[DGM; one-shot; drabblefic] clouded vision.
[DGM] clouded vision.
Series: D.Gray-Man.
Word Count: 773.
Characters/Pairings: one-sided LaviAllen.
Notes: Oh man I don't even much like this pairing but it just happened so OKAY. I love Lavi, but goddamn he is kind of REALLY DEPRESSING...
Yeah.~
Summary: Because somehow, Lavi can't see straight anymore-and it's all Allen's fault.
//. ________________________ clouded vision.
Lavi had never had trouble with his sexuality. He hadn't ever questioned it - or followed his urges, honestly - but he most definitely knew that he liked women. Older women; women who were experienced and who had grown into their bodies, and fit nicely into their curves. He liked the feminine beauty and warmth, but he also liked how out of reach they were.
Then he met Allen Walker, and his definition of "curves" was subtly redefined. It used to be that he would think of a woman's breasts and her waist, of her legs and of her lips (warm and inviting), but he realized that something else was sneaking into his thoughts-it was distinctively "pretty", but most definitely not female.
It happened over time. Lavi noticed the curve of Allen's hips and the shape of his collarbone, with the hollow behind his ear and the slope of his neck. He noted things like how Allen walked, and how he smelled, and how he had somewhere around fifty faintly different smiles. More, even.
There were several of the smiles that grew to give Lavi butterflies. The "Yay, it's time for food!" smile, the "I'm home," smile, the "You're so cute sometimes," smile, and the "Don't worry, I'll protect you" smile-and those weren't even all the ones that made Lavi turn a light shade of pink that Lavi himself thought was more suited for someone like Lenalee.
But he notices, also, how Allen's smile fades when he thinks no one's looking, only to be replaced by either depression or thoughtful intensity. Allen's eyes turn to moonstone and harden even more, and Lavi is always sucked in. (Every single time, without fail.) Lavi wouldn't know what to say to him in these situations, because Allen is the one who has always saved them. He wants to say, "Ya know, you're not alone, right?" but he can't bring himself to even open his mouth.
And whenever Allen looks up at him with surprise for a second before giving the redhead that sheepish, "Don't worry, I'm fine" smile, Lavi wants to tell Allen to "get that stupid grin off your face", but he doesn't because he's a good 'friend'. He doesn't because he isn't supposed to care in the first place. (Besides, it's such a Kanda thing to say, anyways.)
The old man has told him this over the course of all his forty-nine lives, warned him about getting too involved or to close to anyone or anything, but this time, 'Lavi' was just a little too confident. He took a little too much of a risk, and he was paying for it now, watching the slight, white-haired exorcist walk away towards food, because he can feel just how much he's beginning to actually care.
Lavi decides he might go eat lunch with the other male, but when he walks into the door of the cafeteria, he can see Allen talking with the belle of the order, Lenalee, and he suddenly doesn't feel like touching any kind of food anymore. He turned on his heel and walked to the library, hoping to put the look on Allen's face out of his mind-but Lavi was cursed with a photographic memory, and the image of Allen's smiling face and Lenalee's pigtails swishing in what Lavi was sure was a charming manner, kept playing over and over.
He wished he could forget it. He wished he didn't care about it.
But he did, he did, and somehow, something inside him was boiling from the smile Allen gave the Chinese exorcist-a gentle and loving smile, one Lavi would never be able to feel focused on himself.
He buried himself in the pages of a book, took a deep breath through his nose and tried to calm down. Allen's pale, cursed face still popped up, however, and Lavi knew it was hopeless.
He, himself, was hopeless; he was just beginning to realize exactly how much so, and before he really registers what he's doing, he slams the book shut and yanks down his bandanna, groaning, and running his fingers through his hair.
He didn't want it to be like this, ever. He wishes he could curse Allen for being so cute-but not only is the white-haired boy already cursed, Lavi just doesn't have the heart (hah, him having a heart, that's funny) to actually hurt him. Words and actions that are meant to be mean-but come through so weakly, even he finds them laughable-are all he can manage, but Allen can see right through them-and maybe even right through Lavi himself.
fin.
Series: D.Gray-Man.
Word Count: 773.
Characters/Pairings: one-sided LaviAllen.
Notes: Oh man I don't even much like this pairing but it just happened so OKAY. I love Lavi, but goddamn he is kind of REALLY DEPRESSING...
Yeah.~
Summary: Because somehow, Lavi can't see straight anymore-and it's all Allen's fault.
//. ________________________ clouded vision.
Lavi had never had trouble with his sexuality. He hadn't ever questioned it - or followed his urges, honestly - but he most definitely knew that he liked women. Older women; women who were experienced and who had grown into their bodies, and fit nicely into their curves. He liked the feminine beauty and warmth, but he also liked how out of reach they were.
Then he met Allen Walker, and his definition of "curves" was subtly redefined. It used to be that he would think of a woman's breasts and her waist, of her legs and of her lips (warm and inviting), but he realized that something else was sneaking into his thoughts-it was distinctively "pretty", but most definitely not female.
It happened over time. Lavi noticed the curve of Allen's hips and the shape of his collarbone, with the hollow behind his ear and the slope of his neck. He noted things like how Allen walked, and how he smelled, and how he had somewhere around fifty faintly different smiles. More, even.
There were several of the smiles that grew to give Lavi butterflies. The "Yay, it's time for food!" smile, the "I'm home," smile, the "You're so cute sometimes," smile, and the "Don't worry, I'll protect you" smile-and those weren't even all the ones that made Lavi turn a light shade of pink that Lavi himself thought was more suited for someone like Lenalee.
But he notices, also, how Allen's smile fades when he thinks no one's looking, only to be replaced by either depression or thoughtful intensity. Allen's eyes turn to moonstone and harden even more, and Lavi is always sucked in. (Every single time, without fail.) Lavi wouldn't know what to say to him in these situations, because Allen is the one who has always saved them. He wants to say, "Ya know, you're not alone, right?" but he can't bring himself to even open his mouth.
And whenever Allen looks up at him with surprise for a second before giving the redhead that sheepish, "Don't worry, I'm fine" smile, Lavi wants to tell Allen to "get that stupid grin off your face", but he doesn't because he's a good 'friend'. He doesn't because he isn't supposed to care in the first place. (Besides, it's such a Kanda thing to say, anyways.)
The old man has told him this over the course of all his forty-nine lives, warned him about getting too involved or to close to anyone or anything, but this time, 'Lavi' was just a little too confident. He took a little too much of a risk, and he was paying for it now, watching the slight, white-haired exorcist walk away towards food, because he can feel just how much he's beginning to actually care.
Lavi decides he might go eat lunch with the other male, but when he walks into the door of the cafeteria, he can see Allen talking with the belle of the order, Lenalee, and he suddenly doesn't feel like touching any kind of food anymore. He turned on his heel and walked to the library, hoping to put the look on Allen's face out of his mind-but Lavi was cursed with a photographic memory, and the image of Allen's smiling face and Lenalee's pigtails swishing in what Lavi was sure was a charming manner, kept playing over and over.
He wished he could forget it. He wished he didn't care about it.
But he did, he did, and somehow, something inside him was boiling from the smile Allen gave the Chinese exorcist-a gentle and loving smile, one Lavi would never be able to feel focused on himself.
He buried himself in the pages of a book, took a deep breath through his nose and tried to calm down. Allen's pale, cursed face still popped up, however, and Lavi knew it was hopeless.
He, himself, was hopeless; he was just beginning to realize exactly how much so, and before he really registers what he's doing, he slams the book shut and yanks down his bandanna, groaning, and running his fingers through his hair.
He didn't want it to be like this, ever. He wishes he could curse Allen for being so cute-but not only is the white-haired boy already cursed, Lavi just doesn't have the heart (hah, him having a heart, that's funny) to actually hurt him. Words and actions that are meant to be mean-but come through so weakly, even he finds them laughable-are all he can manage, but Allen can see right through them-and maybe even right through Lavi himself.
fin.