Pope Trivia
I find the office of Pope fascinating. There have been two popes in my lifetime and I have seen both of them, and I read about popes and the papacy a lot. So naturally I would eventually come to the point of posting something here about popes. I present to you my list of the five most badass popes.
1. St. Siricius (384-399)
St. Siricius woke up one morning and asked the entirety of Christianity "Who's your daddy?" He then immediately adopted the title Papa, or as we say in English, Pope. That's right, prior to St. Siricius the Holy Father wed to the Mother Church was just the Holy Guy that the Mother Church was seeing pretty steadily. To put it another way, this would be the equivalent of being the first king to say "I am tired of being called 'that guy with the spiky gold hat. I will call myself by some other word."
But St. Siricius did not just stop at being every Catholic's new dad. He also decided to prove that he was a cool pope. He did this by protesting the verdict of a witchcraft trial carried out by Emperor Magnus Maximus, which is Latin for King Super Big. And keep in mind that this was before the whole "the Church is the law" thing. That guy was emperor of Rome, the same superstate that until 313, a mere 71 years before Siricius crowned himself World's Number 1 Dad, had been actively torturing and killing Christians en masse.
2. Leo the Great (440-461)
Pope Leo I earned his nickname "The Great" by doing something that seems, in hindsight, more like attempted suicide than I am sure the Vatican would be comfortable admitting. In 452, when the Huns were on the verge of sacking Rome, Leo, along with two other Roman officials, met Attila the Hun face to face and politely asked him to leave. Yes, this is the same Attila the Hun that people mention any time they want to conjure images of raging barbarians and Genghis Khan is busy. What did the pope do to convince Attila to just turn back without any of his trademark murder and destruction? Well sources differ.
The least pro-pope sources claim that he appealed to Attila's sense of economics by bribing him and then begged for mercy. Even if this is true, it is still pretty impressive that the guy could even form words while talking to Attila the Hun. Other sources claim that Leo skillfully negotiated the retreat with the help of the Saints and then promised Attila that he would make one of his descendants the king of a place called Hungary, which incidentally didn't exist yet. This version of the story is favored by Hungarians who like to believe that their country is the love child of Attila and the Pope.
3. Leo III (795-816)
Much like his predecessor Leo the Great, Leo III believed that the Pope could and should be in the business of making people kings of places, however he decided to take this one step further and state that in order to hold the best kingdom you had to have the blessing of the pope. He then proceeded to establish a little kingdom known as the Holy Roman Empire and to name Charlemagne as its king, effectively announcing that the Roman Empire was back and the new Emperor was French.
Anyone who has studied history is well aware of the works of Charlemagne, who was, not coincidentally, King of the Frankish Tribes before he was Holy Roman Emperor. And it is no secret that popes have had a part in the appointment of kings for a very long time. However Leo III, unlike many power playing pontiffs, was not a nobleman by birth. In fact Leo started out as a commoner and worked his way up to the top. The guy who granted Charlemagne his power was a self made man who despite the minimal upward mobility in dark ages Europe managed to climb the ladder farther than anyone else ever.
4. Formosus (891-896, 897)
You may not be aware of this, but the actual seat of papal power is not St. Peter's Basilica, which is the large church that many mistakenly believe is the entirety of the Vatican City, but rather the Cathedral of St. John Lateran. For many, this revelation is like discovering that the real capital of the U.S. is actually Wichita, but seasoned pope watchers will recognize Lateran as the location of some important councils and events. This is because the chair or cathedra that the pope uses for official stuff is located there.
Most popes sit in this chair a mere handful of times in their lives, but it seems only one has managed to occupy it after their lives. Formosus is that one.
In a bizarre event known as the Cadaver Synod, Formosus, who had been dead for several months, was exhumed, dressed in papal vestments and placed in the papal throne at St. John Lateran. Interestingly, this elaborate show was not put on to honor Formosus, but rather so that Pope Stephen VII could put him on trial for a variety of offenses, including illegally elevating bishops, including Stephen himself. The corpse was represented by a deacon who gave answers on the body's behalf. When the trial was concluded and Formosus found guilty and his titles revoked, he was stripped of is vestments, his benediction fingers removed, and he was buried. However he was then dug up again, weighted and thrown into the Tiber River. His body washed up on shore and reportedly started performing miracles. At this point Stephen lost support and was quickly overthrown, imprisoned and subsequently murdered. In 898 Formosus was restored by a decree of yet another Synod. He was once again dressed up and reburied with the other popes in the Basilica.
All in all, it appears that the most exciting year in Pope Formosus' life was the one immediately after he died.
5. John XXI (1276-1277)
John XXI was a rare type of person in the middle ages. In addition to being a pope, he was also a scientist and physician. To put this in perspective, the trial of Galileo took place nearly 350 years after John XXI, and it is not hard to imagine that the Church's views on science were not any more advanced in 1276 than they were in 1640 and yet there was a scientist pope who had a personal laboratory built in the papal palace at Viterbo. It turns out that this new lab, which was shoddily built, would be his undoing.
Apparently John XXi liked to be close to his work and slept in the new addition. One night the entire thing collapsed, mortally wounding him. At least that is the official Vatican story. I choose to believe that John XXI actually managed to open up a portal into a new dimension and is currently jumping from time to time putting right what once went wrong. And naturally I am not alone in this belief (or part of it anyway). It turns out that people were not thrilled to learn that the pope was also a mad scientist after his death and began spreading rumors that he was a magician (like Harry Potter, not David Copperfield) and that God had knocked the building down on top of him.
1. St. Siricius (384-399)
St. Siricius woke up one morning and asked the entirety of Christianity "Who's your daddy?" He then immediately adopted the title Papa, or as we say in English, Pope. That's right, prior to St. Siricius the Holy Father wed to the Mother Church was just the Holy Guy that the Mother Church was seeing pretty steadily. To put it another way, this would be the equivalent of being the first king to say "I am tired of being called 'that guy with the spiky gold hat. I will call myself by some other word."
But St. Siricius did not just stop at being every Catholic's new dad. He also decided to prove that he was a cool pope. He did this by protesting the verdict of a witchcraft trial carried out by Emperor Magnus Maximus, which is Latin for King Super Big. And keep in mind that this was before the whole "the Church is the law" thing. That guy was emperor of Rome, the same superstate that until 313, a mere 71 years before Siricius crowned himself World's Number 1 Dad, had been actively torturing and killing Christians en masse.
2. Leo the Great (440-461)
Pope Leo I earned his nickname "The Great" by doing something that seems, in hindsight, more like attempted suicide than I am sure the Vatican would be comfortable admitting. In 452, when the Huns were on the verge of sacking Rome, Leo, along with two other Roman officials, met Attila the Hun face to face and politely asked him to leave. Yes, this is the same Attila the Hun that people mention any time they want to conjure images of raging barbarians and Genghis Khan is busy. What did the pope do to convince Attila to just turn back without any of his trademark murder and destruction? Well sources differ.
The least pro-pope sources claim that he appealed to Attila's sense of economics by bribing him and then begged for mercy. Even if this is true, it is still pretty impressive that the guy could even form words while talking to Attila the Hun. Other sources claim that Leo skillfully negotiated the retreat with the help of the Saints and then promised Attila that he would make one of his descendants the king of a place called Hungary, which incidentally didn't exist yet. This version of the story is favored by Hungarians who like to believe that their country is the love child of Attila and the Pope.
3. Leo III (795-816)
Much like his predecessor Leo the Great, Leo III believed that the Pope could and should be in the business of making people kings of places, however he decided to take this one step further and state that in order to hold the best kingdom you had to have the blessing of the pope. He then proceeded to establish a little kingdom known as the Holy Roman Empire and to name Charlemagne as its king, effectively announcing that the Roman Empire was back and the new Emperor was French.
Anyone who has studied history is well aware of the works of Charlemagne, who was, not coincidentally, King of the Frankish Tribes before he was Holy Roman Emperor. And it is no secret that popes have had a part in the appointment of kings for a very long time. However Leo III, unlike many power playing pontiffs, was not a nobleman by birth. In fact Leo started out as a commoner and worked his way up to the top. The guy who granted Charlemagne his power was a self made man who despite the minimal upward mobility in dark ages Europe managed to climb the ladder farther than anyone else ever.
4. Formosus (891-896, 897)
You may not be aware of this, but the actual seat of papal power is not St. Peter's Basilica, which is the large church that many mistakenly believe is the entirety of the Vatican City, but rather the Cathedral of St. John Lateran. For many, this revelation is like discovering that the real capital of the U.S. is actually Wichita, but seasoned pope watchers will recognize Lateran as the location of some important councils and events. This is because the chair or cathedra that the pope uses for official stuff is located there.
Most popes sit in this chair a mere handful of times in their lives, but it seems only one has managed to occupy it after their lives. Formosus is that one.
In a bizarre event known as the Cadaver Synod, Formosus, who had been dead for several months, was exhumed, dressed in papal vestments and placed in the papal throne at St. John Lateran. Interestingly, this elaborate show was not put on to honor Formosus, but rather so that Pope Stephen VII could put him on trial for a variety of offenses, including illegally elevating bishops, including Stephen himself. The corpse was represented by a deacon who gave answers on the body's behalf. When the trial was concluded and Formosus found guilty and his titles revoked, he was stripped of is vestments, his benediction fingers removed, and he was buried. However he was then dug up again, weighted and thrown into the Tiber River. His body washed up on shore and reportedly started performing miracles. At this point Stephen lost support and was quickly overthrown, imprisoned and subsequently murdered. In 898 Formosus was restored by a decree of yet another Synod. He was once again dressed up and reburied with the other popes in the Basilica.
All in all, it appears that the most exciting year in Pope Formosus' life was the one immediately after he died.
5. John XXI (1276-1277)
John XXI was a rare type of person in the middle ages. In addition to being a pope, he was also a scientist and physician. To put this in perspective, the trial of Galileo took place nearly 350 years after John XXI, and it is not hard to imagine that the Church's views on science were not any more advanced in 1276 than they were in 1640 and yet there was a scientist pope who had a personal laboratory built in the papal palace at Viterbo. It turns out that this new lab, which was shoddily built, would be his undoing.
Apparently John XXi liked to be close to his work and slept in the new addition. One night the entire thing collapsed, mortally wounding him. At least that is the official Vatican story. I choose to believe that John XXI actually managed to open up a portal into a new dimension and is currently jumping from time to time putting right what once went wrong. And naturally I am not alone in this belief (or part of it anyway). It turns out that people were not thrilled to learn that the pope was also a mad scientist after his death and began spreading rumors that he was a magician (like Harry Potter, not David Copperfield) and that God had knocked the building down on top of him.