The Postpartum Kind of Life
So, today was my first full day at home after Kaladin was born. (Sorry if you missed that entry - IDK why it didn't show up in the feed! :( ) We've been mostly OK - no really big issues to worry about, despite his month-early debut. There've just been a bunch of little things. Right now I'm worried about some yellowish eye goop - besides sealing his eye shut, it seems to be irritating him enough that he gets too upset to nurse. I've been able to calm him enough to get him to eat, but it's meant a lot more crying than I was expecting to deal with this evening.
As it happens, my across-the-street neighbor died the same day Kaladin was born. His wife, Wendy, said that in Eastern Europe, they would consider Jim to be Kaladin's guardian angel and that maybe they passed each other while in transit. I like that thought. Jim was an amazing man, one I wish I'd known much better, and I can't think of a more perfect guardian angel for my little boy.
The timing makes me sad, though - I've been friends with Wendy, and the girls were friends with his son (from time to time, Michaya still says she wants to marry Alex even though they haven't played together in like a year, lol). I want to be helping with meals, housework, etc. but as it is, I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to sit up through the entire funeral tomorrow. I know no one expects me to be able to be doing anything, but I'm not worried about letting other people down - I'm feeling frustrated at my own set of limitations.
That extends to more than just helping the Hughes family, though - I feel frustrated that I can't be up doing homework with the girls and doing laundry and other housework. I feel frustrated that I want to sleep like ALL the time and that sitting up for more than 30 or so minutes at a time wipes me out. It's like I was sidelined by the pregnancy for SO LONG, now that I'm not pregnant anymore, I just want to hit the ground running. Orion's had to remind me more than once that um, a couple days ago, they CUT A HOLE IN ME. It's OK to be recovering.
I'm not really sure what to make of the kids right now. On the one hand, they have all been super excited for Kaladin to be here, even Rigel. They ask questions and want to see him all the time (to the point that I have to tell them to back off because they are smothering me). On the other hand, even though they have been acting excited, they're showing many of the signs of stress/anxiety in young children - acting out, regression, unusual whininess/irritability, etc. I know the last couple weeks have been hard, staying at different places and being cared for by different people while we have dealt with false alarms and then finally having the baby. I've tried to be understanding, but I tend to snap with stress, so what's happened is that I've been easy about the big things and then upset about the little things. Ugh. Not healthy. I wish I knew how to make it easier for them other than the obvious "Keep your temper, genius."
Anyway, there's my late-ish ramblings (though it wasn't late when I started - typing while nursing takes awhile, lol). I know it'll all get better on its own as I heal up and as we get used to having the baby here. It's just hard to remember that in the moment.
As it happens, my across-the-street neighbor died the same day Kaladin was born. His wife, Wendy, said that in Eastern Europe, they would consider Jim to be Kaladin's guardian angel and that maybe they passed each other while in transit. I like that thought. Jim was an amazing man, one I wish I'd known much better, and I can't think of a more perfect guardian angel for my little boy.
The timing makes me sad, though - I've been friends with Wendy, and the girls were friends with his son (from time to time, Michaya still says she wants to marry Alex even though they haven't played together in like a year, lol). I want to be helping with meals, housework, etc. but as it is, I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to sit up through the entire funeral tomorrow. I know no one expects me to be able to be doing anything, but I'm not worried about letting other people down - I'm feeling frustrated at my own set of limitations.
That extends to more than just helping the Hughes family, though - I feel frustrated that I can't be up doing homework with the girls and doing laundry and other housework. I feel frustrated that I want to sleep like ALL the time and that sitting up for more than 30 or so minutes at a time wipes me out. It's like I was sidelined by the pregnancy for SO LONG, now that I'm not pregnant anymore, I just want to hit the ground running. Orion's had to remind me more than once that um, a couple days ago, they CUT A HOLE IN ME. It's OK to be recovering.
I'm not really sure what to make of the kids right now. On the one hand, they have all been super excited for Kaladin to be here, even Rigel. They ask questions and want to see him all the time (to the point that I have to tell them to back off because they are smothering me). On the other hand, even though they have been acting excited, they're showing many of the signs of stress/anxiety in young children - acting out, regression, unusual whininess/irritability, etc. I know the last couple weeks have been hard, staying at different places and being cared for by different people while we have dealt with false alarms and then finally having the baby. I've tried to be understanding, but I tend to snap with stress, so what's happened is that I've been easy about the big things and then upset about the little things. Ugh. Not healthy. I wish I knew how to make it easier for them other than the obvious "Keep your temper, genius."
Anyway, there's my late-ish ramblings (though it wasn't late when I started - typing while nursing takes awhile, lol). I know it'll all get better on its own as I heal up and as we get used to having the baby here. It's just hard to remember that in the moment.