"Consider this/Consider this/The hint of the century....."
Stupid LiveJournal ate my post last night. Not that this is anything new, but since I post rather infrequently, I think it should have the decency to avoid destroying the sole product of my collective efforts.
That said, I'm gonna try this again. Unfortunately, today's mood is not so mellow as yesterday's was. Which I expected, perhaps even orchestrated, though I didn't know (until now) just how bad it was.
Valentine's Day: guaranteed to bring out the bitterness still tanging its way through some corner of my soul. And one of the few days that I actually wish misery, true misery (or at least, the truest misery I can think of, which encompasses quite a bit), on anyone. On everyone, in fact, or at least the dominant strata of the dating world (i.e., those who date). All offend with existence.
The sweet part is, this awesome bitterness segues perfectly into a depressive cycle. Because, while at first my phenomenal powers of misplaced anger focus blame externally, eventually I have to admit that the true target of my anger is an internal enemy. But there's only so much anger I can take before I replace it with self-pity. And from then on, it's just straight on till morning...
However, I feel I should take advantage of this holiday for my own personal uses. This will require two or more paragraphs, with a convenient stanza break. Prepare yourselves.
Lately I've been really obsessed with the film Mean Girls. And because I'm a nerd, I decided to check out the non-fiction book this dark comedy is based on, Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman. This is a book about cliques and social manipulation amongst young women; it's actually pretty fascinating, though the realism of it I find somewhat shocking. It also kinda makes the film less funny, since I know now how much of it is all-too-true. But in any event, I'm skidaddling through the book, pondering the ridiculousness of me even reading it (it's designed as a mother's guide to understanding her daughter) but still hoping to pick up some useful pointers should I ever be a parent one day, when what should I stumble across but a chapter all about how guys have similar problems with cliques and gender concepts, etc. Of course, I already know this. The chapter also contained this description of a type of guy in high school:
"Aloof/Distant Guy
This is the boy who has figured out how crappy school is and just wants to get through. He has little tolerance or patience with alpha males and the "Act Like A Man" box (Note: this pertains to standard benchmarks of masculinity, such as "strong", "funny", "aggressive", "tough", "wealthy") or anything to do with the school's "spirit squad". He can be interested in girls but not in playing the game to get status from the "Act Like A Man" box. He's often cynical and has a dry sense of humor, and he often likes to smoke pot (but then again so does almost everyone)(Note: yes, it actually says that in the book, and yes, I did find that pretty funny)....."
Rosalind Wiseman, please do not sue me for copying that from your book.
Now, it's easy to draw some quick comparisons here between me and said stereotype. Which isn't to say this is necessarily accurate, but....it got me thinking. Because a lot of people over the years, several of them recently, have commented on my tendency to be aloof, abstract, vague, possessing of high standards, and other such things. Part of me really hates this general personality trend. The other part hates the first part for thinking that way and tells me not to trust anyone.
So, in order to challenge myself ever onward, I've decided to use this post, after much rambling, in order to explain how I feel about something. Conveniently, this takes the form of melancholic whynging, which also helps me vent (which is something I should probably do more).
I don't like to admit usually how lonely I am (on average). I tend to assume that it goes without saying that my joking banter is a facade for my inner emo kid. And on the whole, I think I interact rather well with women. We tend to be on the same wavelength about certain things since I am, as Jonas said, "a pioneering metrosexual". At the same time, I have no idea to talk to a woman outside of a pre-existing friendship. There's so much tension that I apply to myself because I believe I have to overcome a physical/emotional deficit. I try really hard to be witty, to solve problems, to explain myself through creative processes. These are my strengths, and I do my best to play to them; however, I feel that most women fail to appreciate what I offer. And that's really what makes me feel lonely, I guess. It's not so much that I want a girlfriend, so much as a woman in my life who is attracted to what I have to offer.
While I still have a few things I'd like to say on this subject, I'm fucking exhausted from all this ranting and raving (for reference, I started this post two hours ago). And seeing as how I still have some assignments to do before tomorrow's morning class and subsequent stressful day, I suppose it would be wise to put this post out of its misery. But to all you poor fools who actually read all that, my many thanx. Everyone else, I don't blame you; I wouldn't have either. Peace!
P.S. Everyone should come to the Dr. Dre party at our apartment this Friday. It'll be sweet. If anybody out there knows where I can get cornrows done, or knows someone who can do them, please let me know. Elsewise, catch ya at the shindig....
That said, I'm gonna try this again. Unfortunately, today's mood is not so mellow as yesterday's was. Which I expected, perhaps even orchestrated, though I didn't know (until now) just how bad it was.
Valentine's Day: guaranteed to bring out the bitterness still tanging its way through some corner of my soul. And one of the few days that I actually wish misery, true misery (or at least, the truest misery I can think of, which encompasses quite a bit), on anyone. On everyone, in fact, or at least the dominant strata of the dating world (i.e., those who date). All offend with existence.
The sweet part is, this awesome bitterness segues perfectly into a depressive cycle. Because, while at first my phenomenal powers of misplaced anger focus blame externally, eventually I have to admit that the true target of my anger is an internal enemy. But there's only so much anger I can take before I replace it with self-pity. And from then on, it's just straight on till morning...
However, I feel I should take advantage of this holiday for my own personal uses. This will require two or more paragraphs, with a convenient stanza break. Prepare yourselves.
Lately I've been really obsessed with the film Mean Girls. And because I'm a nerd, I decided to check out the non-fiction book this dark comedy is based on, Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman. This is a book about cliques and social manipulation amongst young women; it's actually pretty fascinating, though the realism of it I find somewhat shocking. It also kinda makes the film less funny, since I know now how much of it is all-too-true. But in any event, I'm skidaddling through the book, pondering the ridiculousness of me even reading it (it's designed as a mother's guide to understanding her daughter) but still hoping to pick up some useful pointers should I ever be a parent one day, when what should I stumble across but a chapter all about how guys have similar problems with cliques and gender concepts, etc. Of course, I already know this. The chapter also contained this description of a type of guy in high school:
"Aloof/Distant Guy
This is the boy who has figured out how crappy school is and just wants to get through. He has little tolerance or patience with alpha males and the "Act Like A Man" box (Note: this pertains to standard benchmarks of masculinity, such as "strong", "funny", "aggressive", "tough", "wealthy") or anything to do with the school's "spirit squad". He can be interested in girls but not in playing the game to get status from the "Act Like A Man" box. He's often cynical and has a dry sense of humor, and he often likes to smoke pot (but then again so does almost everyone)(Note: yes, it actually says that in the book, and yes, I did find that pretty funny)....."
Rosalind Wiseman, please do not sue me for copying that from your book.
Now, it's easy to draw some quick comparisons here between me and said stereotype. Which isn't to say this is necessarily accurate, but....it got me thinking. Because a lot of people over the years, several of them recently, have commented on my tendency to be aloof, abstract, vague, possessing of high standards, and other such things. Part of me really hates this general personality trend. The other part hates the first part for thinking that way and tells me not to trust anyone.
So, in order to challenge myself ever onward, I've decided to use this post, after much rambling, in order to explain how I feel about something. Conveniently, this takes the form of melancholic whynging, which also helps me vent (which is something I should probably do more).
I don't like to admit usually how lonely I am (on average). I tend to assume that it goes without saying that my joking banter is a facade for my inner emo kid. And on the whole, I think I interact rather well with women. We tend to be on the same wavelength about certain things since I am, as Jonas said, "a pioneering metrosexual". At the same time, I have no idea to talk to a woman outside of a pre-existing friendship. There's so much tension that I apply to myself because I believe I have to overcome a physical/emotional deficit. I try really hard to be witty, to solve problems, to explain myself through creative processes. These are my strengths, and I do my best to play to them; however, I feel that most women fail to appreciate what I offer. And that's really what makes me feel lonely, I guess. It's not so much that I want a girlfriend, so much as a woman in my life who is attracted to what I have to offer.
While I still have a few things I'd like to say on this subject, I'm fucking exhausted from all this ranting and raving (for reference, I started this post two hours ago). And seeing as how I still have some assignments to do before tomorrow's morning class and subsequent stressful day, I suppose it would be wise to put this post out of its misery. But to all you poor fools who actually read all that, my many thanx. Everyone else, I don't blame you; I wouldn't have either. Peace!
P.S. Everyone should come to the Dr. Dre party at our apartment this Friday. It'll be sweet. If anybody out there knows where I can get cornrows done, or knows someone who can do them, please let me know. Elsewise, catch ya at the shindig....