Here we go again
Bare them,
Sevens,
Three to a pall,
Marks the,
Venom,
Lush and terminal.
I'm being someone I haven't been for four years. Someone who is putting a girl before his friends, friends that were there for him before she ever was. The friends that will be there long after she will. I need to pull my head out of my ass, and stop trying so hard. It's pissing me off because I know I've been ditching my friends to hang out with a girl that's not even my girlfriend at this point. I know it's wrong, it's been pointed out that I'm doing it, but yet I keep on doing it. It's going to land me in the same fuckin' shitty situation that it did four years ago. Heartbroken with no friends to turn to.
If I'm going to make things work out, I want them to work out right. I want to make sure I stay close to my friends and keep them number one so if and when things do hit the fan, I at least have my friends to confide in. Because even though I've moved on from my once depressed self that I was all those years back, I never forget. Not a day goes by where I don't remember how worthless I felt, and I'll never forget how I once thought life wasn't worth living. As pathetic as that sounds, it's who I once was all because of a stupid girl. I'm not saying that I'm going to be that drastic about any future relationships that don't work out, but it will always hurt...just hopefully never that bad again.
On a different note, I think things are going great for me and her. Even though we're not dating, it pretty much feels like it. The only thing that'd change if we dated would be probably all the physical stuff. You know the holding hands, kissing, so on and so on. You know at this point in life, and as far as I've strayed spiritually from the Lord, it's kind of refreshing that I'm more concerned about just being there for her and just hanging out then I am about "getting some". I think if we ever do make things official it's probably going to be a really solid steady relationship just because we know we can just be together and have a great time without having to resort to physical expression.
We're still supposed to have this "talk" to sit down and figure out if us getting together is really worth it or not, but I feel we're already doing all the talking just by the way we get along when we're together. Because personally I feel this is going to have to be something that we both show each other rather than to sit down and just simply talk about. I don't know, we'll see. Hopefully it all works out for the best.
"Wrongs are often forgiven, but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever."
-Lord Chesterfield-