(no subject)
I went to Amy's visitation today. God...she didnt even look like her. She looked so....fake. Oh god...my baby. I loved that girl like no one would ever believe. She is the first person I let know the real me in like...5 years. and....god it just hurts....This is why I dont let people close to me. I dont let it hurt me. I cant let it hurt me, things for me have to be easy to deal with and drama I dont like to deal with. I dont let things in and I'm fine. But I dont know....she was different....it just...it isnt fair. Why when I get someone that I totally understand me....and just let them in....why are they just taken away. Why cant I fucking have a friend for once. It fucking hurts me because I have no one...I need someone....all I want is someone. I do have someone....but its not that kind of ....gah I dont know Im fucking crying and rambling. I guess if you read this and understand it itll make a whole lot more sense....otherwise I just look fucking nuts lol. Anyway....Its my dads birthday today. Happy Birthday daddy!
I must sleep now....the pain is getting to me...and I just cant go get drunk. I do have to work tomorrow.
I must sleep now....the pain is getting to me...and I just cant go get drunk. I do have to work tomorrow.