face-off
It’s my sister’s 17th birthday on Friday, and I, ever the older, wiser, wilder (?) and empowered big sis wanted to get her something that screamed “maturity!” Since I’ve decided until she’s 19 to buy her a nice trinket from Smitten Kitten, I told a friend to pick up the latest issue of Cosmo for me to mail her.
I glanced quickly at the magazine, and sent it off. I figured it was probably full of some recycled tripe about pouring ice on Your Man’s scrotum or something equal parts nasty and titillating, particularly for my boy-crazy sis (unlike her sister). I mailed it off, glancing only at the “YOUR NAKED TEST” feature, which I thought could be good for her (?) to get more comfortable in her own skin.
What I didn’t see, or didn’t pay enough attention to in my hurry to get the magazine sent to NJ, was this truly disgusting-and not in an “ew, gross!” way-on making Your Orgasm Face look acceptable, posted today on Soc Images.
In glancing quickly at the mag, I’ll chalk it up to the fact that I was glad they were acknowledging that women could have orgasms. But as Jezebel’s Dodai nicely puts it, it probably would have been better had they left the subject alone. Why? because nothing-I mean nothing-appears to be safe from the forces of Female Insecurity to Please Your Man.
But the worst part of this whole thing, of course, is the manufactured insecurity this kind of story is designed to instill. It’s not enough that you have to worry about your pores, your body hair and your weight: Now you need to think about what you look like while in the throes of ecstasy. Because at the very moment when you’re about to shudder from paroxysms of delight, your man is judging you. Didn’t you know? And really, who cares how you’re feeling in bed. What is he thinking? That’s ladymag gold.
This is probably the last thing in the world my sister needs right now. Not that she’s having sex. Not that she’s even directly affected by the advice. But that message of nothing is your own-not your orgasm face, not even your fucking pleasure-leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I thought Cosmo was supposed to be the more “empowered” of the women’s mags? I guess all I can say for now: Bitch please.