A distorted reality now's a necessity to be free

[pleasemotivate]

It's been a little over 2 months since she left this world, on her own accord.  I miss her all the time.  I still don't understand what was so wrong that she had to take her own life.  I knew her for about five years, and we became closer everytime we hung out.  I really don't understand suicide, I guess.  I'll be okay for a few days, and then it hits me all over again: "I'm never going to see her again.  When I saw her in the casket, I was never going to see her again."  I tend to think about the makeup job that was done on her...it looked horrible, she looked like a wax version of herself.  They put a high shirt on her to hide her neck.  There were so many people there, the place was packed...so many people loved her.   I've dealt with depression for a good ten years now.  I know how it feels to feel so down and out, or so bad about yourself that you want to hurt yourself.  I just wish I would have known what was going on in her head.  It's thought that her boyfriend knows more than he is letting on...which breaks my heart.  But everybody else, it seems, was just as shocked as I was.

I keep hoping I'll have a really good dream about her.  Something to make me at peace with the whole situation...I hope wherever she is, that she's peaceful too.