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This is the longest Ive gone without talking or seeing him. Yesterday Michelle told me how he was waiting for me to come by the other night. I dont want to fight anymore. For the most part, Im still upset because what he's mad at is something he did himself. I seem to be easy to dump other peoples anger and blame upon, I suppose.
Me and Michelle were supposed to go to the bar tonight. The only release I need right now are some drinks and some casual sex. At least for one night to make me forget. Forget the dream that he would show up with a arm full of roses and let me know he still cared and that everything would be ok. He isnt like that though, and I have to let it go. And I cant get ahold of Michelle, and going out alone just seems rediculous. Theres a ton of snow on the ground, and I dont want to drive in it. Not over this. Not over him. Why should I be the one so upset? The only thing I had to look forward to everyday was him.
Michelle wants to go to a certain bar on Tuesday night, the one we all have been going up to for the past few weeks. I cant go, he'll be there. And I dont want to make him think Im there to see him, because thats what he'll think. I cant even call his brother back to let him know that I cant find Michelle, because he will call my phone later when he sees the number on the caller ID and say *why are you calling me!!!!!*. Most people in this situation would do it anyway, just to have some sort of conversation or contact with the other person, but I cant do it. If I hear his voice, it makes my heart drop.
Michelle told me last night *dude, you know he'll be calling you!*. And like an asshole, Ill probly fall for the shit again. He makes me weak, and thats why Im in this whole mess. He has all the power, he always had, and I gave it to him.
I think Ill suck it up, call over there, with a peace offering of xanax. If I know one way to his heart, its drugs. Ok, just reading over that, makes not only him, but myself, pathetic. *sigh*, I suppose I can go eat a few and pass out till tomarrow.
Me and Michelle were supposed to go to the bar tonight. The only release I need right now are some drinks and some casual sex. At least for one night to make me forget. Forget the dream that he would show up with a arm full of roses and let me know he still cared and that everything would be ok. He isnt like that though, and I have to let it go. And I cant get ahold of Michelle, and going out alone just seems rediculous. Theres a ton of snow on the ground, and I dont want to drive in it. Not over this. Not over him. Why should I be the one so upset? The only thing I had to look forward to everyday was him.
Michelle wants to go to a certain bar on Tuesday night, the one we all have been going up to for the past few weeks. I cant go, he'll be there. And I dont want to make him think Im there to see him, because thats what he'll think. I cant even call his brother back to let him know that I cant find Michelle, because he will call my phone later when he sees the number on the caller ID and say *why are you calling me!!!!!*. Most people in this situation would do it anyway, just to have some sort of conversation or contact with the other person, but I cant do it. If I hear his voice, it makes my heart drop.
Michelle told me last night *dude, you know he'll be calling you!*. And like an asshole, Ill probly fall for the shit again. He makes me weak, and thats why Im in this whole mess. He has all the power, he always had, and I gave it to him.
I think Ill suck it up, call over there, with a peace offering of xanax. If I know one way to his heart, its drugs. Ok, just reading over that, makes not only him, but myself, pathetic. *sigh*, I suppose I can go eat a few and pass out till tomarrow.