(no subject)
Hmmmm. I don't know what to do.....
Heck, I don't even know what to say.
Jake saved my life.
Today was pretty uneventful. I stayed in bed all day and just thought about stuff. There really wasn't any eating or going out with the fam to see fireworks, but it was all good.
I think I'm just trying to figure out my next move and what's best for me...and first off, I'm thinking about deleting lj or at least not using it anymore. I don't think that this thing is helping me express myself anymore b/c you can never really say what you want and what you do say seems to be misconstrued. I feel like I'm always the problem and just make things harder for people.
I'm just not comfortable anymore and I don't think people see me for who I am and I don't set out to hurt people. I just tried a second chance and I don't know if being sad and frustrated is worth it. Heck, I don't even know what Im babbeling on about anymore.
All I know is...I'm not comfortable anymore and I don't think I ever WILL be completely comfortable and cutting myself off and backing away is how I deal with things bc nothing can hurt you if you don't let it near you. That's my philosophy as of late. I just wanna crawl back into my shell and be safe b/c I let people in and it ALWAYS just burns me up and leaves me feeling hurt or offended or helpless.
I have two really good friends telling me to do two completely different things.I don't necessarily disagree with either of 'em. I just need to find what makes me happy and accept that that won't make everyone happy...and not care.
I'm literally standing in the exact in the same place I was a year ago and I feel completely trapped and miserable b/c I don't want to change, y'know. I want to be who I am and say what I say and not be sooo....scared. Anywhoo.
I'll miss you all...but not as much as you'll miss me.
Good day.
Heck, I don't even know what to say.
Jake saved my life.
Today was pretty uneventful. I stayed in bed all day and just thought about stuff. There really wasn't any eating or going out with the fam to see fireworks, but it was all good.
I think I'm just trying to figure out my next move and what's best for me...and first off, I'm thinking about deleting lj or at least not using it anymore. I don't think that this thing is helping me express myself anymore b/c you can never really say what you want and what you do say seems to be misconstrued. I feel like I'm always the problem and just make things harder for people.
I'm just not comfortable anymore and I don't think people see me for who I am and I don't set out to hurt people. I just tried a second chance and I don't know if being sad and frustrated is worth it. Heck, I don't even know what Im babbeling on about anymore.
All I know is...I'm not comfortable anymore and I don't think I ever WILL be completely comfortable and cutting myself off and backing away is how I deal with things bc nothing can hurt you if you don't let it near you. That's my philosophy as of late. I just wanna crawl back into my shell and be safe b/c I let people in and it ALWAYS just burns me up and leaves me feeling hurt or offended or helpless.
I have two really good friends telling me to do two completely different things.I don't necessarily disagree with either of 'em. I just need to find what makes me happy and accept that that won't make everyone happy...and not care.
I'm literally standing in the exact in the same place I was a year ago and I feel completely trapped and miserable b/c I don't want to change, y'know. I want to be who I am and say what I say and not be sooo....scared. Anywhoo.
I'll miss you all...but not as much as you'll miss me.
Good day.