(no subject)
so, i just need to vent...here we go
so its summer, schools out, time to enjoy, relax and have fun with friends.
well, not so much...
schools out...joy? yeah i hated school, but i feel like such a failure, i messed up school so badly, even the easy classes, i was just not into it my mind was somewhere else, stress got the best of me, i gave up, what has happend to me, i became weak? i always thought i was a strong person, but im seeing that i really am not. i bottle things up, and things have been building up for about a year now, and its slowly killing me. i havent been going out as much, everyone seems so busy, i miss rachel, and i cant wait to see her when she gets back from camp. ive just been working, sleeping, and doing it all over again. texas is getting closer and closer, and im getting more and more depressed and yet anxoius at the same time. i dont wanna leave, but i know i must, its something i need to do, it may kill me it may save me, i dont know. and you know i feel like such a fool, b/c as much as i told myself not to fall, not to get emotionally attached to another guy, i did. im such a fucking dumb ass, it just adds to this mess. all i really want is to hang out with him, i dont want to hook up with him i dont want to cuddle i dont want a relationship i just want to hang out with him and have a good time, friendly, and when the night is over say good bye, but hopefully not forever. i dunnoi feel like such a mess.
and my emotions are out of control one min im happy giddy on top of the world, the next im down in the dumps crying my eyes out, wishing this would just end.
a part of me wants to stay, the other wants to run away, far away.
motherfucker
done.
so its summer, schools out, time to enjoy, relax and have fun with friends.
well, not so much...
schools out...joy? yeah i hated school, but i feel like such a failure, i messed up school so badly, even the easy classes, i was just not into it my mind was somewhere else, stress got the best of me, i gave up, what has happend to me, i became weak? i always thought i was a strong person, but im seeing that i really am not. i bottle things up, and things have been building up for about a year now, and its slowly killing me. i havent been going out as much, everyone seems so busy, i miss rachel, and i cant wait to see her when she gets back from camp. ive just been working, sleeping, and doing it all over again. texas is getting closer and closer, and im getting more and more depressed and yet anxoius at the same time. i dont wanna leave, but i know i must, its something i need to do, it may kill me it may save me, i dont know. and you know i feel like such a fool, b/c as much as i told myself not to fall, not to get emotionally attached to another guy, i did. im such a fucking dumb ass, it just adds to this mess. all i really want is to hang out with him, i dont want to hook up with him i dont want to cuddle i dont want a relationship i just want to hang out with him and have a good time, friendly, and when the night is over say good bye, but hopefully not forever. i dunnoi feel like such a mess.
and my emotions are out of control one min im happy giddy on top of the world, the next im down in the dumps crying my eyes out, wishing this would just end.
a part of me wants to stay, the other wants to run away, far away.
motherfucker
done.