(no subject)
Why is it...
Everytime I try to make things better
I make them worse?
Don't answer that please.
Now is my time to apologize. Please wait until everything is done to yell at me or vent or something.
I cannot remember everything that I have done, but I am trying. Very hard.
Jen. I am sorry for talking bad about Heather. And insulting things you like and things like that. If you think I act pompous I am sorry for that too.
I know you cannot see tihs, but I will tell you. Jess. I am sorry for being well... a bitch around you. I think at the beginning, I was jealous of you because you seemed so daring and brave like Karen. And that I guess kind of set off I guess I could say my instincs. And I think at times I judged you so unfairly. Maybe withouth thinking, I don't know. But I am sorry.
Jaqi. I know you cannot see this as well. I will tell you. I'm sorry that I ever was a bitch to you. And I know I always thought I was right. And I know that the majority of the time I wasn't. And when I was I went crazy with ego. And I am sorry for everything else that I did that was unfair.
Joolie. I know you may think that there isn't much I want to apologize to you about. But there is some. I am sorry for that stupid Manga argument. And if I ever got you confused and nervous when I vented even a little. The same goes for Jen. And whenever I came late, I felt so bad. I am sorry.
At last, but most certainly not least. Karen.
I don't know if you know this, but you are my favorite. Believe it or not. I'm sorry, I'm making you sound like a doll.
We have been through horribly rough times. And we still have not mended fully. At this point, I feel we will never be the way we used to. Even if we happen to become friends again. I can't sress how much I miss you.
I took you for granted before. And I know I'll never get the chance. Call me a drama queen, but I am hurting so bad.
And I want you to understand, I never meant to hurt you so bad because I know I did. And I am paying the price more than ever. Because of my stupid self-obsession. Always wanting to be right. To be the lucky one. To be the one who reached the top first. I don't want any of it anymore. I don't care if I end up being dirt poor and living on the streets.
I just want to have my old friend back. My old best friend.
If none of you believe me, I'll understand. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes for everyone to believe that I really mean well even if it doesn't always seem.
Thank you. And I'd appreciate it if you read all of that very much.