entry twenty-six: never read your own history
These books. They have such a strong opinion of me.
I told Keel that History needed its butchers as well as its shepherds, but... being presented with people talking of you like that, with such anger and such misunderstanding, I do not even...
They did not understand. They could not understand. They were not there. but so many of them were They were not charged with maintaining order in such a situation.
I'm not sure I like being so implicated with Winder - as if I was just his right arm, or attack dog, or something like that, and had so very little input of my own. That's hardly the case. I was loyal, but he wanted me to keep control, he wanted me to protect him from conspiracies and that's what I did, using everything at my disposal. It was unpleasant, of course, but it needed to be done.
They failed without me. After I died, it all collapsed under us. If I had lived...
it probably would have still collapsed. He was killed in a crowded room. If nobody saw it happen, then how could have I had known?
Part of it makes me feel vindicated. Part of it makes me angry that they do not understand. And another part of it pulls at my conscience quite heavily.
I see I have gained a fellow Discworldian and lost one, all at the same time. Does the Barge have a quota or something? 'There must be two, and only two, Ankh-Morporkians at all times, or they may get too big for their boots and start thinking they're as good as the Earthlings.'
Fantastic. I now do not know who to return these books to. I don't particularly want to keep them. I suppose I must.
Historians, incidentally, are full of absolute rubbish at times.
[Private to the Doctor]
Have security condemned me yet?
Do you w...