If I could go back just five years...I'll take three!
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
I was such a different person. I could work fourteen hours a day. I could go out all night afterwards, turn around and do it again the next day. And my God, I will not use the excuse of getting older, because yeah, I'm not old. I'm fucking 25 years old. Anyhow...
Things were so much better. I prank called people, made flyers out of funny pictures and stuck them up all over big cities, went out in disguise to surprise our friends. And, I was just happy without anything making me feel that way except for myself. Crazy, huh? I sure do think so.
And on top of that, the weight issue definitely has spiraled out of control. It's not hard to realize why. I no longer walk miles (waitress) or smoke. It doesn't take a genius to figure this out. Also, one of the meds I'm on, Lyrica, one of the side effects can be weight gain. But, who knows. I just need to find the motivation to get my ass in gear and start living my life again! Hanging out with friends, eating better, exercising, not abusing prescription medications. That kind of stuff. I feel like I'm trying to make a conscious effort towards this. But at the same time, I feel like someone is fighting against me, with all the self destructive behavior I have exhibited. I am so done with it.
On top of going back in time, I want to go back to when I felt like my significant other actually wanted to be with me, actually wanted to be physical with me, actually thought of me more as a girlfriend than a best friend that he can joke around with ALL THE TIME. Jokes are awesome, I think I have a great sense of humor. But not when they are all day long. It makes me crazy. I don't want to feel like I'm already part of a married couple who have been together for 50 years.
I really need to take the fucking bull by the horns and get my ass in gear. I'm pleading with whoever in the universe can help me.