bR0KeN aGaIn.....

[playboybbgurl83]

i dont mean to sound like im complainin but im not....but im really havin a hard time right now...a lot of shit is bringin me down, like into a depression... ud never think i was, by this happy mask i put on but im very depressed. My dad is really gettin bad....his moods and actions sumtimes r so bad that they scare me....please aunt ann if u read this im begging u please dont tell my mom....if she didnt let me see my dad i dont know what id do....hes not BAD BAD like hed ever hurt me...he never would but hes just...idk how to explain it.it breaks my heart to see him this way, it really does. i hate that he has this illness.......its the worse thing ever for him and his family.his family really suffers from it bc we watch him gradually get worse, and see his moods and his bad actions. My relationship with my mom is gettin slowly better...theres always gonna be sum kinda thing there bc of my what happened with my dad and everything, but its gettin there. i just wish she could put her complainin and shit to the side for one fukkin minute and realize that her fukkin kids need her more then fukkin ne thing and they r goin through a hard time. i mean sure she broke up with dave and i feel bad for her and am there for her and shit but we dont need her talkin about it 247 bitchin and complain and shit that can be fixed very easily about it when her kids r havin a rough time wit their dad and love and shit and pretty much have broken hearts that need mendin......whether she believes it or not we need her shes there sumtimes yes but when we REALLY need her she seems to not be there. she says "well im sure ur dads there".. well physically yes my dad is here but emotionally no hes not, hes in like his own lil world....all we really have is her.....IDK im sure i sound like im bitchin at my mom or sum shit but im not im just tellin my feelins....and wtf?!?! Y CANT I FUKKIN GET OVER JOHN!!!! i want to seee bad!!! i need to!!! y cant i?!?!ive been tryin to get over him but i just cant. it so god damn hard, even though i caused the fukkin problem my heart is still broken and every day i hurt at sum point....i wish movin on and gettin over him was as easy as ppl say. i really miss my sister. Like u dont even know how bad i miss her. I miss how slose we were and how we did everything....its not there ne more and i miss it. She was forever like my best friend, even though that HUGE age gap is there... she was my best friend amd i love what we had and her dearly..... this frienda thing really gets me....since we moved to wyandotte i have had friends then lost em...or now i got fukkin girls lyin to me pretty much about everything....tellin me a bunch of shit then doin the oposite. and wow do i miss my d-bo crew. Miss EVERYTHING about d-bo!! i miss how desz had my back on EVERYTHING and how shed make me smile anytime i was upset... and how rachael was soo caring...and loved doin shit with me and laughin wit me....and jessica my best friend....how shed just run over my house and just walk right into my house same wit her sister.... i even miss anna...my skanky fruit fly raiser.... i miss everyone and everything about it....but that house we lived in had ALOT of bad memories in it mixed in wit the good ones, so it was kinda good we moved ot start ne memories and shit but im sorry i HATE it here..... everything about it.... i wish i had the good ol' days back....wish i could travel back into time bout 5 years and stop EVERYTHING that i knew was gonna happen...find a cure for my dad diesease....stop him form cheatin on my mom, stop her from goin crazy...helpin my sister....and makin myself happy...id give ne thing to have them days back....:(

sometime even the hardest of ppl break