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http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:Mogadishu_now_tops_list_of_%22Best_Cities_to_Live_in_for_Warlords%22
MOGADISHU, Somalia -- Internationally renowned "Fancy Living" magazine released its annual world city rankings today, and Somalia's capital Mogadishu topped the glamorous "Best City for Warlords" list for the first time since 1993. To the surprise of many, the coastal town knocked Baghdad - the winner for the past 3 years - down to second. The top three were rounded off by El Fasher, Sudan - greatly disappointing the Janjaweed militia which had hoped its Darfur genocide would finally push the town to #1. "I guess we'll have to try harder next year," bitterly commented spokesperson Ali el-Hashid.
Soon after the long-anticipated issue of "Fancy Living" hit the newsstands, celebratory gunfire could be heard mixed in with regular gunfire in Mogadishu. Warlord Bantu Malawi exclaimed he "never felt prouder to be a Somali," and emphasized how his militia's policy of "killing all the evil Ethiopians" helped the city garner the number one spot. On the other side of town, Islamic insurgent Ali al-Zaraqi, said he "wholeheartedly agreed," but also noted that "Mr. Malawi and his people should also leave Mogadishu, and leave the spoils for us." The weak Somali government also welcomed the news, with the Prime Minister announcing, "a formal celebration will be held as soon as our forces recapture downtown Mogadishu - insurgent positions are being shelled as we speak."
Editors of "Fancy Living" held a press conference to explain their meticulous process to determine the rankings. "Mogadishu has the perfect combination of anarchy, warring factions, foreign troops, and beautiful beaches to really make it heaven for any aspiring warlord," said chief editor Lawrence Harding.
MOGADISHU, Somalia -- Internationally renowned "Fancy Living" magazine released its annual world city rankings today, and Somalia's capital Mogadishu topped the glamorous "Best City for Warlords" list for the first time since 1993. To the surprise of many, the coastal town knocked Baghdad - the winner for the past 3 years - down to second. The top three were rounded off by El Fasher, Sudan - greatly disappointing the Janjaweed militia which had hoped its Darfur genocide would finally push the town to #1. "I guess we'll have to try harder next year," bitterly commented spokesperson Ali el-Hashid.
Soon after the long-anticipated issue of "Fancy Living" hit the newsstands, celebratory gunfire could be heard mixed in with regular gunfire in Mogadishu. Warlord Bantu Malawi exclaimed he "never felt prouder to be a Somali," and emphasized how his militia's policy of "killing all the evil Ethiopians" helped the city garner the number one spot. On the other side of town, Islamic insurgent Ali al-Zaraqi, said he "wholeheartedly agreed," but also noted that "Mr. Malawi and his people should also leave Mogadishu, and leave the spoils for us." The weak Somali government also welcomed the news, with the Prime Minister announcing, "a formal celebration will be held as soon as our forces recapture downtown Mogadishu - insurgent positions are being shelled as we speak."
Editors of "Fancy Living" held a press conference to explain their meticulous process to determine the rankings. "Mogadishu has the perfect combination of anarchy, warring factions, foreign troops, and beautiful beaches to really make it heaven for any aspiring warlord," said chief editor Lawrence Harding.