Invasion of the planet Playtozero (cont.)
You can find a version of the story here. No guarantees are made as to the accuracy of information supplied by azr1al.
Four days ago, my beautiful planet Playtozero was invaded by BUGs (Big Ugly Goons) from the planet Azr1al. Azr1al is a planet we have monitored with wary caution for millennia. Intelligence reports suggested that the people of Azr1al live cold, empty lives devoid of human pleasures, feeling and emotions, except for an inexplicable urge to tickle their fellow denizens. This is believed to be a side-effect of the techno-revolution on Azri1al which saw the rapid proliferation of cyber technologies, the widespread acceptance of SMS-abbreviations as “real” language and the outlawing of real-life flesh and blood contact. An exception was made for the national sport of tickling.
A low-gravity atmosphere combined with a diet high in red-meat have resulted in BUGs being rather bigger and uglier than their counterparts across the known universe. When a team from Azr1al touched down on our planet, ostensibly to establish diplomatic ties, but in all likelihood to annihilate our race and rape our planet of its natural resources, their smugness at this perceived advantage was clear for all to see. We were determined to make the BUGs pay for their presumption and arrogance but as it turned out, we didn’t have to do a thing.
Almost as soon as their bodies came into contact with our low-gravity atmosphere, their bones and muscles were compressed, making the BUGs as short as our people, but without our easy grace and lithe movements. When we attempted to engage the BUGs in conversation, their brains, unused to casual conversation, imploded from sheer overload. In fear and confusion, the BUGs opened fire on my peaceful people, killing and maiming hundreds. I was taken prisoner by the BUG leader, who talked a lot of meaningless mumbo-jumbo at me. When I tried to tell him this wasn’t the way to treat people, the circuits inside his head starting misfiring from lack of comprehension. Sensing the danger, he let me go.
Despite their clear military advantage, the BUG fleet left almost as quickly a they had come. We watched the BUG fleet fly away, angry but somehow certain we had put the fear of god into them.
Four days ago, my beautiful planet Playtozero was invaded by BUGs (Big Ugly Goons) from the planet Azr1al. Azr1al is a planet we have monitored with wary caution for millennia. Intelligence reports suggested that the people of Azr1al live cold, empty lives devoid of human pleasures, feeling and emotions, except for an inexplicable urge to tickle their fellow denizens. This is believed to be a side-effect of the techno-revolution on Azri1al which saw the rapid proliferation of cyber technologies, the widespread acceptance of SMS-abbreviations as “real” language and the outlawing of real-life flesh and blood contact. An exception was made for the national sport of tickling.
A low-gravity atmosphere combined with a diet high in red-meat have resulted in BUGs being rather bigger and uglier than their counterparts across the known universe. When a team from Azr1al touched down on our planet, ostensibly to establish diplomatic ties, but in all likelihood to annihilate our race and rape our planet of its natural resources, their smugness at this perceived advantage was clear for all to see. We were determined to make the BUGs pay for their presumption and arrogance but as it turned out, we didn’t have to do a thing.
Almost as soon as their bodies came into contact with our low-gravity atmosphere, their bones and muscles were compressed, making the BUGs as short as our people, but without our easy grace and lithe movements. When we attempted to engage the BUGs in conversation, their brains, unused to casual conversation, imploded from sheer overload. In fear and confusion, the BUGs opened fire on my peaceful people, killing and maiming hundreds. I was taken prisoner by the BUG leader, who talked a lot of meaningless mumbo-jumbo at me. When I tried to tell him this wasn’t the way to treat people, the circuits inside his head starting misfiring from lack of comprehension. Sensing the danger, he let me go.
Despite their clear military advantage, the BUG fleet left almost as quickly a they had come. We watched the BUG fleet fly away, angry but somehow certain we had put the fear of god into them.