she was in my hand and i took her to my secret place
finally had the fateful conversation.
topics explored:
- uncanny predictability.
- the $50 i am entitled due to a related wager.
- train tracks.
- who's right for who.
- an unsuccessful interrogation to reveal sources (the trustworthy chap i am) and
- the 2-5 people (still unmentioned) who felt obligated to notify me and
- the unrealistic expectation that such notification was avoidable.
- and i quote 'i love you, i love him, i love chocolate, i love rippley (cat)'.
- how my chair was still there but due to the lighting i could not tell if it was worth sitting in or even approaching.
- other more sensitive topics that are for the two of us and the two of us alone to know (in my judgement).
method in which topics were explored:
- most pleasant and polite (not just on my part)
nastiest thing i said (and regret having said):
-
well i don't think that would fuck me up, i mean, you're not my responsibility anymore are you? (the thought of people trying to invent a context for this tickles me immensely).
likelihood of an enjoyable future relationship as 'friends':
- 85-90%
likelihood of a future relationship as spiteful enemies:
- 2-4%
likelihood of current relationship simply turning into nothing:
- 15-20%
likelihood of a future romantic relationship:
- indefinably slim- most likely ( i'm leaving the gap open due to the fact that every time i say 'never again will i...' i only seem to be predicting failure rather than reinforcing a will)
this all took place after an evening of mixed disappointments. I'm not talking about leigh talking about her vagina though, that was actually quite delightful, though i'll never see her quite the same way again {more so for the vile temptress that faked about 8 or so orgasms on stage -vile-}.
despite all this shameful nastiness, i'm in a peculiarly good mood. i think i'm in the mood for chinese food tonight...