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This is the first time Ive been on here in a while, and I dont know what to think. Reading about all the fun everyone is having, all the plans being made, new friends, whatever. Reading about how everyone hates Tucson, making myself feel like the sucker because Id give anything to be home again, and not just for a couple weeks. I miss being able to call my friends. I miss being able to just get in my truck and do whatever I want, go where ever, eat what ever. Its as if the world stopped spinning for me and Im watching everyone in hindsight, holding on to the memories We made. I try and put on a facade, but I think Ive reached the end of my rope and I need to let it out.
The past 15 months of my life has been such a sobering experience, and it really hasnt caught up until recently. I love what Im doing and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to come over here and try and do something to help, but sometimes when I stop to think, its like goddamn, what the fuck is happening, and why am I no longer able to think like I used to? I work, and then I come "home" sit on my bed, and hang my head in my hands, trying to sort everything out. What am I going to do when I get home? What am I going to do next month? Next Week? Tomorrow? The instability makes it impossible to ground myself, I feel like a child who wanders into a movie with no frame of reference (that one was for nick.) I miss stressing out about all the petty bullshit that happens in the real world. The shitty part is I dont think Ill ever have that luxury again. Its like I am completely whole but dont have the mind to function, trapped in a hell I cant escape. 3 months...
The past 15 months of my life has been such a sobering experience, and it really hasnt caught up until recently. I love what Im doing and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to come over here and try and do something to help, but sometimes when I stop to think, its like goddamn, what the fuck is happening, and why am I no longer able to think like I used to? I work, and then I come "home" sit on my bed, and hang my head in my hands, trying to sort everything out. What am I going to do when I get home? What am I going to do next month? Next Week? Tomorrow? The instability makes it impossible to ground myself, I feel like a child who wanders into a movie with no frame of reference (that one was for nick.) I miss stressing out about all the petty bullshit that happens in the real world. The shitty part is I dont think Ill ever have that luxury again. Its like I am completely whole but dont have the mind to function, trapped in a hell I cant escape. 3 months...