i hurt because i'm weak
The drink I drink to make me brave; to make me fun and social. It transforms me into the person I wish I could be. I hurt because without my tonic, I'm no one. I feel incapable of being someone who people like to be around. I lack confidence and charisma. I can't find the words to utter most thoughts, instructions, or feelings.
I tremble when I speak up. I back down because I don't know what to say after I say it. I walk behind people so I can listen to their opinions without imposing. I lack my own.
I hurt because I'm weak.
I feel disconnected to those I thought felt so close to. I feel disconnected in general. For a long time, my skin doesn't feel like my own. Like I'm watching this empty vessel go through the motions that is my life.
I don't know how to be myself any more or know if I knew how to be me in the first place.
My own sorrows I can't deny acknowledging.
I tremble when I speak up. I back down because I don't know what to say after I say it. I walk behind people so I can listen to their opinions without imposing. I lack my own.
I hurt because I'm weak.
I feel disconnected to those I thought felt so close to. I feel disconnected in general. For a long time, my skin doesn't feel like my own. Like I'm watching this empty vessel go through the motions that is my life.
I don't know how to be myself any more or know if I knew how to be me in the first place.
My own sorrows I can't deny acknowledging.