(no subject)
Lately I've been feeling like something isn't right...some thing's off balance.
And I don't like it.
My friends mean more to me than they could ever know. And for some reason, I don't think they realize that. A month ago, they all sat me down and (in as nice a way as was possible for the situation I suppose)told me problems they were having with me. Obviously, they had all been discussing these things with each other for awhile, as they told me they had been meaning to sit me down a lot earlier. That ticked me off because they're always saying "if you have a problem, just go right to the person..." but whatever. I'm not one to judge. I can never open up my goddamn mouth anyway. I'm such a coward it isn't even fucking funny. Anyhoo, they sat me down and told me all the problems they were having with me, most of which involved teddy...and I sat and listened.
Did I agree with all that they said?
No. I even told them that.
However, I looked at it like this-they're my friends. I consider them family, even if that notion isn't returned. If they're that upset-even if I don't necessarily agree-I'm going to try and make them feel better. If you care about someone you don't want them upset right? So that's what I've been doing. I've been trying to spend less time with teddy. I've been calling my friends more, asking them to do more things...but they're busy. And a lot of times when I try...circumstances make me fail. And that's no one's fault...we're all busy people. But I've really been trying to make them happy. I've always prided myself on trying to be the best friend possible. I'm not perfect...by any means. I've never claimed that; never will. But very seldom have I ever lied to my friends, I always am empathetic with them and give them good advice, I've listened to them talk about each other while seeing their point of view but reminding them of the others at the same time. I care. A lot. And the worst thing possible for me is when my friends are mad at me, think I lie, think I don't care, etc. It's the worst feeling ever. And I'm not saying that's exactly what I'm feeling at this moment...I don't know what it is.
It's just terribly frustrating. There are one or two people in particular who I feel I'm drifting away from...and I don't know why. One in particular-I feel like I don't even matter anymore. I know that seems melodramatic, but it's not meant to be. It's not like this is a "ughdjsg my friends hate me" kind of thing...but something just isn't right. I can't bring it up because I don't even know how to bring it up with anyone. I can't even make sense of it myself.
Fuck it. How can I be upset about something I can't even know myself?
And I don't like it.
My friends mean more to me than they could ever know. And for some reason, I don't think they realize that. A month ago, they all sat me down and (in as nice a way as was possible for the situation I suppose)told me problems they were having with me. Obviously, they had all been discussing these things with each other for awhile, as they told me they had been meaning to sit me down a lot earlier. That ticked me off because they're always saying "if you have a problem, just go right to the person..." but whatever. I'm not one to judge. I can never open up my goddamn mouth anyway. I'm such a coward it isn't even fucking funny. Anyhoo, they sat me down and told me all the problems they were having with me, most of which involved teddy...and I sat and listened.
Did I agree with all that they said?
No. I even told them that.
However, I looked at it like this-they're my friends. I consider them family, even if that notion isn't returned. If they're that upset-even if I don't necessarily agree-I'm going to try and make them feel better. If you care about someone you don't want them upset right? So that's what I've been doing. I've been trying to spend less time with teddy. I've been calling my friends more, asking them to do more things...but they're busy. And a lot of times when I try...circumstances make me fail. And that's no one's fault...we're all busy people. But I've really been trying to make them happy. I've always prided myself on trying to be the best friend possible. I'm not perfect...by any means. I've never claimed that; never will. But very seldom have I ever lied to my friends, I always am empathetic with them and give them good advice, I've listened to them talk about each other while seeing their point of view but reminding them of the others at the same time. I care. A lot. And the worst thing possible for me is when my friends are mad at me, think I lie, think I don't care, etc. It's the worst feeling ever. And I'm not saying that's exactly what I'm feeling at this moment...I don't know what it is.
It's just terribly frustrating. There are one or two people in particular who I feel I'm drifting away from...and I don't know why. One in particular-I feel like I don't even matter anymore. I know that seems melodramatic, but it's not meant to be. It's not like this is a "ughdjsg my friends hate me" kind of thing...but something just isn't right. I can't bring it up because I don't even know how to bring it up with anyone. I can't even make sense of it myself.
Fuck it. How can I be upset about something I can't even know myself?