Nip / Tuck
It's getting harder and harder for me to decide which monster has gotten bigger in the past few weeks, my personality disorder, my body dismorphic disorder, or my eating disorder. It's pretty neck and neck to be honest with you, since whenever one achieves a major leap forward, the others become inspired to close the gap. As a result, it's a
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No, I'm not under any professional care because I cannot afford it, and frankly the free shit sucks. Like OA. I've been to OA. Buncha hand-holding narcicists who think if you eat a lot you must have been abused as a child. Being that I am an in-your-face kind of narcicist prevents me from respecting people like that.
And I'm not so sure I'd really like to do anything about it. The truth is, I love chocolate way to much to ever be able to lose any weight. And pizza. Grease in general, I think. And dough. Oh god, anything that's like a doughy cakey concoction, hell yeah. Chuck Klosterman said in one of his books that he hates running, and physically never gets anything positive out of it. But when it's over, he feels a little tougher mentally. So he runs, and he runs with focus, and he runs fast. He runs every day because this is what lets him eat whatever he wants and drink everyday if he needs to. He's in pretty good shape. And this is why he can run. I can't run. I can barely ride a stationary bike. It's easy to run every day when you're thin to begin with. But when you're fat to begin with, you can't hardly do excercise. I think I'm going to do a post about why I have failed at every excercise program I have started.
Anyway, this is why I will never be thin, and that is why I can never be nice, and that is the reason I will, I suspsect, ultimately self destruct, as you put it.
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