Doom and Depravity in the town of Mentone
I figured for my first entry Id tell you all about myself. I couldnt exactly think of what to say but I found this story that explained generaly who I am.
It was 10:30 saturday night. Or was it sunday? My days were confused from having worked. Now this needs some explaining. I work at a produce stand. We work 6 days a week. Which is tiring in itself. When you throw the drugs into the spectrum Physical and Mental collapse were not far off.
My work attracts a strange type of people. Red necked white males and the wives of these men.
Wearing stained overalls and laughing uncontrollably with that intollerable country music blaring in the background. some sort of demonic counterpart to us employees. My boss, the man who "does the hiring and firing", is himself a strange fellow. Gray slicked back hair, from natural oil your hair collects.
Unwashed and combed back. He is a small man by nature but portly as well. Wearing to small of shirts and freeballing every day of the week. Which itself is a horrible distraction when he bends over or reaches high and you find yourself running to the toilet to vomit after seeing it. My fellow co-workers were themselves strange people.
The lady with the tall hair, was herself perhaps the strangest of all. Married and smoking ciggeretes to deal with the stress of a "professional"gambler. Wondering when he was comming home after a quick predawn chaos of gambling and drinking. Shes a nice lady, Just confused like the rest of us. The tall boy.
He was 6'5 and from new york. He spoke with a funny accent. Something he was born with from his neighborhood.. a Nice guy. Fellow drug addict like myself. The checker woman wore Tie dye shirts.
a child of the 60's Too young to experience it but old enough to claim to it. She was herself a homosexual, But a kind lady. Now i think i need some explaining. My name is Michael Rogers. But I prefer being called Mike Thomas. a name of someone i could never call my gene doner. Im about 5'11 With bangs that reach my lips, and the back grown out. Unwashed and unkempt. I have blue eyes, with a golden ring around the pupil.
My friends used to say, They could see something terribly wrong when they looked into my eyes. Ive tried many ways to describe myself but the best way is, ogre.. Its not that im fat. Im rather muscular under a layer of fat that cannot be destroyed caused by smoking weed and chillin all day. So to say the least, I was less attractive then most. But for some reason the female gender was a little attracted to me. a purely lucky situation. Now im 17 years of age. Doing drugs that men would cower of under the influence. a drug addict maybe. But to myself a pioneer. Exploring a fronteer less travled. Anyways it was a saturday night. I had smoked 5 bowls of a type of marijuana called Northern lights. a kind of bioneered Marijuana. When a phone call came from an expected person. a girl calling herself my girlfriend. She had dropped me a week before, for no reason. but i forgave her. Because of all the drugs i was doing. I was more inclined to be forgiving. Ironicly she was yelling at me for being a drug addict.
Funny? I thought so. I remember her saying something like "Michael why dont you cut it back a little bit, Do it occasionaly its taking you over." I laughed "nonsense," I said "Its the only reason were back together."
She was breathless. had i fucked up? yes. "Its the only reason were together is it!?" Oh fuck, I muttered words. Something non understandable. "Fuck the dog.. Hes better then me... No fault of mine? Charleys orders...Meep meep kabeep..." She was understandably enraged. I remember saying something like "I feel uncomfortable around you. I wanted us to wait to get back together but you said youd get tired of waiting?"
Had i saved myself? Yes. "awww baby im sorry, I was gonna leave your pathetic ass, but i love you so ill stay." Pathetic? I was not pathetic But I was in no mood for a confrontation so I didnt argue.I pretended to be mad. But it was a cover up. I was done talking. "I gotta go, Your little performance gave me a bad jolt." I hung up.
I smoked another bowl and layed there looking straight up at the light. Something disturbed me, a spider i think. I got up and turned on the radio full bore. and Layed on my bed. I clapped my hands and the light was gone. I lay there for minutes wondering what was going to happen the following day. Somehow i knew it was going to be a difficult day.
The next morning I awoke, Leaned over and smoked from the pipe. Inhaling deeply then holding the smoke in to facilitate my high. I stood up and walked into the living room, I layed on the couch and began to watch the tv. I zoned out for maybe an hour then it was time for work. So i did my normal routine of showering and smoking 3 bowls before work. I threw on some clothes then went out and grabbed the bicycle. Slowly i peddled up the hill. till I got to the peak. Which was a steep downhill ride all the way to my work. So i began coasting down the hill. the wind made me feel higher then a kite. I was swerving back and forth between the bike lane and the street. Unable to controll the bike. Luckily i got to my work, and threw on my apron.
Now that i was at my work, Twisted ripped stoned, and physcotic. I sat down and smoked a ciggerete. My boss walked in, and said something like "Wow your on time, What happened to the real michael?" I stuttered and spluttered out a wierd gibberish. "Yes. work is time. On time... full check?... Apron dirty... You clean?..." My boss looked at me like i was some kind of spastic retard.
"Okay then dont slack off, or your fired." I noded. Knowing what he said was true.
But the truth was, I was to high to actually work productively. So i worked on as usual, Then at about 4:00 the tall kid came up to me "hey are we still on for today?" I noded. The thing is we had planned on when we got our check we would each put in 60 dollars. He then told me it would be 70.00. Had he been fucking me over? Maybe. He said it had to be done tonight. It was going to be hard. I knew i was fucked.
I really needed to get stoned. But i had no id to cash my check.
So i called my mother, making up some bullshit story about my girlfriend cheating on me.
She ate it up. She cashed my check and i met up with the men. the tall boy said it would be 85 dollars. Now for sure he was fucking me. I handed over the money and took the marijuana from him. It looked like normal grade shit and it was skimped. I was peeved but drugs are a dirty buisness.
so we smoked a little and were really high. It was decent shit.
The next morning I awoke feeling very rested. I rolled over and hit the pipe a few times.
As i was smoking my girlfriend called. She apoligized immediantly for the scene she created.
I accepted her apoligies. As we were conversing, One of my oldest friends called. I hadnt seen him in months, Maybe years. Time goes by you know. We talked while my girlfriend was on the other line.
By this time i was high, I didnt remember she was there really. So he told me, he would be over at 11:00
I agreed this would be a good time. I waited not knowing if he was comming, So i kept smoking.
He did arrive, By the time he got there i was beyond gone. But I said i would smoke a few bowls with him anyways. We packed my pipe. and I let him green it. This needs some explaining, greening it is when you first pack the pipe and take the first hit. Hence the whole bowl is green. Anyways we smoked 4 or 5 bowls. I was oblivious to all around me. We went into my house and sat down. Watching the tv. We were both zoned out of corse not understanding or caring what was on the Tv. At about 12:00 he said he was bored. I told him if he drove me to the video store id rent a movie. I was nervous at first, He was completely blown but he was a good driver none the less. It was like a video game to him. He turned up the CD player.
Full bore. the sound was barely standable. We were flying down the bulavard at 100 mph, which itself made me nervous, Him blundering at the wheel completely high. But we arrived safely. I picked out a movie.
When i got to the counter i was having second thoughts. I was really messed up, But there was no time to wait. It had to be done. I spoke very slowly to the manager of the Video store. "Hi there. I dont...have...card... But...name... Bettencourt...Mike...Brenda?...Okay... Late fee?.." The man looked at me for a moment then ringed up the movie. It came out to 9 dollars because of my late fees. I payed and we left the video store. when we returned to my house, I packed the pipe again. The encounter had made me completely straight I needed more to Calm back down. We smoked some more. then went and watched the movie. My friend was so high he passed out half way through. At about 3:00 i woke him up and told him we had to go, He nodded and stood up slowly. We got in his car and began our road trip.
He told me to pack a bowl in the car. I was glad to do it. We were driving along at 80 mph with him in the drivers seat trying to smoke the pipe with no hands on the wheel and me in the passanger seat Higher then id ever been trying to steer the car with one hand. It was sure to be a tradgedy, But it passed I began smoking from the pipe, at stop lights. He told me to hold off, and wait till we were moving. He said we were exposed. So i stopped I mentoned something about a Big bubbler on the floor would be a good idea. he laughed not paying any attention. We first were heading to his aunts house, She was a strange lady. a Kid and a sober junkie. She was a wreck Yelling and screaming at her kid. I was scared for the child. But more for myself. Her gaze had turned on me. "Who are you?" She asked. "Im one of his oldest friends..." I murmered trying not to be loud and envoke her wrath.Then we left and headed twoard his friend. His friends house to be more specific. It was a strange trip. When we arrived his friend was not there. So we hopped on the freeway twoard Riverside. We got into the town and drove to a place called game sessions. I took my phone out of my pocket and set it on the table. In some sort of stupor i sat down and logged onto the computer.
twenty minutes passed by. His friend called, So he picked up the phone. "Hello? Yeah? Righteo!" I looked at him almost confused. "That was josh" he said "He wants us to go to his house and match bowls with him." It sounded good to me so we left in a rush. As we were leaving game sessions my pants snagged on the door and tore a hole near my crotch. a savage blow.. something no one should ever have to endure.
We got into his car. He handed me a big pin from his work. the Pin said "Hi My name is Steve! Welcome to applebees." It was his work pin but i used it to close the hole of my crotch. Ironicly the pin, seemed to state my penis's name was steve. we had a good laugh and tore out of the parking lot far to fast.
I had forgotten my phone but not realized it till about 30 minutes of driving. There was no time to go back and get it.
We arrived at his friends house. My friend opened the garage door and we walked in casualy i shut the garage door behind us. We walked twoard his friends room, when a 300 pound gorrila rot dog jumped out of his room and came lumbering twoards us. Now by this time i was scared looking around for anything to hit the beast with. Nothing was near me. It would be me and the dog. To my surprise the dog walked up and licked me then let me pass into his friends room. I sat on the bed and emptyed my pockets.
a bad move when your high. we packed bowls and smoked 4 of each others bag. It was a good time.
When we had finaly decided to leave Josh grabbed my hand and shook it as he shook it he grasped tighter till my hand felt numb. We left heading twoard Dennys. Yes i know. Two pot heads completely stoned walking into dennys and ordering everything off the menu is a little obvious but we didnt care.
Im remembering strange events that happened long ago, Could it be the excess of drugs ive been forced to indulge in? All i know is. The things ive learned along this path of self hatred and loathing are few are far between but I know ive not suffered for nothing. Everything has a purpose. The more i wander around experienceing these strange yet subtle occurances the more i believe there is a higher power.
Anyways We ended up not going to dennys that Night. We had stopped at this girls house, a small asian girl with two sisters. Me and my friend packed the bowl and let them smoke with us. It all seemed meaningless. But at this point i didnt care. Nor would i ever care. I was trying to make friends.
Or maybe I wasnt maybe I was just wandering around in a drug frenzy of some sort.
Trying to despretly straighten my life out and stop this depressive attitude.
We left the girls house. and started home, my friend looked at me as if i was sick. "Mike are you feeling ill?" "Hmmm?" I replied. I was stumped I felt alright So i pulled down the sunvisor and opened the mirror. I looked down, Not ill. I felt like shit. It was all starting to stack up again, My girlfriend kept telling me to bang every chick that hits on me. I felt betrayed almost. I felt as if she didnt care what I did. Its almost a mean thing. My nextdoor neighbor always used to tell me "I just want someone to hold on to. I have girls that i have sex with. But I just want one that will hold me back, and let me hold her" Now at first I thought this was absurd. To think someone who could have any female they wanted would just want someone to care. Perhaps I didnt think it out to well cause now thats all that I want to. We both longed for something that was damn near impossible to find. Meaning.
When I arrived home I went to my room and started to sleep. I was startled. It was my neighbor. Who in himself is a strange and abnormal character. He was tall and really skinny. a Druggy to the core.
He wore bright colored dickies shorts. Sagging past his ass held up by a long belt. he wore a black wife beater. His hair was short and spikey and seemed to make a crown of thorns around his head.
On his back the word hate was tatooed.. Ironicly enough everyone in the neighborhood thought he was the Anti Christ. He was a nice fellow just confused like the rest of us. Anyways he awoke me looking through my window. "Boo, Dude did I wake you? Throw some pants on and lets get the fuck outta here."
I laughed and struggled to get dressed I grabbed my things and ran out to his car.
My neighbor started the car. I grinned, "Lets go to the party?" "Yeah dude" He said with a smirk. Of corse we were going to the party. We drove down a few streets and turned right. There was a large gathering in the middle of the street. 17 females and 5 males. I grinned, Obviously loving the odds.
But i remembered my girlfriend so i shrugged and took a big swig of Captain Morguns
spiced Rum. Me and Brandon had smoked earlyer he elected not to mention that it was covered in cocaine. All finely crushed up and powdered onto it.
It was 10:30 saturday night. Or was it sunday? My days were confused from having worked. Now this needs some explaining. I work at a produce stand. We work 6 days a week. Which is tiring in itself. When you throw the drugs into the spectrum Physical and Mental collapse were not far off.
My work attracts a strange type of people. Red necked white males and the wives of these men.
Wearing stained overalls and laughing uncontrollably with that intollerable country music blaring in the background. some sort of demonic counterpart to us employees. My boss, the man who "does the hiring and firing", is himself a strange fellow. Gray slicked back hair, from natural oil your hair collects.
Unwashed and combed back. He is a small man by nature but portly as well. Wearing to small of shirts and freeballing every day of the week. Which itself is a horrible distraction when he bends over or reaches high and you find yourself running to the toilet to vomit after seeing it. My fellow co-workers were themselves strange people.
The lady with the tall hair, was herself perhaps the strangest of all. Married and smoking ciggeretes to deal with the stress of a "professional"gambler. Wondering when he was comming home after a quick predawn chaos of gambling and drinking. Shes a nice lady, Just confused like the rest of us. The tall boy.
He was 6'5 and from new york. He spoke with a funny accent. Something he was born with from his neighborhood.. a Nice guy. Fellow drug addict like myself. The checker woman wore Tie dye shirts.
a child of the 60's Too young to experience it but old enough to claim to it. She was herself a homosexual, But a kind lady. Now i think i need some explaining. My name is Michael Rogers. But I prefer being called Mike Thomas. a name of someone i could never call my gene doner. Im about 5'11 With bangs that reach my lips, and the back grown out. Unwashed and unkempt. I have blue eyes, with a golden ring around the pupil.
My friends used to say, They could see something terribly wrong when they looked into my eyes. Ive tried many ways to describe myself but the best way is, ogre.. Its not that im fat. Im rather muscular under a layer of fat that cannot be destroyed caused by smoking weed and chillin all day. So to say the least, I was less attractive then most. But for some reason the female gender was a little attracted to me. a purely lucky situation. Now im 17 years of age. Doing drugs that men would cower of under the influence. a drug addict maybe. But to myself a pioneer. Exploring a fronteer less travled. Anyways it was a saturday night. I had smoked 5 bowls of a type of marijuana called Northern lights. a kind of bioneered Marijuana. When a phone call came from an expected person. a girl calling herself my girlfriend. She had dropped me a week before, for no reason. but i forgave her. Because of all the drugs i was doing. I was more inclined to be forgiving. Ironicly she was yelling at me for being a drug addict.
Funny? I thought so. I remember her saying something like "Michael why dont you cut it back a little bit, Do it occasionaly its taking you over." I laughed "nonsense," I said "Its the only reason were back together."
She was breathless. had i fucked up? yes. "Its the only reason were together is it!?" Oh fuck, I muttered words. Something non understandable. "Fuck the dog.. Hes better then me... No fault of mine? Charleys orders...Meep meep kabeep..." She was understandably enraged. I remember saying something like "I feel uncomfortable around you. I wanted us to wait to get back together but you said youd get tired of waiting?"
Had i saved myself? Yes. "awww baby im sorry, I was gonna leave your pathetic ass, but i love you so ill stay." Pathetic? I was not pathetic But I was in no mood for a confrontation so I didnt argue.I pretended to be mad. But it was a cover up. I was done talking. "I gotta go, Your little performance gave me a bad jolt." I hung up.
I smoked another bowl and layed there looking straight up at the light. Something disturbed me, a spider i think. I got up and turned on the radio full bore. and Layed on my bed. I clapped my hands and the light was gone. I lay there for minutes wondering what was going to happen the following day. Somehow i knew it was going to be a difficult day.
The next morning I awoke, Leaned over and smoked from the pipe. Inhaling deeply then holding the smoke in to facilitate my high. I stood up and walked into the living room, I layed on the couch and began to watch the tv. I zoned out for maybe an hour then it was time for work. So i did my normal routine of showering and smoking 3 bowls before work. I threw on some clothes then went out and grabbed the bicycle. Slowly i peddled up the hill. till I got to the peak. Which was a steep downhill ride all the way to my work. So i began coasting down the hill. the wind made me feel higher then a kite. I was swerving back and forth between the bike lane and the street. Unable to controll the bike. Luckily i got to my work, and threw on my apron.
Now that i was at my work, Twisted ripped stoned, and physcotic. I sat down and smoked a ciggerete. My boss walked in, and said something like "Wow your on time, What happened to the real michael?" I stuttered and spluttered out a wierd gibberish. "Yes. work is time. On time... full check?... Apron dirty... You clean?..." My boss looked at me like i was some kind of spastic retard.
"Okay then dont slack off, or your fired." I noded. Knowing what he said was true.
But the truth was, I was to high to actually work productively. So i worked on as usual, Then at about 4:00 the tall kid came up to me "hey are we still on for today?" I noded. The thing is we had planned on when we got our check we would each put in 60 dollars. He then told me it would be 70.00. Had he been fucking me over? Maybe. He said it had to be done tonight. It was going to be hard. I knew i was fucked.
I really needed to get stoned. But i had no id to cash my check.
So i called my mother, making up some bullshit story about my girlfriend cheating on me.
She ate it up. She cashed my check and i met up with the men. the tall boy said it would be 85 dollars. Now for sure he was fucking me. I handed over the money and took the marijuana from him. It looked like normal grade shit and it was skimped. I was peeved but drugs are a dirty buisness.
so we smoked a little and were really high. It was decent shit.
The next morning I awoke feeling very rested. I rolled over and hit the pipe a few times.
As i was smoking my girlfriend called. She apoligized immediantly for the scene she created.
I accepted her apoligies. As we were conversing, One of my oldest friends called. I hadnt seen him in months, Maybe years. Time goes by you know. We talked while my girlfriend was on the other line.
By this time i was high, I didnt remember she was there really. So he told me, he would be over at 11:00
I agreed this would be a good time. I waited not knowing if he was comming, So i kept smoking.
He did arrive, By the time he got there i was beyond gone. But I said i would smoke a few bowls with him anyways. We packed my pipe. and I let him green it. This needs some explaining, greening it is when you first pack the pipe and take the first hit. Hence the whole bowl is green. Anyways we smoked 4 or 5 bowls. I was oblivious to all around me. We went into my house and sat down. Watching the tv. We were both zoned out of corse not understanding or caring what was on the Tv. At about 12:00 he said he was bored. I told him if he drove me to the video store id rent a movie. I was nervous at first, He was completely blown but he was a good driver none the less. It was like a video game to him. He turned up the CD player.
Full bore. the sound was barely standable. We were flying down the bulavard at 100 mph, which itself made me nervous, Him blundering at the wheel completely high. But we arrived safely. I picked out a movie.
When i got to the counter i was having second thoughts. I was really messed up, But there was no time to wait. It had to be done. I spoke very slowly to the manager of the Video store. "Hi there. I dont...have...card... But...name... Bettencourt...Mike...Brenda?...Okay... Late fee?.." The man looked at me for a moment then ringed up the movie. It came out to 9 dollars because of my late fees. I payed and we left the video store. when we returned to my house, I packed the pipe again. The encounter had made me completely straight I needed more to Calm back down. We smoked some more. then went and watched the movie. My friend was so high he passed out half way through. At about 3:00 i woke him up and told him we had to go, He nodded and stood up slowly. We got in his car and began our road trip.
He told me to pack a bowl in the car. I was glad to do it. We were driving along at 80 mph with him in the drivers seat trying to smoke the pipe with no hands on the wheel and me in the passanger seat Higher then id ever been trying to steer the car with one hand. It was sure to be a tradgedy, But it passed I began smoking from the pipe, at stop lights. He told me to hold off, and wait till we were moving. He said we were exposed. So i stopped I mentoned something about a Big bubbler on the floor would be a good idea. he laughed not paying any attention. We first were heading to his aunts house, She was a strange lady. a Kid and a sober junkie. She was a wreck Yelling and screaming at her kid. I was scared for the child. But more for myself. Her gaze had turned on me. "Who are you?" She asked. "Im one of his oldest friends..." I murmered trying not to be loud and envoke her wrath.Then we left and headed twoard his friend. His friends house to be more specific. It was a strange trip. When we arrived his friend was not there. So we hopped on the freeway twoard Riverside. We got into the town and drove to a place called game sessions. I took my phone out of my pocket and set it on the table. In some sort of stupor i sat down and logged onto the computer.
twenty minutes passed by. His friend called, So he picked up the phone. "Hello? Yeah? Righteo!" I looked at him almost confused. "That was josh" he said "He wants us to go to his house and match bowls with him." It sounded good to me so we left in a rush. As we were leaving game sessions my pants snagged on the door and tore a hole near my crotch. a savage blow.. something no one should ever have to endure.
We got into his car. He handed me a big pin from his work. the Pin said "Hi My name is Steve! Welcome to applebees." It was his work pin but i used it to close the hole of my crotch. Ironicly the pin, seemed to state my penis's name was steve. we had a good laugh and tore out of the parking lot far to fast.
I had forgotten my phone but not realized it till about 30 minutes of driving. There was no time to go back and get it.
We arrived at his friends house. My friend opened the garage door and we walked in casualy i shut the garage door behind us. We walked twoard his friends room, when a 300 pound gorrila rot dog jumped out of his room and came lumbering twoards us. Now by this time i was scared looking around for anything to hit the beast with. Nothing was near me. It would be me and the dog. To my surprise the dog walked up and licked me then let me pass into his friends room. I sat on the bed and emptyed my pockets.
a bad move when your high. we packed bowls and smoked 4 of each others bag. It was a good time.
When we had finaly decided to leave Josh grabbed my hand and shook it as he shook it he grasped tighter till my hand felt numb. We left heading twoard Dennys. Yes i know. Two pot heads completely stoned walking into dennys and ordering everything off the menu is a little obvious but we didnt care.
Im remembering strange events that happened long ago, Could it be the excess of drugs ive been forced to indulge in? All i know is. The things ive learned along this path of self hatred and loathing are few are far between but I know ive not suffered for nothing. Everything has a purpose. The more i wander around experienceing these strange yet subtle occurances the more i believe there is a higher power.
Anyways We ended up not going to dennys that Night. We had stopped at this girls house, a small asian girl with two sisters. Me and my friend packed the bowl and let them smoke with us. It all seemed meaningless. But at this point i didnt care. Nor would i ever care. I was trying to make friends.
Or maybe I wasnt maybe I was just wandering around in a drug frenzy of some sort.
Trying to despretly straighten my life out and stop this depressive attitude.
We left the girls house. and started home, my friend looked at me as if i was sick. "Mike are you feeling ill?" "Hmmm?" I replied. I was stumped I felt alright So i pulled down the sunvisor and opened the mirror. I looked down, Not ill. I felt like shit. It was all starting to stack up again, My girlfriend kept telling me to bang every chick that hits on me. I felt betrayed almost. I felt as if she didnt care what I did. Its almost a mean thing. My nextdoor neighbor always used to tell me "I just want someone to hold on to. I have girls that i have sex with. But I just want one that will hold me back, and let me hold her" Now at first I thought this was absurd. To think someone who could have any female they wanted would just want someone to care. Perhaps I didnt think it out to well cause now thats all that I want to. We both longed for something that was damn near impossible to find. Meaning.
When I arrived home I went to my room and started to sleep. I was startled. It was my neighbor. Who in himself is a strange and abnormal character. He was tall and really skinny. a Druggy to the core.
He wore bright colored dickies shorts. Sagging past his ass held up by a long belt. he wore a black wife beater. His hair was short and spikey and seemed to make a crown of thorns around his head.
On his back the word hate was tatooed.. Ironicly enough everyone in the neighborhood thought he was the Anti Christ. He was a nice fellow just confused like the rest of us. Anyways he awoke me looking through my window. "Boo, Dude did I wake you? Throw some pants on and lets get the fuck outta here."
I laughed and struggled to get dressed I grabbed my things and ran out to his car.
My neighbor started the car. I grinned, "Lets go to the party?" "Yeah dude" He said with a smirk. Of corse we were going to the party. We drove down a few streets and turned right. There was a large gathering in the middle of the street. 17 females and 5 males. I grinned, Obviously loving the odds.
But i remembered my girlfriend so i shrugged and took a big swig of Captain Morguns
spiced Rum. Me and Brandon had smoked earlyer he elected not to mention that it was covered in cocaine. All finely crushed up and powdered onto it.