[locked to Jon]

Sep 20, 2004 13:28

Baphomet is still observing Jonathan... still sending a soothing touch his way from time to time... This night, he sends more than just energy, this night he sends silent words as well.

'Jon. How are you feeling now?'

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jon_r_meyers September 20 2004, 11:42:19 UTC
Jon is used to the touches, even thankful for them. It's what is keeping him sane and away from self-destruction after the rape. He's also glad that Baphomet doesn't have to ask what has happened - he knows. Smiling a little and fingering the diamond studded collar Yevgeny has given him, Jon sends a reply back.

Still not so well. Still scared, naked... but better than I've been the past days.

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playfulgoat September 22 2004, 15:29:38 UTC
Baphomet send a mental nod. He has given Jon time to go through all that has happened on his own, not wanting to plant beliefs and answers in him. Sometimes the mortals need to figure things out on their own, at least to have the chance to try doing it.

'Good. Is there anything you feel you need to ask about?' The god has felt many questions chase through Jon's mind.

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jon_r_meyers September 22 2004, 15:36:22 UTC
Jon nods. 'Aye, there are many questions... He curls up with his blanket and draws it tighter around his body. Can we talk face to face?

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playfulgoat September 22 2004, 15:51:01 UTC
'Certainly.' Baphomet pulled at Jon's mind through the bond, making the young mortal enter the otherdimensional plane he had seen so many times before.

"There. Is this better?" Baphomet appeared before Jon and wrapped arms and wings around his servant.

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jon_r_meyers September 22 2004, 15:55:27 UTC
Jon nods and melts into the embrace. "I'm doing best with physical comfort." He leans against the God, his eyes closed. "Why can't I feel any pain?"

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playfulgoat September 22 2004, 16:02:09 UTC
"The question you should ask is probably why would you want to feel pain." Baphomet strokes his back and lowers them down onto the 'ground'.

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jon_r_meyers September 22 2004, 16:08:22 UTC
"I've just been raped... other than crying in Kiddo's arms... shouldn't there be more pain? I mean, I'm scared, I feel weak, sort of alone, and I have tons of questions, but... I'm afraid that there'll be an unexpected breakdown, that I'm suppressing things, you know?"

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playfulgoat September 22 2004, 16:39:52 UTC
"Is this not pain then? The loneliness, the weakness, the fear? There could be that you come to a point where it all washes over you again, and you feel it more strongly, but there is no need to fear that moment. If it comes, it comes because your soul needs it to heal." Baphomet puts a small kiss on Jon's neck.

"What are you basing your assessment of your pain on? Other people's experiences? Everyone is different."

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jon_r_meyers September 22 2004, 17:05:24 UTC
Jon smiles at the kiss and bends his head a little to expose his neck while he replies. "It would just make sense to hurt." He shrugs. "But yes, lonliness, weak, fear... they hurt too. And right now even though I'm getting help from friends...will I ever fully heal? And why did he do this to me?"

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playfulgoat September 24 2004, 14:54:25 UTC
"You will heal; it is an experience you will always carry with you, but in time it will not touch you so deeply." The god continues to hold Jon close, comforting him. "Rape has very little to do with lust, and more to do with power. Power over another person. Feeling powerful because someone is hurt... Why did you let him do it?" Baphomet speaks softly.

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jon_r_meyers September 24 2004, 15:19:04 UTC
Jon nods, but then he blinks at the question. Let him do it? "Why did I... what? It was a choice of being raped or being killed. There was a time in my life where I would've prefered the latter, but this isn't it, my Lord." Jon keeps on holding on to and clinging to Baphomet, finding comfort in the warm embrace. "I had a choice, aye, but this was the better way out."

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playfulgoat September 24 2004, 18:14:10 UTC
Baphomet nods slowly. "Yes, there was a conscious choice involved. That may well be why you feel less pain than you think you should. You made a choice, you did what was necessary... Choices are powerful." He puts another kiss on his servant's neck. "You could have asked me to interfere too."

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jon_r_meyers September 24 2004, 18:23:13 UTC
Jon nods and kisses Baphomet's throat in return. "Aye, but... I couldn't think, I didn't think that far. I just wanted it to be over and done with. I wanted him to be gone, I just wanted to be alone with my pain, just... I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. Even Lucifer didn't scare me so bad."

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playfulgoat September 25 2004, 13:29:04 UTC
"Lucifer is supposed to be evil, no surprise there. A fellow human being is perhaps more difficult to see as capable of such evil actions toward another person. It is on a different level as well, Lucifer being a from a different plane of existence."

"I cannot help you when you do not let me, when you do not call for me... There are laws in work that I cannot break, and I cannot always interfere without being asked to. It is your life, your choices, and not ofr me to choose for you. All I can do is to help you come to terms with it and heal."

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jon_r_meyers September 25 2004, 13:34:05 UTC
Jon nods and presses his body against Baphomet's. "I know you can't. And you know I don't blame you for anything of this. I'm glad that I have you to help me heal as well. I'm calling for you now, and who knows, when all this is over, I will come out of as a stronger man."

He looks up at Baphomet to kiss his chin. "And Yevgeny is doing more than he thinks as well, with letting me serve him in any way for a few days."

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playfulgoat September 25 2004, 13:57:15 UTC
Baphomet smiles and runs a hand through Jon's hair. "I know. Some of your protective friends will though." He knows one in particular. "You will grow, you will learn many things about yourself through this."

"Serving someone is safety and freedom and power for you. It is good that you are with him now."

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