Okay. Uncle Descant is going to tell you a story... That sounded a lot creepier than it was supposed to, but hear me out here.
I don't know what the hell is up with the demons and angels in this world. I don't know if Callings are something you people made up to make yourselves feel useful and then got stuck with psychosomatically or if it's a legitimate condition or what. I'm just a guy. What the hell do I know?
But here's the kicker. Fact of your biology or not, letting your Calling control you sounds to me like letting your pimples or your crooked teeth or you gimpy walk or that bum knee that twinges every time it rains control you. It's just something you've got and it's annoying as fuck, but you learn to deal with it. You buy acne medication, or braces, or get a badass cane.
Now that doesn't solve your problem. Maybe your problem has nothing to do with Callings. It has to do with you feeling useless and, hey, I get that, but no one is useless. And, yeah, that's just what you need- some advice from some friggin' stranger over the journals.
Here's the kid, kid. Self-discovery? Is not an easy thing to learn on your own. Been there, done that, got the broken teeth for it. No one truly finds out who the fuck they are until they start caring about people and learning what it feels like to be a part of something bigger. So, sure, you can run off and vanish, assume that nothing is going to matter, but I bet you anything, that it does. There ain't nothing you can find out there that you couldn't find right here.
Talk about not belonging here? I'm a fucking wanderer. I've been here two years almost already. It took me forever to stop feeling like I was just waiting for the moment when we could all go home and now I don't even think that's possible. Now I don't even care, because I found something here that was worth staying for and even at my lowest, I know I can see those things and know it's all worth it.
Sure, you're feeling low. You're in a bad place. I'm not going to talk down and say you need ice cream and chick flicks and cuddles. You do need to find yourself, but don't try to do it apart from the people you love. The thing is? You don't get many winners in this fucking word. Best keep the ones you have close by and lean on each other.
But what do I know? I've just been alive for four thousand years and spent three thousand of those years in your shoes.
What good is staying when everyone I love keeps LEAVING me?
I don't want my calling to control me, it's just hard 'cause I can't do half the things I wanted to because people can't SEE me. Just... I turned sixteen and it really hurt and then I had these WINGS out of nowhere and nobody could see me and then I met Robin and I came here. So okay, I'll just start again.
Except that every time I think maybe I've managed to start again, people LEAVE or disappear and I just want to go home but I don't HAVE a home anymore and I'm just a kid and I don't know what to DO
Yeah, I get it. People die, people fall off the face of the earth, but people also hide, and that's one thing you don't let people you care about do. You stand in the doorway, you threaten to break down doors, but you don't let them leave. Even if they fight you, even if you break each other, even everything looks like it's going to go to hell, you don't let them leave you.
Home's relative, kid. It's not the place you live. It's the people you can't bear to be without.
I don't know how. It's not like they tell me when they're going to leave, just all the sudden they're gone and what if all I do is make them more miserable by making them stay?
I don't know what the hell is up with the demons and angels in this world. I don't know if Callings are something you people made up to make yourselves feel useful and then got stuck with psychosomatically or if it's a legitimate condition or what. I'm just a guy. What the hell do I know?
But here's the kicker. Fact of your biology or not, letting your Calling control you sounds to me like letting your pimples or your crooked teeth or you gimpy walk or that bum knee that twinges every time it rains control you. It's just something you've got and it's annoying as fuck, but you learn to deal with it. You buy acne medication, or braces, or get a badass cane.
Now that doesn't solve your problem. Maybe your problem has nothing to do with Callings. It has to do with you feeling useless and, hey, I get that, but no one is useless. And, yeah, that's just what you need- some advice from some friggin' stranger over the journals.
Here's the kid, kid. Self-discovery? Is not an easy thing to learn on your own. Been there, done that, got the broken teeth for it. No one truly finds out who the fuck they are until they start caring about people and learning what it feels like to be a part of something bigger. So, sure, you can run off and vanish, assume that nothing is going to matter, but I bet you anything, that it does. There ain't nothing you can find out there that you couldn't find right here.
Talk about not belonging here? I'm a fucking wanderer. I've been here two years almost already. It took me forever to stop feeling like I was just waiting for the moment when we could all go home and now I don't even think that's possible. Now I don't even care, because I found something here that was worth staying for and even at my lowest, I know I can see those things and know it's all worth it.
Sure, you're feeling low. You're in a bad place. I'm not going to talk down and say you need ice cream and chick flicks and cuddles. You do need to find yourself, but don't try to do it apart from the people you love. The thing is? You don't get many winners in this fucking word. Best keep the ones you have close by and lean on each other.
But what do I know? I've just been alive for four thousand years and spent three thousand of those years in your shoes.
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I don't want my calling to control me, it's just hard 'cause I can't do half the things I wanted to because people can't SEE me. Just... I turned sixteen and it really hurt and then I had these WINGS out of nowhere and nobody could see me and then I met Robin and I came here. So okay, I'll just start again.
Except that every time I think maybe I've managed to start again, people LEAVE or disappear and I just want to go home but I don't HAVE a home anymore and I'm just a kid and I don't know what to DO
Reply
Yeah, I get it. People die, people fall off the face of the earth, but people also hide, and that's one thing you don't let people you care about do. You stand in the doorway, you threaten to break down doors, but you don't let them leave. Even if they fight you, even if you break each other, even everything looks like it's going to go to hell, you don't let them leave you.
Home's relative, kid. It's not the place you live. It's the people you can't bear to be without.
Reply
I couldn't do that to them.
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