☆ VOICEWORKS COLUMN 001 - WAITING FOR SPARKY
here is an abridged version of the first voiceworks sex column waiting for sparky from the SUPERFUNHAPPY issue:
The point of this inaugural column is simple: boys are scared of sex toys. Now, I know that this is a massive generalisation, and while we’re generalising I am going to also say that for a society that seems to be so ‘sexed’ - think about the rhetoric around sex in advertising, sexual ‘liberation’, sex classes in secondary schooling, even think Big Brother controversy - we certainly have a conservative attitude towards “marital aides”, and men especially so.
Men seem to be scared of them! And fair enough if you’re being introduced to sparky: a red and black 12-inch studded dildo with ‘life-like’ texture, 15 accessories, and a 8-speed controlmechanism powered by a 4-stroke engine. But before the image of a giant donger towering above you like some clichéd take off of Kubrick’s monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey influences your judgement let’s explore this phenomenon a bit. it seems that straight men and some gay men, are particularly on-edge in the presence of a vibrating, disembodied wang!
The article continues by proposing two sex myths that seem to perpetuate this social anxiety:
1. the ‘lousy in bed’ myth: apparently a rubber cock means you’re inadequate as a lover, a myth quintessentially marked by ‘Why would she need that when she’s got me?’-type statements; and
2. the ‘you’re a fag’ myth: equally absurd is the idea that using sex toys on you or your partner somehow means you’re a ‘poofter’ (excluded gay men of course).
From this I get the feeling that somehow an inanimate sex object can challenge masculinity and sexuality at the same time! But boys, sex toys do not make you obsolete; they do not make you any less of a man; and they do not make you inadequate. And, in the case of straight men, they do not make you gay (or any more or less gay than you already are). If anything it shows you are an openminded lover, comfortable with your sexuality and as interested in getting them off as you are getting yourself off.
The main points the column goes on to make are:
- the vibrator will stay hard a lot longer than you can: generally boys just blow and end of show, regardless of who else is left waiting to get off. A vibrator will pick up the slack (pardon the pun).
- the vibrator doesn't have to replace your cock: they can be used to enhance the sexual experience. Run it on a low setting gently over their body, concentrating on naughty bits; nipples, thighs, clitoris, balls, shaft. Use it to stimulate your partner while you’re keeping up the pace. And remember, you have another hand and a mouth. Why should the dildo have all the fun?
- some men argue that 'there aren’t that many toys out there for us [men] anyway’: but that's untrue, there are heaps (see belwo). But even if that were the case, market economics applies so prove there is demand and you will be supplied.
So to inform men's demands, I provide a a snapshot of what is out there on the market.
DILDOS
Dildos come in an assortment of shapes, styles and colours (and even flavours). I suggest starting smaller and more basic, maybe something like the Wonder Bullet or the waterproof Essence (because fun shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom). When you’re ready go a bit more heavy duty, like the 10-speed Love G or explore some of the range with clip-on attachments, interchangeable heads, oscillating beads or even double ended ones, strap ons and ones with suction caps to mount to different surfaces. And if you’re a bit of a music freak, you can always invest in the iBuzz, a portable vibrator that plays rock songs to get your rocks off to.
VIBRATORS
Who wants to keep dashing out of the bedroom in your jocks and with a hard on to flog the TV remote batteries? Thankfully there is quite a range of plug-in and rechargeable vibrators as well. And if you’re using a multiple-speed vibrator, bear in mind it is not like gear changes in a rally race. Sometimes coming in across the line first doesn’t make you the ultimate winner.
BUTT PLUGS
As well as dildos there are butt plugs and anal beads to consider. Butt plugs tend to be more pyramid shaped than dildos. If its for everyone’s enjoyment consider something like the Acute or the Beaded Rotator. If it's for you, check out the Aneros MGX designed specifically for guys. And remember, inserting anything in your anus does not make illegitimate your sexuality. You have a prostate and you are allowed to use it.
OTHER TOYS
But sex toys are not limited to “plugs for holes” (as somebody so inaptly described dildos), there is a whole range of devices for your pleasure and the pleasure of your partner. Masturbation sleeves can be fun (but roll them around between your palms to warm them up before getting going), cock rings (which can help you maintain your erection and postpone how quick you cum), and penis pumps (which are a long-standing joke in popular culture but will stimulate you immensely, leaving you harder and thicker for much longer, and that can’t be a bad thing for all parties concerned).
But a few points of advice:
1. best to give a toy a few goes on your own first. You don’t want the dazed and confused look first time you give it a go, particularly if there’s an audience looking on. (But don't freak out at this, you don’t need a heavy machinery licence to operate sex toys).
2. when you bring your toy to the party, encourage your girlfriend or boyfriend to watch you with it first. They will be more comfortable with the idea and reduce the likelihood of you sustaining severe injury when they get involved. Besides, you know what works for you.
3. once they’re getting the hang of it, get into it. Squirm a little, touch your body and theirs, make sexy little noises. It’s really sexy knowing your getting your partner off, and you want them to know its good!
4. when it’s their turn be sure to keep talking. Ask them what they like and what is good; where do they like it, what way they prefer, what speed is good.
And then I close with the sensibles:
Remember, always, always read the safety and cleaning instructions. Don’t be afraid lube up - seriously, it may be a hell of a thing to get off sometimes, but it sure beats chaffing. If you’re using cock rings or penis pumps be careful not to put it on too tight or leave it on for too long, you don’t want to burst a blood vessel.
For more info on safe toy sex check out www.scarleteen.com or tinynibbles.com. Also, you can see your doctor, a sexual health specialist or the health department website in your state.
If you're in Brisbane you can get Voiceworks from the Queensland Art Gallery store and Rockinghorse Records. Check the voiceworks site for other stockists, contribution details and info about the project.
The point of this inaugural column is simple: boys are scared of sex toys. Now, I know that this is a massive generalisation, and while we’re generalising I am going to also say that for a society that seems to be so ‘sexed’ - think about the rhetoric around sex in advertising, sexual ‘liberation’, sex classes in secondary schooling, even think Big Brother controversy - we certainly have a conservative attitude towards “marital aides”, and men especially so.
Men seem to be scared of them! And fair enough if you’re being introduced to sparky: a red and black 12-inch studded dildo with ‘life-like’ texture, 15 accessories, and a 8-speed controlmechanism powered by a 4-stroke engine. But before the image of a giant donger towering above you like some clichéd take off of Kubrick’s monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey influences your judgement let’s explore this phenomenon a bit. it seems that straight men and some gay men, are particularly on-edge in the presence of a vibrating, disembodied wang!
The article continues by proposing two sex myths that seem to perpetuate this social anxiety:
1. the ‘lousy in bed’ myth: apparently a rubber cock means you’re inadequate as a lover, a myth quintessentially marked by ‘Why would she need that when she’s got me?’-type statements; and
2. the ‘you’re a fag’ myth: equally absurd is the idea that using sex toys on you or your partner somehow means you’re a ‘poofter’ (excluded gay men of course).
From this I get the feeling that somehow an inanimate sex object can challenge masculinity and sexuality at the same time! But boys, sex toys do not make you obsolete; they do not make you any less of a man; and they do not make you inadequate. And, in the case of straight men, they do not make you gay (or any more or less gay than you already are). If anything it shows you are an openminded lover, comfortable with your sexuality and as interested in getting them off as you are getting yourself off.
The main points the column goes on to make are:
- the vibrator will stay hard a lot longer than you can: generally boys just blow and end of show, regardless of who else is left waiting to get off. A vibrator will pick up the slack (pardon the pun).
- the vibrator doesn't have to replace your cock: they can be used to enhance the sexual experience. Run it on a low setting gently over their body, concentrating on naughty bits; nipples, thighs, clitoris, balls, shaft. Use it to stimulate your partner while you’re keeping up the pace. And remember, you have another hand and a mouth. Why should the dildo have all the fun?
- some men argue that 'there aren’t that many toys out there for us [men] anyway’: but that's untrue, there are heaps (see belwo). But even if that were the case, market economics applies so prove there is demand and you will be supplied.
So to inform men's demands, I provide a a snapshot of what is out there on the market.
DILDOS
Dildos come in an assortment of shapes, styles and colours (and even flavours). I suggest starting smaller and more basic, maybe something like the Wonder Bullet or the waterproof Essence (because fun shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom). When you’re ready go a bit more heavy duty, like the 10-speed Love G or explore some of the range with clip-on attachments, interchangeable heads, oscillating beads or even double ended ones, strap ons and ones with suction caps to mount to different surfaces. And if you’re a bit of a music freak, you can always invest in the iBuzz, a portable vibrator that plays rock songs to get your rocks off to.
VIBRATORS
Who wants to keep dashing out of the bedroom in your jocks and with a hard on to flog the TV remote batteries? Thankfully there is quite a range of plug-in and rechargeable vibrators as well. And if you’re using a multiple-speed vibrator, bear in mind it is not like gear changes in a rally race. Sometimes coming in across the line first doesn’t make you the ultimate winner.
BUTT PLUGS
As well as dildos there are butt plugs and anal beads to consider. Butt plugs tend to be more pyramid shaped than dildos. If its for everyone’s enjoyment consider something like the Acute or the Beaded Rotator. If it's for you, check out the Aneros MGX designed specifically for guys. And remember, inserting anything in your anus does not make illegitimate your sexuality. You have a prostate and you are allowed to use it.
OTHER TOYS
But sex toys are not limited to “plugs for holes” (as somebody so inaptly described dildos), there is a whole range of devices for your pleasure and the pleasure of your partner. Masturbation sleeves can be fun (but roll them around between your palms to warm them up before getting going), cock rings (which can help you maintain your erection and postpone how quick you cum), and penis pumps (which are a long-standing joke in popular culture but will stimulate you immensely, leaving you harder and thicker for much longer, and that can’t be a bad thing for all parties concerned).
But a few points of advice:
1. best to give a toy a few goes on your own first. You don’t want the dazed and confused look first time you give it a go, particularly if there’s an audience looking on. (But don't freak out at this, you don’t need a heavy machinery licence to operate sex toys).
2. when you bring your toy to the party, encourage your girlfriend or boyfriend to watch you with it first. They will be more comfortable with the idea and reduce the likelihood of you sustaining severe injury when they get involved. Besides, you know what works for you.
3. once they’re getting the hang of it, get into it. Squirm a little, touch your body and theirs, make sexy little noises. It’s really sexy knowing your getting your partner off, and you want them to know its good!
4. when it’s their turn be sure to keep talking. Ask them what they like and what is good; where do they like it, what way they prefer, what speed is good.
And then I close with the sensibles:
Remember, always, always read the safety and cleaning instructions. Don’t be afraid lube up - seriously, it may be a hell of a thing to get off sometimes, but it sure beats chaffing. If you’re using cock rings or penis pumps be careful not to put it on too tight or leave it on for too long, you don’t want to burst a blood vessel.
For more info on safe toy sex check out www.scarleteen.com or tinynibbles.com. Also, you can see your doctor, a sexual health specialist or the health department website in your state.
If you're in Brisbane you can get Voiceworks from the Queensland Art Gallery store and Rockinghorse Records. Check the voiceworks site for other stockists, contribution details and info about the project.