Where to Start
I find myself a little baffled at where to start. And how to start, without jumping right in and sounding absolutely crazy. I guess I could tell the "who what when where" of the past year, but why not jump right into the parts that aren't so easily defined.
I suppose one thing I could say is that I have become more and more sure of the inherent goodness of creation. More clear in my ability to manifest the reality I desire to experience. More aware of the ways in which I am responsible for my reactions and perceptions. More forgiving of others. More willing to stand still and just be still, clear, and calm.
This is not to say that I do not have days where I am frustrated and angry. Because I do. .And then I usually get sick, so I'm learning to avoid letting such emotions become the whole of my experience, because being sick is no fun. (Cause and effect, I get it!) I just find that more often then not, I feel myself letting it just flow, looking at the deeper meanings or implications, and acknowledging things for what they are, what they seem, and what they might actually be.
I have been answering the calls that I hear. I have been listening to the animals, to the plants, to the skies, to the deep-rooted instincts in myself, and responding. After one such experience of answering a call, I journeyed for the day and then, for the next week, found that my brain was absolutely silent. At first I was concerned, as if something had broken, or as if I was awaiting understanding, until I realized that I was not broken, I was sitting square in the middle of every meditation practice I'd ever tried. There was no ego, no noise, no thoughts that lingered longer than necessary to acknowledge them, no hang-ups, no annoyances. It was blissful, beautiful silence. Some days later, the silence persisted, even as social experiences, euphoria and love connections blossomed.
It is not a fleeting dream, but the re-integration into the whole of my life is something I'm still working out, and probably will be for a long time. Even if the silent stillness has become a little more clouded, things are still discernibly quieter.
(Also. I want my paycheck really bad. It's two weeks late, and I only just found out that it's not a cash flow issue, it's a legal issue. It's one of those tricky situations where if we stop working the company is seriously in trouble, but nobody is overly motivated when we don't actually get paid. Hrmph)
I suppose one thing I could say is that I have become more and more sure of the inherent goodness of creation. More clear in my ability to manifest the reality I desire to experience. More aware of the ways in which I am responsible for my reactions and perceptions. More forgiving of others. More willing to stand still and just be still, clear, and calm.
This is not to say that I do not have days where I am frustrated and angry. Because I do. .And then I usually get sick, so I'm learning to avoid letting such emotions become the whole of my experience, because being sick is no fun. (Cause and effect, I get it!) I just find that more often then not, I feel myself letting it just flow, looking at the deeper meanings or implications, and acknowledging things for what they are, what they seem, and what they might actually be.
I have been answering the calls that I hear. I have been listening to the animals, to the plants, to the skies, to the deep-rooted instincts in myself, and responding. After one such experience of answering a call, I journeyed for the day and then, for the next week, found that my brain was absolutely silent. At first I was concerned, as if something had broken, or as if I was awaiting understanding, until I realized that I was not broken, I was sitting square in the middle of every meditation practice I'd ever tried. There was no ego, no noise, no thoughts that lingered longer than necessary to acknowledge them, no hang-ups, no annoyances. It was blissful, beautiful silence. Some days later, the silence persisted, even as social experiences, euphoria and love connections blossomed.
It is not a fleeting dream, but the re-integration into the whole of my life is something I'm still working out, and probably will be for a long time. Even if the silent stillness has become a little more clouded, things are still discernibly quieter.
(Also. I want my paycheck really bad. It's two weeks late, and I only just found out that it's not a cash flow issue, it's a legal issue. It's one of those tricky situations where if we stop working the company is seriously in trouble, but nobody is overly motivated when we don't actually get paid. Hrmph)