(no subject)
I've been in one of my pissy moods for a spell. Too much time on my hands I suppose.
Sometimes I catch myself being confrontational with Hollyquinn for no reason. This has been a pattern with me for many years. I get so fed up with all the cracks in everyone's armor that I initiate this impromptu attack session in the strange hope that if we draw enough blood, pick enough scabs and scar each other enough, we will both have improved afterward. I throw a lot of knives at people's feet and dare them to cut me. It's not healthy. It doesn't work. It's an ineffective way to communicate to them and a terribly lazy way to initiate evolution within myself. I'm getting better at catching it. Acknowledging it. Owning it. Holly is the first girl who has ever gotten that the easiest thing to do is DROP your guard and walk away. I can only throw punches at someone when they're hitting back. I'm a prick not a bully. She refuses to engage, walks away and in about ten minuts my towering spiral of venom has cooled off and I can get to the root of what I am actually trying to say. It is in these moments that I love her most. Moments like these show what a partner really should be. That whole help me help myself jazz your parents spout off.
Other than my now spanning stretch of unemployement, I'm actually fairly proud o myself lately. It's as if I've been in training for sme unnamed event. I have been trying to cram myhead with knowledge, eat better, play bass longer, be thinner, talk sharper. I feel motivated to be the best person I can be.
Even my depression has come under control in recent months. Rightnow I am having a small bout, but I've developed the tools to deal with and, again, own it.
Jeremy always being the benchmark by which I judge myself after long periods of inactivity within the public stage; I was plased to hear him say "I like the new Rick far more than the old Rick and old Rick was pretty cool."
2009 has been about owning up to who I am and controlling the direction I take. I refuse to slow down and refuse to let this funk make me backslide. When one thing subsides, another bares it's throat. If thing's cool off too much with making with Chris, if I fail, I'll get up and keep failing again and again until I don't fail. If I hav a sculpture shatter into a million pieces (I did) I'll fucking do it again.
I'm not afraid to be myself. i'm not afraid to say I was wrong. I'm not afraid to say I was right. I'm not afraid to repeat myself and I'm not afraid to let go of the past.
Just keep it up Rick. Eat your own shit until your stomach is full enough to stand up and keep going. Keep giving yourself these gay little pep-talks.
Sometimes I catch myself being confrontational with Hollyquinn for no reason. This has been a pattern with me for many years. I get so fed up with all the cracks in everyone's armor that I initiate this impromptu attack session in the strange hope that if we draw enough blood, pick enough scabs and scar each other enough, we will both have improved afterward. I throw a lot of knives at people's feet and dare them to cut me. It's not healthy. It doesn't work. It's an ineffective way to communicate to them and a terribly lazy way to initiate evolution within myself. I'm getting better at catching it. Acknowledging it. Owning it. Holly is the first girl who has ever gotten that the easiest thing to do is DROP your guard and walk away. I can only throw punches at someone when they're hitting back. I'm a prick not a bully. She refuses to engage, walks away and in about ten minuts my towering spiral of venom has cooled off and I can get to the root of what I am actually trying to say. It is in these moments that I love her most. Moments like these show what a partner really should be. That whole help me help myself jazz your parents spout off.
Other than my now spanning stretch of unemployement, I'm actually fairly proud o myself lately. It's as if I've been in training for sme unnamed event. I have been trying to cram myhead with knowledge, eat better, play bass longer, be thinner, talk sharper. I feel motivated to be the best person I can be.
Even my depression has come under control in recent months. Rightnow I am having a small bout, but I've developed the tools to deal with and, again, own it.
Jeremy always being the benchmark by which I judge myself after long periods of inactivity within the public stage; I was plased to hear him say "I like the new Rick far more than the old Rick and old Rick was pretty cool."
2009 has been about owning up to who I am and controlling the direction I take. I refuse to slow down and refuse to let this funk make me backslide. When one thing subsides, another bares it's throat. If thing's cool off too much with making with Chris, if I fail, I'll get up and keep failing again and again until I don't fail. If I hav a sculpture shatter into a million pieces (I did) I'll fucking do it again.
I'm not afraid to be myself. i'm not afraid to say I was wrong. I'm not afraid to say I was right. I'm not afraid to repeat myself and I'm not afraid to let go of the past.
Just keep it up Rick. Eat your own shit until your stomach is full enough to stand up and keep going. Keep giving yourself these gay little pep-talks.