wife for a while before I become a mom, it wouldn't be the end of the world if a babby was introduced into the picture before we officially planned for one. When is my mentality that being pregnant = BAD BAD BAD going to change?
It definitely needs to change before we do start trying for a babby. And, obviously, my thought process of what was acceptable and what was not would change by then, but it needs to kick in on a subconscious level, cuz I don't want dreams like that when I'm pregnant or trying to get pregnant. :\
I'm stuck at work. Not like, I can't leave. But that I don't know what to do next. There are no more easy fixes. There are no more moderate fixes. It's done to stuff where I either have absolutely no idea what to do to fix the bugs, or I could try some stuff that would take forEVER and possible eff things up in the process and may not even fix it in the end. Herm.
So I clocked out and started doing brain games. But I should really get back to work. I'm kind of hoping that Chris will pipe in and be like, "Hey, try this for this bug!" And it'll be something I hadn't thought of and haven't tried and it'll fix like 3 more phones.
Yeah, he hasn't done that yet. :\
At first I was like, "WTF, I don't remember having sex with Jeremy. I should ask him about this, maybe I forgot one time." (LOL)
Then I was like, "Well, maybe I got pregnant before I met him." (LOL, yeah right, cuz I was having so much sex before then. NOT.) But then I started trying to do the math and that wasn't working out.
Finally, I just started feeling desperate and hoping that I'd miscarry. And that's horrible! When I become pregnant in real life, even if it's not intentional, I canNOT be thinking that way. But in my dream, I just felt so desperate and alone and things so beyond my control. And I wasn't even thinking about the fact that, hey, that means there'll be a baby around at some point in the future. I could only think about the fact that I was pregnant NOW and that was just UNACCEPTABLE.
And, you know, I'm getting married soon. And while I'd like to be a wife for a while before I become a mom, it wouldn't be the end of the world if a babby was introduced into the picture before we officially planned for one. When is my mentality that being pregnant = BAD BAD BAD going to change?
It definitely needs to change before we do start trying for a babby. And, obviously, my thought process of what was acceptable and what was not would change by then, but it needs to kick in on a subconscious level, cuz I don't want dreams like that when I'm pregnant or trying to get pregnant. :\
I'm stuck at work. Not like, I can't leave. But that I don't know what to do next. There are no more easy fixes. There are no more moderate fixes. It's done to stuff where I either have absolutely no idea what to do to fix the bugs, or I could try some stuff that would take forEVER and possible eff things up in the process and may not even fix it in the end. Herm.
So I clocked out and started doing brain games. But I should really get back to work. I'm kind of hoping that Chris will pipe in and be like, "Hey, try this for this bug!" And it'll be something I hadn't thought of and haven't tried and it'll fix like 3 more phones.
Yeah, he hasn't done that yet. :\