crossposted for you lj kids' enjoyment
i am worried about my sanity these days. i talked to becky about it at work last night and she thinks i need a therapist just as much as i think so. right now my dad is my therapist and that's just not right. although i love being able to talk to my dad about stuff, there is stuff i cant tell him. and although i can tell becky everything i can't tell my dad, i know that i need a trained professional. someone who can help me. last night as i was driving to work it was raining. it had been raining all day yesterday. anyway, i was driving along the highway because i work in wauwatosa and i live in the falls so i have to take the highway anyway i was thinking about how easy it would be to just swerve my car into traffic and get into a reck. i figured that would be the easy way out. i could probably injure myself bad enough but not kill myself. it sounded pretty good at the time. the only thing keeping me from doing it was the thought of in case something went wrong and i did end up dying, how upset my father would be. how upset my friends would be. how lonely tyler would become without his little sister. how lonely my best friend would be. i love each and every person in my life so much that i stopped and slapped myself a few times to knock it out of my system.
you know, people talk crap and say things to make others feel bad about themselves and they don't realize how much it hurts. if the people that say junk about me could realize how much it hurts to be talked about, i don't think they'd do it. it's not fair. it's making someone feel like they're not fit to walk on the earth. no one deserves that. no one.
another thing that has been bothering me a lot lately is the fact that my stepdad can yell at and ground me. i don't think that's right. he is my stepfather. not my father. i have a father. one that has been with me for sixteen years. bud has known me for about 4 years. and yes, he married my mother and he can sign my reportcards as my legal guardian but i don't think that gives him the right to yell at and/or ground me. if any man is going to ground me it will be my father. not my stepfather. and i don't even think that it's the fact that he's my stepfather that bothers me. it's the fact that he scares me when he yells. even when he yells at the dog or my mom. his face gets so rigid and he looks like he's going to hit something and it scares the crap out of me. i mean, bud is a nice guy. we get along really well usually but when he explodes he really explodes. i don't think it's fair to me.
thats enough for now.
you know, people talk crap and say things to make others feel bad about themselves and they don't realize how much it hurts. if the people that say junk about me could realize how much it hurts to be talked about, i don't think they'd do it. it's not fair. it's making someone feel like they're not fit to walk on the earth. no one deserves that. no one.
another thing that has been bothering me a lot lately is the fact that my stepdad can yell at and ground me. i don't think that's right. he is my stepfather. not my father. i have a father. one that has been with me for sixteen years. bud has known me for about 4 years. and yes, he married my mother and he can sign my reportcards as my legal guardian but i don't think that gives him the right to yell at and/or ground me. if any man is going to ground me it will be my father. not my stepfather. and i don't even think that it's the fact that he's my stepfather that bothers me. it's the fact that he scares me when he yells. even when he yells at the dog or my mom. his face gets so rigid and he looks like he's going to hit something and it scares the crap out of me. i mean, bud is a nice guy. we get along really well usually but when he explodes he really explodes. i don't think it's fair to me.
thats enough for now.